Seoulman

Home, Home Again

2008-03-05T23:48:00.003+09:00

I have been internetless and computerless for the last few days, but that all got fixed this morning. I don't even know where to begin with my last few days, so I guess I'll just start from the beginning and bring you up to speed.

I got in an airplane at 11:15am in Tokyo last Thursday. I flew across the Pacific and half of the US to Chicago, caught a connecting flight to KC, making my total travel time about 15 hours and 4 minutes. Since KC is fifteen time zones behind Tokyo, I arrived in KC at around 11:19am on Thursday morning, 4 minutes after I had left Japan. One of the weirdest feelings in my life.

From there I began moving around the city seeing familiar places and faces. Although I feel that the adjective "familiar" is warranted, I've got to explain that everything, as familiar as it was, was also very surreal. I was cruising down streets and hearing voices that have been huge parts of my life for my whole life - minus the last 18 months. And suddenly they are back in my field of vision, like nothing ever changed.

But I have changed and my eyes have changed. The last 18 months in Asia have made me view my KC surroundings a little bit differently.

There was a huge welcome home party for me on Friday night. I got to see tons of old friends. I found it a little bit overwhelming to have so many people around, but I had the opportunity to hug people that I have been missing for a long time and it was a night that I had been dreaming about for months.

Saturday brought my first KU game in a few years. We went to Lawrence and ate at Frees State, had some good brewery beer and went to Allen Fieldhouse. I got tears in my eyes during the pregame announcements and KU thrashed K-State for 40 minutes as we got hoarse in the stands.

I had me teeth cleaned by a Dentist that spoke English. I got my haircut by a woman who spoke English. I met a girl that speaks English that I've been wanting to meet for a long time.

I am slowly adjusting to life in Bushtopia. I have been on Cloud 9 for the last half week and don't expect for anything to change.

I'm around.
I should be posting some pics of Japan after I upload them.

Much Love from KC

I'm Not There (finally)

2008-02-24T22:07:00.002+09:00

I don't live in Korea.

As I left the country, the lady at emigration asked me, "When do you plan on returning to Korea." And I answered, "Never," with a huge smile. The plane flew over Seoul and I could point out my neighborhood easily as well as lots of landmarks. It was weird to see the same thing I saw out of my window when I flew into Korea almost 18 months ago, but now I knew and understood everything I was looking at. I feel like I conquered Seoul and now it is time to move on.

I'm hanging in Tokyo. Today was bodacious. I took tons of pictures, but I somehow managed to leave my computer's power cord in Korea, so y'all might have to wait for me to be Stateside to see my pics.

Some highlights from today:

-Shopping for mesh hats and Gremlins sweatshirts at an outdoor flea market.

-Watching a wedding procession march through a Shinto temple, wearing full Kimono gear, with lots of pomp and circumstance and loud traditional drumming.

-Watching a crew of Greasers dressed like a 50's motorcycle gang twisting and shouting to rock and roll music in a park. They were pretty cool and just one of the many groups of people I saw expressing themselves - lots of self-expression in Tokyo.

-An unreal four-course dinner at a Japanese restaurant. The highlight of that meal was the shrimp and avocado tartar - unreal.

I've got lots more stories and pictures to share. I'll see you a lot of you in a few days...

Much love from TOKYO!

numbers

2008-02-20T22:11:00.003+09:00

I have always had a mathematical mind. Numbers are streaming through my head all day every day and I am quite comfortable with that.

But recently, my life has become dictated by numbers. I have been doing little countdowns for everything. Two days left in the classroom. Eleven classes left to teach. 62 hours until my flight to Tokyo. One more load of laundry. Four more rides on the subway. Two more trips to Starbuck's...

In kind of an ironic twist of fate, I have also become totaly comfortable (finally) with Korean numbers. I feel as if I understand every number being said around me. I guess it's about time for me to figure out that system - and it is incredibly useful since I am leaving in two days.

I have had one number mishap though. The other day in class, I tried to say the number 18. It is roughly said, "shib-pal." Unfortunately, I said "shib-bal." I didn't really know there was a difference until there was a lot of giggling and I questioned whether I had said the wrong number. So I repeated myself and was met with more boisterous laughter. However, the kids all opened their books to the right page so I figured they were just laughing because I talk like such a dirty foreigner. I repeated this same number in the teachers lounge and was met with shocked faces, both Koreans and foreigners. Turns out, instead of saying "18," I was basically using a Korean slang version of the word "fuck." Oh well, I do what I can - and it's not like they can fire me with two days left.

My replacement shows up at noon tomorrow. I've got to show him the ropes and then it is adios. I know I will miss being here in a couple months, but for now, I'm counting down the minutes till I leave here...

Much love from Seoul

Retirement

2008-02-14T23:01:00.002+09:00

I officially put in my retirement notice today. I went to the National Pension Office and filed all the necessary paperwork to get my pension sent to me back in the United States of America.

In a well-lit, sterile white room I sat amongst my fellow Korean retirees as they sipped hot tea, utilized the free blood-pressure testing machine and vocalized the discomfort their aging bodies are feeling. I could tell that we all had a lot in common. The daily grind here in Korea sure can add up to some wear and tear and totally understand how they are feeling. It has been a long time coming for me, but I feel like I am ready to join this lot. If anybody knows of any good retirement homes back in the States that have openings, give a holler. Unlike my Korean retired brethren, I have no offspring to house me, so I will be forced to fend for myself in this cruel world. I need to get a set of golf clubs, a rocking chair for the front porch and start making a list of things to complain about, but as soon as that is all taken care of, I'm ready for my golden years.

6 days left in the classroom
35 classes left to teach
2 weeks until I'm in KC

See you all real soon...

Much love from Seoul

Moments

2008-02-10T22:24:00.000+09:00

And we'll collect the moments one by one
I guess that's how the future's done
-Leslie Feist

As I navigate my way through the hedge maze that is Seoul, Korea, in my last few days I have started to relish the little moments that I will take with me.

Throughout the last year plus, I have held on to little moments from my past before I arrived in Asia that always make me smile. They are those little pieces of memories that when explained outloud mean nothing to the listener, but to the rememberer they mean everything. I have thoughts of certain nights or certain smells or certain sounds and certain feelings that have affected me. These memories always whisk me away to a different time and place and have the power to change my emotions in an instant.

I think I have a lot of these little moments from Korea that I will take with me. Many of them mean nothing to you without the context of every other moment from the last 18 months of my life, but I think some of them have universal appeal:

1.
Standing in the teacher's lounge, an English co-worker marches in with an unpleasant look on his face. He approaches a Korean co-worker. She listens attentively, armed with a fluency in Korean and a good understanding of the English language.

"You will never believe what happened in class," says the Englishman. "Little Jimmy did not do his homework for the fifth straight class."

Using the English vernacular that she has picked up from the Englishmen around the office, but also speaking with a Korean accent, she responds, "That is utter bollocks. Don't worry. I will have a talk with him and I promise he will stop being such a lazy cunt."

2.
I am in a hurry, late for school and walking at a brisk tempo through the subway station.

As I quickly walk down the corridor, an older woman awkwardly jogs past me, dressed to the nines and wearing high heels. I get to the escalator only to pass her as she stands still on the moving stairs frantically tapping her foot and checking her watch.

She again runs past me after I have reached the bottom of the escalator and continued through the station. Smiling, I pass her again as she stands on the moving sidewalk that moves at a slow pace. She now looks more worried, but there is no way in hell she will be using her legs like a sucker if there is a moving sidewalk.

I get to the end of the hallway containing the moving sidewalk and walk fifty yards forward. For a final time she passes me, running and looking quite stressed that she may miss her train.

I approach the platform to find myself standing next to the same woman. We get on the same train and both arrive at our destination at the same time, only my heart rate is about 30 beats per minute less than hers.

3.
The sound of the crazy drunk on the street by my school that, literally everytime he sees me, raises both of his arms, smiles and yells, "Calipornia!"

4.
I hand back a test on a Wednesday that I gave on Monday. I tell the seven-year-old kids that I expect them to take the tests home and have their parents sign them and bring them back on Friday.

As I hand them out, I hear an excited, "Asah!" Then I pass a test to a girl that regularly scores well, but she has failed this one. She does her best impersonation of me impersonating Borat and says with a tinge of sadness, "Wawaweewah."

5.
The sounds of a hundred Korean children yelling ununderstandable things in the hallway of my school.

6.
The feeling of getting on a plane in Kansas City 18 months ago and asking myself, "What the hell am I doing?"

7.
(this one hasn't happened yet, but I already think it will be a big memory I will take with me)
The feeling of getting on a plane in Seoul and telling myself, "What the hell did I just do?"

I've got a lot more to share y'all, but let's wait until we are creating moments of our own...

Much love from Seoul

100

2008-02-07T00:44:00.000+09:00

Every time I log into blogger I am told how many past posts I have posted in the past. This just happens to be number 100. I've been in Asia for a long time...

I have the next few days off in celebration of the Lunar New Year (aka the Chinese New Year.) This has given me time to start cleaning out my apartment. I just threw away a huge stack of magazines and and lots of boxes and other useless shit I had lying around on my shelves. It's a good feeling to start the process of moving.

Lately, I have been reflecting a lot on my time over here. I don't even know where to begin. This has been an interesting period in my life to say the least. There were certain things I really wanted to get out of living abroad for a year and half, and I would say that the majority of those goals have been met. It is hard for me to truly see the changes that have taken place inside me, but I know that I have moved in a positive direction.

There are lots of ideas bouncing around in my head on this topic of change and to be honest with you, I am having trouble transforming those thoughts into words.

I've had a blast hanging out in Seoul for a while, but the time has come to get away from it all and return to a life less strange. I fly out of Seoul in 15 days and I arrive back in KC in 19 days. Up until recently, both of those events seemed so far off that I couldn't even imagine them. But now that they have become real concepts to me I am having trouble controlling my excitement - the thought of leaving has consumed my thoughts.

I am uber-excited to see all of you.

Much love from Seoul

ps - I'm gonna miss my students most of all. When I was cleaning I found a birthday card a student gave me last year. It is a piece of paper covered in glow-in-the-dark planet and star stickers, pink heart stickers (formed into the shape of a bigger heart), puffy ice cream stickers and two yellow duckling stickers. It reads:

Happy Birthday!
Kyle Teacher
Thank you so much for teaching me
You're so tall.
I'll study and behave.
I love you!
Love,
Lisa

It's February Y'All!

2008-02-01T11:54:00.000+09:00

Now that my intensive schedule is over and I have returned to my regular schedule, life is grand.

I have definitely entered the last phase of my journey. I have lots to take care of to close out my time here and every time I check one more thing off my list I realize I am that much closer to coming home. I've got three weekends in Seoul, one in Tokyo and then that next weekend I will spend around town in KC.

Work this week has been an absolute joy. I really love teaching when I'm not at school for thirteen hours at a time. I know I am a better teacher when I am less stressed and I had a few near-perfect lessons this week. I am relishing every moment in the classroom because I know that is one of the things I will miss the most about being over here. And how great is that - that one of the best parts of my life right now is my JOB.

I've got some good times ahead both in Asia and at home. Now that February is here I feel like things are getting better every day.

I'm gonna start packing up my apartment this weekend (Asah!) and start gathering my thoughts and my things to prepare to make my move outta here.

Much love from Seoul

Sign Language

2008-01-27T22:42:00.000+09:00

I had a pretty laid-back weekend. Not too much to report on, but today it was sunny so I spent a few hours walking the streets, taking pics. I don't have all that much to say, so I thought today I would present a little photo essay.

I took pictures of a bunch of different signs. I am surrounded by signs I can't read and I thought I would try to capture a few. Some of these are city-sanctioned signs and some of them are just hung up. I am used to these and they look normal to me, but I have a feeling some of them may look a little weird to you..

This bottom one needs a little translating and then you will understand why it is one of my favorite signs in Seoul. This is a sign for the butcher that is close to my house. It is owned by a middle-aged man and his wife. They are always nice to me and help me out with my meat needs. He learned very early on that unlike the rest of the population, I like my chickens whole so I can beer-can them, not cut up into 20 pieces like everybody else. I literally jumped behind the counter and grabbed his knife the first time I was there, preventing him from mangling my bird.

So I went there for a few months and then, as I learned to read Korean I could sound out the name of the store but didn't really know what it meant. Inside the pink area are the words "Chuke-san Sarang." I knew that "Sarang" was love, and recently I found out that "Chuke-san" loosely translates to livestock or farm animals. So the name of the butcher is "livestock love," or as I like refer to it, "bestiality meats." Brilliant name for a butcher.

I took some pictures of some random graffiti as well. I like the fact that both of these are international vandalism (see the little "call me" with a heart?)

Elsewhere around I took some pictures of fishy. This town always smells of fish and there is a reason: there's a lot of fish in this city. These dried fish are hanging everywhere and they kind of creep me out.

Don't those sting rays look yummy?

And finally, here are just a couple more random shots of Seoul through my camera lens.

Much love from Seoul

Tani

2008-01-20T21:56:00.000+09:00

It was my birthday on Thursday. I couldn't do much celebrating on my actual birthday because I had to work from 9am to 10pm, but I think I made up for it this weekend.

Last night a crew and myself headed to a local wine bar and had a pleasant dinner and some wine. Then we moved to my favorite place to drink in Seoul, a little brewery on the other side of town. As always, the beer was delicious and I had a fun time.

Tonight was what I was really looking forward to though. I had a reservation for one at a restaurant in Apkujong, the so-called "Beverly Hills of Seoul," at a place called Tani Nomadic Bistro. I walked past the Louis Vuitton and Dolce & Gabbana stores, narrowly avoided being hit by a Lexus (don't see many of those over here,) and made a turn at a corner that had a Korean lingerie store with valet parking. It was quite clear that I was no longer in my neighborhood.

My boss had printed off directions for me and also made the reservations for me. When he made the reservation he told the maitre d' that I was a really important client of his and that it was very important to him that I be treated with the utmost respect. I had a great table and they did treat me great. I was sat in a corner table next to a window overlooking a vacant patio and a sea of bamboo.

I had been wanting to visit this restaurant ever since my first month here. Before I left my place I lined up a two-hour playlist on the iPod. Then I went to a bookstore and bought an international Time, Newsweek and an American Art magazine. I found myself at numerous points in the meal, gazing out the window and smiling with contentment - I live a pretty charmed life.

I ordered their seven-course set menu - that was pretty much the reason that I went. They consider themselves a Japanese fusion restaurant and I was blown away with my meal. My waiter didn't speak much English, so there were a few elements in a few dishes that I asked about and he didn't know how to translate for me, but here's the play-by-play as good as I can recreate it:

1. Raw Halibut wrapped in Sesame Leaves
My first dish had three little bamboo skewers, each holding together a small sesame leaf roll. Inside the rolls were red onions, green onion and halibut, rolled up and placed on the plate and then drizzled with a red spicy sauce. The flavors of the onions, the sesame leaf and the sauce masked the true flavors of the halibut, but the combonation of those flavors was pretty stellar.

2. Fried Soft-Shell Crab Salad
Other than my main course, this was my favorite. The soft-shell crab was fried a perfect golden brown in a salty batter that was just right. Mixed greens, a couple thin parmesean chips, two sweet potato wedges, one green bean and a cucumber wedge were placed next to the crab and everything was covered in a creamy dressing. At this point in the meal, I was only two dishes in and I was already incredibly impressed.

3. Chinese Pork Ribs
I'm from Kansas City and I would say I have eaten some good ribs in my day. These were not good ribs. Two babyback ribs were set in an X shape on my plate, braised with a sweet, unimpressive sauce and covered with red onions and flanked by a couple cherry tomato quarters. The ribs were dry and overcooked. I would have been unhappy with these ribs at Applebee's, so I was a little disappointed to encounter them at Tani, but this was my only issue with the whole meal.

4. Tomato Soup
This tomato soup was pretty standard, but it was delicious. Containing every vegetable from the garden and a few chunks of bacon, the soup warmed my insides and helped me to forget about the ribs. I say it was standard, but not a standard soup on a menu in Korea.

5. Grilled Lobster Tail, Scallop and Vegetables
This was unreal. When I took the first bite, I actually moaned - that's how good it was. The buttery cream sauce it was served with was absolutely exquisite. The grilled vegetables were all perfect. I honestly don't think I can do this dish justice with only words. This is by far the best thing I have eaten in Korea.

6. Sushi
Good sushi. It was nothing that really blew me away, but it was more than acceptable. When they brought me the sushi I decided it was time to order a Sapporo to go with it - my mouth tasted like Japan. It was good, but after the lobster tail I don't think that anything could impress me.

7. Cheesecake and Fruit
The dessert was tasty. I thought it was one of the better presented dishes and with a cup of coffee it was the perfect end to my dinner.

I've got four more days of hell at work and then I go back to my regular schedule for a few weeks before I head out. My time here is coming to an end and hopefully I can find a way to fit in a few more experiences like this.

Much love from Seoul

Freudian Slip

2008-01-08T22:52:00.000+09:00

Occasionally in class, a kid will inadvertently read something so wrong that it turns out to be right.

Today I had one of the best of these slip-ups. We are reading a book called "Capital Kids" that visits five kids around the world that live in the capital city of their country. We were reading about a young lad named Chad Henry who lives in Washington D.C. After we read about his city and his day at school we moved onto a section about his life.

I'll be honest. It was a long day so I was kind of zoned out, but I heard this sentence come out and it snapped me right to attention. "When I grow up I want to be a pro basketball player or be just like my brother. He is a liar and he works for the Congress right down the street."

I had to quickly find my place in the story book, hold back laughter and then correct the student. "He is a lawyer and he works for the Congress right down the street." Almost too perfect.

Much love from Seoul

E Chon Pal (2008)

2008-01-05T19:26:00.000+09:00

I've been working like a dog so it's taken me a minute to write the first blogging of 2008, but I have had a very relaxing Saturday and it is time.

I went on an epic walk today. It was chilly, but the sun was shining brightly and the outdoors were as welcoming as one can hope for on the fifth of January. I took some pictures, shopped for vegetables at an outdoor market and enjoyed not having to be in the classroom for twelve hours today. I did a big loop, passing by 7 different subway stops and covering lots of ground. After this past week (and in preparation for the week ahead) I relished the opportunity to venture through the urban jungle and do a little exploring.

At the end of the walk, I glanced into the Starbucks across the street and saw a coworker studying Korean. I went in to say hello, and after a couple of awkward sentences I realized that I had hardly spoken to anyone today. I had a lovely 30-minute conversation on the phone when I woke up and six hours later I had hardly said another word. The only other conversation I remember having was at the grocery store. It went something like this:

"Excuse me. Do you have salt? Do you know - salt? Do you know?"

"Salt?"

(I picked up the pepper and held it in my right hand.)
"Pepper."
(I motioned with my right hand saying pepper and then I motioned with my empty left hand...)
"Salt"

"Ooh! Salt. Yes."

(He led me to the salt, grabbed it off the shelf and handed it to me.)

"kamsa hamnida"
(that's "thank you.")

Pretty deep conversation. It just hit me at Starbucks how inept I was at carrying on a conversation after being inside my own head all day. It makes me so excited to think about being in a place in a little over a month where lots of people will speak my language and (hopefully) want to talk to me.

I had another funny language encounter this week. It is not the first time it has happened to me, but it always makes me laugh.

I was in the computer room at school, wasting time on a break. There were only three of us in the room: two Korean girls that are in charge of grammar books and myself. They don't really speak English, so they were conversing with eachother in Korean. In this situation I generally block out the sound - it is nothing more than white noise to me. I really wasn't even aware that they were speaking to each other until they began to whisper so I couldn't hear what they were saying. They are speaking in an indecipherable code to me - a code that has been eveolving for centuries that I have the most minimal knowledge of. They could literally say almost anything in front of me and I would have no idea. They could be making plans to murder me or they could be talking about how obnoxious they think I am or they could be talking about how much they like to make out with each other and I would have no fucking clue. Despite this fact, they decide that whatever they are saying is so secret that they don't want to take the chance that I learned their language the night before and will understand. I find it so absurd - and the funny thing is that once people whisper around me I actually listen to see if I hear a name or word I recognize.

2008 promises to be a good one. It has started of good and I have so many things to look forward to I can hardly contain myself. See y'all real soon...

Much love from Seoul

Vocabulary

2007-12-30T16:20:00.000+09:00

I have devoted a very minute portion of my time here to learning the local language. I tried hard at first, but it was frustrating. The language is so different and I speak in a native toungue that utilizes such different sounds that I had trouble communicating. I found that most people understood my English better than my sorry attempt at their language. When I add my charades to English, forget about it - I'm fluent.

And so, I learned the alphabet and stopped there. I can sound out some words when I need to - which comes in handy because a lot of Korean words are just English written in Korean characters. But in the course of my time here I have inadvertently picked up a bunch of words that come in handy in the classroom, on the street and around town.

The biggest one is "Asah!" This is basically the equivalent of the English "awesome," "sweet," "alright" and "that is what I want" all rolled into one. This is a catch-all word that I throw around all the time. A kid hands in homework and it is perfect, I give an "Asah!" and they smile. A waiter brings me a dish of steaming dulsot bibimbap and I give a famished "Asah!" before I dig in. I'm in a cab and we are stuck at a light and a 70-year-old prostitute with no teeth gives me a smile, a wink and a "Hello," I give the cabby a nudge and a over-the-top sarcastic "Asah" and he breaks out laughing. This word is incredibly multi-purpose and kind of helps me feel like I'm in the club and it always makes people smile when I use it.

Another favorite of mine is the word "mee-chin." It is translated to mean "crazy," but it has a different connotation in Korea. Instead of meaning wacky or zany, this crazy is more the kind of crazy that sends people to insane assylums. When you call someone "mee-chin," you are basically saying that they are insane and you think they need medical help. Children find it quite offensive and I find it quite useful. Kids who are a little out of control will usually sort themselves out once they are called meechin and humiliated in front of the class. To be fair, I have been called meechin once or twice in class - so the word is not entirely taboo. And since it is the equivalent of crazy and I am teaching English, I feel they should know that sometimes that word is an acceptable way to describe how someone is acting. And occassionally, I am expressing a genuine emotion that I think a student belongs in an insane assylum.

My students are not allowed to speak Korean in the classroom, but sometimes I will pull a word or two out just to get a point across or wake them up. "Shoo-Ray-Gee" is a fun one to use. It means "trash" and I have found a few different ways to use it. If I give a writing assignment and somebody hands in an offensively short collection of chicken scratches, I will tell them that it is "shoo-ray-gee." I usually don't need to say much more. They understand that they need to put a little more effort in and I think they probably agree with me most of the time. Another way I like to use it is when there is a bunch of Korean being spoken in my class. I will say, "There is no Korean in this class. The next person that speaks Korean, I will cut off their toungue (I make a motion of scissors cutting off my own toungue) and your tounge will go into the shoo-ray-gee!" This always brings out a chuckle and now, sometimes when a student is using Korean the other students will say, "Teacher! His toungue in the shoo-ray-gee." It's silly and they know I am kidding, but it does its job and halts use of Korean. I threaten to put cell phones in the shoo-ray-gee, I threaten to put Nintendo DS's in the shoo-ray-gee and occasionally, I even threaten to put kids in the shoo-ray-gee.

I am incredibly incompetent with the Korean language, but after living here for so long I couldn't help but learn a few words and add them to my vocabulary. I think it gives me a little bit of credibility to pull out some of these words and they help me get through interactions with these crazy Asians.

Happy New Year y'all. I'm home in a few short weeks. Asah!

Much love from Seoul

Happy Birthday J-Dog

2007-12-25T23:49:00.000+09:00

Well, Christmas is a few short minutes away from moving into December 26th, and I thought it may be time to give a recap of my Holidays.

Christmas Eve brought with it a trip to the Brazilian restaurant in Apgujong (CEIA.) It was delicious as always and everyone was in good spirits. There were only five of us, but we were five jolly people and it was a nice Christmas dinner. The food there is insanely good - different from anything in Kansas and (more importantly) anything in Korea. They bring around a variety of beef, pork, lamb, chicken, potatoes, rolls and pineapple. The meal was exquisite, and despite the fact that our waitress spilled half a bottle of cabernet on my coworker Anita (and subsequently got deported back to China today) everything was perfect. It was a more than satisfactory Christmas Dinner and I was smiling throughout most of it.

We moved from the Brazilian place to a brewery up the road that has the most delicious beer in Korea. The beers are a little on the pricey side, but I believe the cost is warranted. Most beer in this country tastes like piss, but this place does beer the right way and it was nice to have a few good beers on Christmas Eve. Here's a lovely picture from the bar of Ben, Andrew and myself...

Today was a little less eventful. I woke up late and made myself an enormous breakfast, with a bagel, omelet and bacon - all accompanied by a cup of Starbuck's coffee infused with a shot of espresso. As I enjoyed breakfast I found "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on the Armed Forces Network and felt like a kid again watching a movie where I was rooting for the toys that nobody could love as I ate my brunch.

When brunch was done, I hit the road with my iPod. Christmas is not really Christmas in Korea. All of the shops are open and the streets are full of people. I had the day off work and the sun was shining bright, so I walked around the neighborhood for a couple hours and enjoyed some of the nicest weather I have ever encountered in December 25th.

I ended up back home and decided that if I didn't have "real" friends I would celebrate Christmas with some other friends. I had a couple glasses of Maker's Mark whiskey brought in from Japan and I watched one of my favorite movies of all time - "Rushmore." They were a poor replacement for friends and family, but I gotta say they were some fun amigos to be with. I haven't seen "Rushmore" in about seven years and I had forgotten what a brilliant movie it was and Maker's is always delicious.

I work in about nine hours, so I think I'm about to hit the hay, but I hope everybody had a Merry Christmas.

I am now hanging out in Korea with well less than two months until I leave and I feel like my departure is just around the corner. I can't wait to be with all of you...

Much love from Seoul

Where Are My Friends Tonight?

2007-12-25T03:23:00.000+09:00

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It is Christmas and the New Year is creeping up. My friends are all over the globe tonight and I thought I would send this out as a little Christmas greeting. This song has meant a lot to me over the past year and I know a lot of you know that. Other people have claimed it to be their song of the year (a few months after I did) and I thought it would be the proper time to unleash it on the old blog.

Merry Christmas friends, and I will see you all around the bend...

Much love from Seoul

Merry Merry

2007-12-23T23:41:00.001+09:00

It is creeping dangerously close to Christmas Eve here in Seoul. In about fifteen minutes the holiday will officially be on. My plans are minimal, but I should be spending the evening in some nice eatery around town with some amount of good friends and some amount of Christmas cheer. A few tidbits from my Korean Christmas:

Santa Clause is coming to town

For the second year in a row I got to play the role of Santa Clause at my school for the kindergarteners. I went in early on Friday and sat on a stage, handing out presents to good boys and girls that didn't really understand the language I was speaking. The kindergarteners are painfully cute and the morning was a blast.

Playing Santa Clause is enjoyable on many different levels. Santa is well-loved character. It not very often you hear things like, "Man, I fucking hate that Santa..." It just doesn't sound right. These kids were elated to see me. After I changed into the outfit I walked through the halls and peeked into classrooms which caused many shrieks of joy and mini-riots. There is something intrinsically great about Santa Clause. I didn't have to say or do anything - just wearing the outfit was enough to bring smiles to everyone's faces.

I heard some of them saying the Korean word for teacher and rolling their eyes when the found out it was just me and not the real Santa, but once they got to the stage, they were all business. I may not look like the real Santa - but there is an off-chance that I am him and they wouldn't want to offend Santa four days before he is scheduled to visit. As you may be able to see from the picture, the costume is way ghetto. I made some public demands for a new beard at the last meeting, but they were not met. I guess if the kids believe it it's okay.

By the end of it, my smile muscles were sore. I took four pictures with each kid and group pictures with each class so I was actually quite worn out by the time I was finished. As I walked through the school to get back to the vacant classroom in the front of the school that I had used as a changing room I was bombarded by last-minute well-wishers who wanted a little more face time and one last hug from Santa. It was a great morning and helped me get into the spirit of the season a little more.

stuff

I wish I believed that the Christmas season is all about the stuff you get, because if that is how I measured my holiday I would already be pleased with Christmas. The family sent over a box with a few goodies in it, but it hasn't arrived yet and won't be here for another week or two, so on Christmas morning I will have no presents to open. To rectify this, I went ahead and bought myself some Christmas presents and I must say, I know myself pretty well - I owe myself a huge thank you note. Here's a run-down:

1. Three new t-shirts from Threadless.com

2. I ticket to see Wilco in Tulsa a week after I return to the States

3. I went to EMart (Korea's answer to Target) and bought $150 worth of Christmas booze, including a bottle of Kahlua, a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Bailey's, 2 bottles of Loius Jadot Pinot Noir and 16 bottles of Hoegaarden Belgian beer. My liver is not pleased.

4. Here's the big one. I bought a ticket that leaves KC on April 30th and lands in Heathrow London airport 16 hours later and then a return flight from Florence, Italy on June 3rd.

So I've got no family and only a few friends to celebrate Christmas with, but I am not lacking on stuff. Go materialism!

Wishing me a Merry Christmas

Only two students brought me Christmas gifts, but one of them was pretty sweet. A girl from my everyday class brought me six Tootsie Roll pops wrapped together in what she called a "candy flower" and a homemade card. I found it touching and could tell from the numerous eraser marks that she had worked hard to make it perfect.

I thought it was a nice gesture on her part and the Tootsie Roll pops were delicious.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...

Much love from Seoul

A Christmas Together Alone

2007-12-19T23:58:00.000+09:00

It's been a little hard to get into the holiday spirit over here. Last year, things in Seoul were still so new that I was excited to experience a new experience and have a totally different Christmas. Turns out, it was pretty lame. This city does not really celebrate Christmas at all. I would compare Christmas in Korea to Arbor Day in the States - everybody gets a day off work but nobody gives a shit about the trees.

To help myself out, I downloaded an album from my own personal Christmas past, "A Christmas Together" by John Denver and the Muppets. This album, on vinyl, filled the Hopkins' family home each and every Christmas when I was a young boy. It took about ten seconds into the first track (a silly rendition of "The 12 Days of Christmas") for the music to bring a huge smile to my face. I am guessing that this will be in pretty heavy rotation around my flat for the next few days.

Along with a smile, the music has also brought a rush of old memories of gifts, stockings, visits from Santa, the Christmas celebrated in two separate rooms when my sister was sick, opening a box on Christmas morn that was filled to the brim with my very own Millenium Falcon, one of the worst nights of my life when I returned home drunk only to fall into the middle of the Christmas tree, meat/cheese/cracker/fruit Christmas Eve dinners, visiting Grandma's house and having her tell me when I woke up that I had just missed the sound of Santa on the roof (I was absolutely convinced he would not be able to find us if we weren't at home - my dad even wrote a note and left on the table to make sure he knew we were in Iowa,) the smell of a house when it is filled with a mixture of Christmas tree, a burning fire in the fireplace and joy, watching Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph on tv, filling the church with the lone sound of my trumpet playing a perfect opening line of "Joy to the World," the first Christmas in our new house when we forgot to open the chimney flue and the whole house filled with smoke as the fire detectors went off, socks from my aunt and uncle, chocolate Santas, playing Santa in a first grade play and spending numerous minutes on stage trying to untie my bag so I could place presents by the sleeping children as the crowd grumbled with laughter (got that one on tape,) the Christmas where the magic of Santa was spoiled when the neighbor came home from school crying because (due to some miscommunication in information) Santa Clause was dead, honey-baked ham, Christmas Eves at the Williams' house, snowy country Christmases at my aunt and uncle's farm, the Plaza lights, Candy Cane Lane, Christmas Caroling from door-to-door in grade school, seeing "A Christmas Carol" at the KC Rep and too many more for this space.

I will miss being around friends and family this weekend, but I am glad that I have these memories to keep me warm and jolly. I do have friends to spend the time with as well, who are in the same boat as me and I am sure we will make do.

I hope the yule log is keeping y'all warm.
Big ups to my boys John Denver and Kermit the Frog. That Lloyd Christmas is full of shit, John Denver is awesome. Download this now...

Happy Holidays and Much love from Seoul

A Good Day

2007-12-16T15:34:00.000+09:00

"I got to say it was a good day...I didn't even have to use my AK" - poet laureate Ice Cube

The day began on the subway with a cup of coffee in one hand and an American Time magazine (I mostly get the international edition over here) in the other. I usually loathe the subway on weekends, but with a tasty beverage and some reading material, not to mention a smaller-than-usual crowd to contend with, my venture across the city was an enjoyable one.

I went to Itaewon to buy a new shirt. I couldn't find much that suited my taste at first. Itaewon has a large population of Africans. The style for this group seems to be over-sized FUBU and sports jerseys. All of the stores I went in to were trying to sell me FUBU shirts that went to my knees. I would have bought a shirt, but I didn't have enough money to buy the obligatory gold chains to go with. I ended up in a Columbia store where they had two shirts that fit me, so I bought one of those instead. All I'm saying, is don't be shocked if I am dressed like an Afican pimp when I return to the States.

As the sun set over the Han river, some coworkers and myself headed to an Indian restaurant called Ganga to meet up with the entire crew from work for a Christmas get-together. We had a delicious dinner of nan, curries, salad, samosas (delicious little "stuffed Indian buns,") tandoori chicken, prawns, red wine and Newcastle Brown Ale. The meal was great and the company better. The dinner also featured our Secret Santa gift exchange. My coworker Laurie had me and he bought me a Korean Cookbook (in English) so I can hopefully try to recreate some Korean delights at home.

After dinner, I was invited to a house party with a few friends. It was at a cool little apartment in an area called Haebongchong - an area with lots of foreigners. I enjoy parties, and I would say that generally my favorite genre of party is the house party, but there are always some concerns when you are going to a house party full of people you don't know. Turns out, the cat throwing the party was a real laid-back guy with some great friends. It was a small apartment with a DJ in one corner, Christmas decorations on every wall, lots of Santa hats and a sweet rooftop terrace overlooking the Namsan Tower (aka - Seoul Tower.) I had some great conversations with people from all over the world - Americans, Koreans, Newfoundlandians, Scots, Irish, Kiwis - and the surprising thing is I really liked pretty much everybody I met. It was a stellar party and I hope I get invited back for another. I can't imagine very many scenarios in the States where I would end up at a party with such a diverse group of people and these kind opportunities to talk to people from all over the globe is one of my favorite things about this city.

I ended up stumbling out of the party at some point and taking to the alleys with my iPod and my camera. I wandered aimlessly and took pictures of a very serene Seoul as Clap Your Hands Say Yeah screamed in my ears. I took pictures of kimchi pots, street signs and this one of myself in a motorcycle mirror:

With only a handful of weekends left in Korea, it is nice to have great Saturdays like this, full of memories to take with me. I have had somewhat of a love-hate relationship with Seoul ever since I got here, but right now we are all love and part of me knows it will be hard to say goodbye.

Much love from Seoul

7 Words You Can't Say in Korea

2007-12-08T02:55:00.000+09:00

I have been in Korea for about fifteen months. I mainly hang around with kids and spend the majority of my time explaining what English words mean. I have encountered a bunch of words/phrases that don't translate very well and I thought I might share them with you. Some of these I feel like need some explanation, but some of them are evident why they are hard to explain to children that don't speak English:

7. Sea of Japan
(This doesn't exist in Korea. I have shown my older kids atlases with the Sea of Japan and they don't understand. Historically, Japan is evil and they refer to this body of water as the East Sea and seeing it refered to as the Sea of Japan blows young minds. When I say that everyone in America would refer to it as the Sea of Japan I am met with mouths agape and utter amazement at how stupid we are for thinking that Japan owns that Sea. Fucking Japs.)

6. Puebloan
If you can get American students to pronounce this word I am proud of you. To get Korean kids to pronounce it is amazing. If you can explain that they are an indigenous people of the American Southwest and you can make Korean kids understand you - you are brilliant...

5. motherfucker
I was asked about this word after a student had watched 'Die Hard 1' on TV ("Yipee-Kiyaiyeah muthafucka!")the previous weekend. I didn't even know where to begin with this word. I just said it is a bad thing to call someone and if he ever said it again I would kick him out of class.

4. birth control
I tried my hardest to explain this one - but I found that it just lead to the hardest word to explain to young children ever (see number one.)

3. Catholicism
Jesus is awesome. God is Awesome. But all religions that are not Catholicism suck. This word popped up in a lesson with the word Christianity - and it was a lesson how the the Spanish conquistadors killed thousand of native Americans in the 16th century all in the name of 'Catholicism.' They did it to save them from going to hell - they used guns to either kill them or enslave them. WWJD?

2. yard
This word has popped up a few times. In a city with 728 million people, there are not many yards. Just the concept of having some grass in front of a house baffles these young minds and as many pictures as I draw, the idea never gets across.

1. abortion
I don't feel like this word needs much explanation as to why it is uncomfortable to explain to kids that don't speak my language. But seriously, who includes this word in ESL books for 6th graders?

I leave in a few short weeks, so these words and concepts have become much funnier to me instead of frustating.

All I want to say, is that if that Catholic Puebloan has another motherfucking abortion in her front yard I'm going to throw her birth control in the Sea of Japan. It just makes sense. Pretty sure that if any of my students have access to this blog, their minds just exploded..

Much love from Seoul

Paparazzo

2007-12-02T21:05:00.000+09:00

I woke up at the crack of dawn yesterday (well, more like 8:00, but that's pretty early for me) so I could help a friend create some pictures. I have become friends with a cat named Andrew Morgan over here. We have numerous mutual friends and are both proud Jayhawks and both hapen to be living in the same area of Seoul, South Korea, so it makes sense that we have started hanging out. He makes some stellar music (there's a link to his blog on the right side of my page and you can check out http://www.myspace.com/morganandrew to hear his last album) and is preparing to put out a new album soon. The album just finished the mastering phase so he is now in need of some press photos.

We started on his roof, moved to the elevator in his building, walked through the woods behind his apartment, walked around his neighborhood and then ended up at an annex of the Seoul Museum of Art.

The roof was a good place to start. The floor is a weird bright green and there are spectacular views of the surrounding city and mountains. We sat around drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes and tried to take some pictures that recreated a natural Saturday morning rooftop excursion.

On our way from the roof to the woods we got into the elevator in his building. The elevator had this big mirror and the lighting in the elevator was kind of eerie. We started messing around and ended up taking a whole series of pictures in the elevator. We went from the fifth floor, to the basement, back to the fifth floor, back to the... well you get the idea. We had to pause once when a woman got on the elevator with us. Now I've got some weird looks in Korea, but the look on the girl's face when she saw us taking pictures on a never-ending, yo-yo elevator ride was one of the weirdest.

Next we headed to the woods behind his apartment for some Nick Drake shots. The weather was absolutely perfect. We were taking pictures during four of the five hours that the sun was out all weekend. The trails through the woods are very un-Seoul. It is a quiet and peaceful little corner of this busy city where there are actually trees, leaves and nature. These were fun to take.

We walked to the museum next, taking the long way there, zig-zagging through alleys and seeing lively Saturday morning Korean neighborhoods. We found a couple opportunities to take pictures that were uniquely Korean.

Finally, we ended the morning at the art gallery. I love this art gallery and wanted to take pictures here. We were told right away that we could not take pictures inside the gallery so we had to do a bunch on the sly. It was kind of fun trying to take pictures without the 60-year-old woman who was reading the bible in the hallway catching us.

A goal I had when I came to Korea was to improve my photography skills. I love to take pictures and I have had a fun time honing my skills. It was a blast to have a willing subject and a reason to take pictures for a whole morning. I was talking with another friend last night about the photo chances I will have traveling through Europe next spring and I am glad that I should be capable of capturing some of them.

I've got some good times ahead. Big darts tournament put on by the English chaps next weekend, Christmas dinner party with work the weekend after that and then it is Christmas. All is well in Seoul as time keeps pushing along.

Much love from Seoul

I'm Not There

2007-12-02T20:43:00.000+09:00

Here's another little article I put together for my buddy's zine. I have been digging the hell out of this album and if you are looking for some new tunes buy this now...

There are two genres of music that rarely produce anything worth my time or money: soundtracks and tribute albums. Clearly there are some exceptions to this rule, but in general I allow most to pass me by.

This past month, a soundtrack surfaced for the movie “I’m Not There” that doubles as a tribute to one of the most revered story-tellers of our time, Bob Dylan. Even though it is full of big names, I was still skeptical that the album would disappoint. Quite often, albums like this end up being an exercise in futility with artists giving half-assed individual efforts that when placed within the context of the other half-assed efforts make for a painful compilation. This album has two-things going for it: incredible source material and whole-hearted attempts at honoring a genius.

It is no secret that Bob Dylan is a master of creating stories and characters that have a universal and timeless appeal. People have been covering him for decades for good reason – he writes better songs then them. Dylan’s writing is full of beautiful imagery and delicious metaphor.

The lineup is impressive on many levels. The artists hail from all different eras and styles - Jeff Tweedy, Cat Power, Roger McGuinn, Mason Jennings, Yo La Tengo, Willie Nelson, Sufjan Stevens, The Black Keys, Los Lobos, Stephen Malkmus, Sonic Youth and Glen Hansard all put their own spin on Dylan classics. For the most part, the homages stay true to the originals, but each song reflects the artist’s perception of the song.

“Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door” is a song that has been covered by artists ranging from Guns and Roses all the way to Jerry Garcia. To be honest, I find both of the aforementioned versions to be rubbish. On this album, however, Antony and the Johnsons create a sound that bubbles with beauty. With simple piano and perfect phrasing, the song is given a new life and shows the chart the reverence it deserves.

With the help of Calexico, My Morning Jacket’s Jimmy James does a heartfelt rendition of “Going to Acapulco.” I am not too familiar with MMJ’s catalog, but James’s voice is haunting and suits the song well. Some well-placed horns in the background accompany the band as they paint a Dylan masterpiece.

There are a few misses on the album. I find Eddie Vedder’s “All Along the Watchtower” to be boring and there is a section of Willie’ Nelson’s “Senor” where an almost comical voice sings in Spanish, but all in all, this album soars.

Just like Dylan, this album will stand the test of time. A celebration of the man, the myth and the legend that is Bob Dylan could have easily gone awry in less capable hands, but these artists gave Rock and Roll’s patriarch a tribute that is as quality as the man himself.

Much love from Seoul

Leftovers

2007-11-25T22:47:00.000+09:00

Today I have eaten two fatty turkey sandwiches. Half of the reason I even wanted to cook a turkey was to have leftovers to munch on this week. This afternoon I was quite thankful that I had some delicious smoky, Jack-Stacky turkey between two pieces of good wheat bakery bread.

I thought it would be a fun activity for me to go through the archives of photos that I have taken and post a few. I take a lot of pics and only post a small percentage of what I take. Here is a smattering of leftover pictures from the past 15 months...

In front of the Leeum modern art museum. I am giving the cliched Korean pose for a picture. I'm not mocking them - imitation is the highest form of praise. Okay, I'm mocking them.

I've taken a bunch of pictures of different street art, graffiti and vandalism - this is my favorite. It is in Hongdae, definitely the best spot to see shit painted on walls.

And here's another.

Two from Christmas last year. This is what happens when you have no family to be around on Chrismas. The top is a shot of me possessed on the dancefloor. The bottom is a co-worker and I. She leaves this week, making me the next teacher to depart.

Dinner with work. One of the bus drivers was walking around and wrapping slices of kimchi in pork and force-feeding us. Koreans are weird.

This robot never called me. It gave me one of the best nights of my life though.

In the spring, I told myself that as soon as Thanksgiving rolled around I would be entering into my final stage of my Korean journey. Thanksgiving has come and gone and it's time to start thinking about heading home.

Hope the long weekend treated everyone right. See you real soon...

Much love from Seoul

Christmas in July...

2007-11-24T23:35:00.000+09:00

(do you see the boiling beer escaping through the neck?)

...seems more likely than a quality Thanksgiving in Korea, but today the stars and stripes prevailed. Weeks of planning and scheming all came to a head today as a few of us Americans tried to put on a Thanksgiving feast - and we could not have been much more successful.

Last year the dinner was cooked in a birdcage. This year we took a major step forward and cooked it in a Weber grill - using the bird cage wrapped in foil as a lid. With the help of hickory wood chips and Jack Stack all-purpose rub, a bird was beer-canned and smoked to a degree that most Koreans cannot even fathom. The smells that filled the hallways of my building were enough to give me a semi.

Our dinner consisted of the beer-can turkey, Stove Top stuffing, cranberry jelly, some incredible garlic mashed potatoes, salad, pumpkin pie coated in Cool Whip and a wide array of red wines. Each bite was better than the next, and it was all made very Asian as I consumed each bite with chopsticks...

If you thought it was hard to pick up cranberry jelly with a fork, just try chopsticks. I've been living in Asia for well over a year and feel pretty confident with my chopstick skills, but the cranberries gave me a run for my money.

It is hard for me to explain the feeling of contentment that I felt once the meal was finished. Combining the flavors of turkey, stuffing, potatoes and cranberries in my mouth all at once made my head swim with pleasure. But as soon as all was said and done, I had this feeling of being totally comfortable with my lot in life - a feeling I have not had for awhile in Korea. All is right in Kyle's world and if the Hawks can find a way to beat the slave owners tomorrow, life will be perfect.

I am about to fall into bed in a meat coma so I can wake up early to listen to the game at Arrowhead, but I want to leave you with one last picture of a carnivore in action...

Much love from Seoul

Gobble Gobble

2007-11-23T01:50:00.000+09:00

Happy Turkey Day to all. It has now moved into the wee hours of Friday here, so although most of you have not sat down to your Thanksgiving dinners yet, in Korea we have already ventured into the biggest shopping day of the year.

For the second year in a row I celebrated Thanksgiving at an Outback in Seoul, Korea. Kind of weird that that has become routine for me. This year, unlike last year, I did not fly solo. An American friend of mine accompanied me after work and we had some nice big steaks and talked about how thankful we were that the workday was over. Not quite the same as enjoying a turkey dinner with the family and heading to the Plaza in the evening to brave the cold and the crowds to get that tingling sensation that a gazillion lights turning on can bring - but I was grateful to have someone to dine with.

The real excitement of today came this morning. I woke up early to listen the Jayhawks thrash Northern Arizona (44-10 at the half - are you kidding me?) and then I headed across town to the Western market in Hannam-Dong to pick up a turkey. I purchased a 20-pound turkey that I will attempt to smoke on my grill on Saturday. I made it work last year inside a bird cage, so I am pretty sure we can make it happen with a Weber this year. (There should be some good pics posted by Sunday)

The majority of my friends in Korea should all be collected around a table on Saturday evening as we enjoy wine, tryptophan and each others company. I am definitely looking forward to enjoying a little slice of Americana (and maybe pumpkin pie!) in Seoul this weekend.

I hope everyone has a beautiful day. Since we have entered Friday officially in Korea, I am now officially three months from leaving Korea - now there's something to be thankful for...

Much love from Seoul

I Got Worms

2007-11-15T23:26:00.000+09:00

Sam Hopkins visited Seoul this weekend. It was really great to have somebody from back home to hang out with. It's not often that I can walk the streets with someone I have so much in common with - we are both Lancers, we are both Jayhawks and we are both jews.

He arrived on Saturday. I met him at the nearest subway stop to my place to find him with a wide grin and couple bottles of duty-free Maker's Mark. We came back to my apartment and caught up. He told me tales of freedom from the States and I shared anecdotes from my adventures in Asia. It didn't take long for us to break into the Makers and let the night begin.

After a few glasses of whiskey we headed down the alley to my local Korean barbecue joint where everybody was very happy to see us. We consumed some galbi (marinated pig,) some maekchu (beer,) and some soju (boozy booze.) We had planned all along to head to Hongdae to check the scene in that part of town, but alas we were a little too fucked up. I called my friends who we were supposed to meet and they came to my hood. We ended up at a place we call the German Hof which is a little beer and sausage restaurant. The night moved into oblivion as we all fell further into drunkeness.

Sam and I separated from the rest of the crew and headed to the new convenience store in my alley to get beer. We bought some tins of lager and got halfway home before we realized we needed food. We went back to the store. Sam chose some chips as I rambled on and on about how we had to get some Korean snacks while he was in Korea. I picked us out some bon-dae-gee and we headed back to my place.

Bon-dae-gee is the Korean term for silkworm pupae. They are a very popular snack over here. They are sold everywhere and the smell of roasting worms fills the air in many neighborhoods. I have always found the smell to be atrocious, but I felt like the time had come to give them a chance. My logic: they can't be worse than live octopus. Regardless of my initial impressions and opinions on the snack it is still a fact that they are fucking bugs.

We got back to my place and cracked open the can. My room instantly reeked of insect juice. I thought that I had become immune to bad smells living in Korea, but it turns out I am not. We took the two little plastic spoons the clerk provided us with and we decided to dive in. I turned on the camera and let it roll...

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I am assuming that it is evident, but I want to make a little disclaimer that we were pretty drunk at this point. there is a lot of incoherent babbling and half sentences going on, but without our level of intoxication I don't think either of us ever would have been willing to eat bugs.

We did a few takes of the video and after eating two or three, it all became a little too much for Sam. He ran to the bathroom to put the bugs that he had put in his mouth where they belong - in the toilet. In this next video, you can hear him throwing the bugs up as I do what any good host would and take care of the problem that is troubling my guest. It should also be noted that I live on the fourth floor of my building...

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All day Sunday we were both tormented by burps that tasted like these little fuckers. There are a couple opportunities to get a glimpse of them in the videos. They are swimming in a toxic stew of their own juices and shit. I am cringing as I write all this, but I will not say I regret it. I don't think I will have too many similar opportunities once it is time for me to hit the road, so I gotta keep hitting up all that Seoul offers until that time comes around. Hopefully, the next opportunity that arises has more sex with Korean girls and less bug eating...

Much love from Seoul

Assholes

2007-11-15T00:35:00.001+09:00

I've had a visitor for the last few days so I haven't had much time to maintain the old web log. The weekend and the beginning of the new week were full of excitement. I have a couple pictures, videos and stories to share, so check back the next few days because I plan on sharing some if it with you all.

I'll get to the weekend adventures tomorrow, but tonight I want to tell you about a little cultural thing that I just learned about a little bit ago. It is such an integral part of my daily life that it baffles me that I have been ununderstanding (learned that word from one of my students) it ever since I arrived.

When I first arrived, I learned how to greet people and how to say goodbye. I learned some of the accepted and expected body language cues to look for and offer up. For example, I always bow to parents when I meet them and then they bow back. Even though I may not be able to fully articulate a level of proper respect for elders upon first meeting them, this conveys everything I need to say in a simple gesture.

So even though I felt like I had mastered the art of greeting Koreans, I was still lacking in a major department: when I greeted children. Since I work in a school and the majority of the human beings I know on this continent are children, I find myself greeting children on a pretty regular basis. Some children occassionally bow to me, some wave, some say, "Hi," some say "Annyong" in a mocking tone, some stick their tongues out at me or make another funny face, some ask me to buy them food, some call me "Kyle Teacher," and some just ignore me when I say hello. I may not have perfected the children greeting, but kids are fickle bitches and I figured I had gotten as good at the task as I ever would.

But there was one thing that started to get to me a little bit.

The bell rings and I allow a line of kids to head to the bus and I head to the teachers' lounge. As I saunter through the hall, weaving through leaving students and students making their way to class, I make eye contact with a sweet and smiley 10-year-old girl. Her English is fluent due to her year spent living in Canada and after teaching her for awhile I feel like we have a pretty strong bond, both as teacher-student and just simply as friends. I know her well and am excited to see her smiling face. I see that she is studying and, at the risk of disturbing her, I say hello and nudge her arm. She looks at me with a deadpan stare and shakes her head back and forth. It reminds me of a look I used to get as a young boy when my mother would catch me with a taut rubber band in my hand about to snap my sister in the face in the middle of a silent church. The countenance is not pleasent and the head shaking makes it worse. The first time my jovial salutation was met with this morose response I was shocked. Then the shock turned to emmbarrassment and then guilt - not the normal range of emotion one usually feels when greeting their students.

The first time it happened, I thought it was a one-time occurrence and I had done something else to piss this girl off. But then it happened again and again with some regularity. It even happened a couple times in public when I saw kids with their parents on the street.

It is hard to explain what it is like to get a look of disdain and disappointment from a kindergartener. Especially with the emphasis on respecting elders in Asia, I was blown away each time this happened.

To my surprise (and to be honest, somewhat delight) I found out through a drunken conversation that I was not the only foriegner to get the stink-eye from the Korean children. My co-workers were equally as baffled as I at the way the kids felt comfortable mocking our greetings with a head shake and a stare. The same conversation reappeared at the office and one of our Korean co-teachers overheard and giggled a little bit. She explained to us that it is an equivalent of the hand wave. Just as the hand goes back and forth in a familiar western greeting, the Korean head going back and forth can sometimes signal a hello. It seems to only be kids, and usually kids who are too lazy to lift their hand or open their mouth to say hello (or smile!) but I now see that it is pretty accepted gesture. It is not meant as any disrespect, but for well over a year I had been taking it as a slap in the face.

So there you have it, I feel like I've been living in Seoul forever and I am pretty acclimated to what is going on around me, but I didn't learn how to wave until a few weeks ago.

I'm gonna upload some stuff to youtube and see if I can figure out how to link it to this page and I'll do a nice posting about eating bugs tomorrow. Here's a little teaser from the weekend. WE checked out an art gallery on Sunday in Insadong that had some weird art. All of the titles were the names of popular music and Pearl Jam was blaring over the stereo, but the constant theme running through all of the pieces was genitals. This was a big picture of a bunch of differnet asshole paintings. Thought this was a good metaphor for my life in Korea: surrounded by assholes...

Much love from Seoul

Music Love from Seoul

2007-11-07T22:24:00.000+09:00

A friend over here asked me to do a music write up for a little 'zine he hands out in Hongdae. I put together a little review of my favorite albums of this past year. If you don't own any of these albums, get them now.

Ever since I moved to Seoul I have been downloading with impunity. This has given me an opportunity to listen to albums I may not have had the opportunity to hear if I was living back home. Some of these albums get deleted the day after they arrive, but others have found their way into a special place in my heart. They contain the songs that fill my head as a roam the streets of this city and they have the songs that I sing in the shower. In my humble opinion, here are the top five albums of 2007:

5. “The Reminder” – Feist
Leslie Feist created one of the most genuine albums of the year. When I listen to her sing, I feel as if I am listening to her diary entries set in front of beautiful, layered melodies. I think she is experiencing some over-exposure in other parts of the world, but here in Korea where we are not inundated with her iPod commercials ad nauseum she remains a delightful treat. If you haven’t seen the video for “one two three four,” head to youtube and check it. It is like looking into cinematic kaleidoscope for three minutes. There is a vast variety of styles put forth in Feist’s sophomore effort and yet the whole album flows exceptionally well.

4. “Version” – Mark Ronson
At first I felt like this album was a guilty pleasure, but as it began to grow on me, I became aware of its brilliance. With the help of the funkiest horn section and backing band on the planet (the Dap-Tones,) Mark Ronson has produced a wide variety of interesting covers and homages to contemporary music. Covering the likes of bands spanning from The Zutons all the way to Britney Spears (that’s right,) he finds ways to re-imagine the tracks and make them sound hip. If you doubt this album, you will be convinced by the instrumental intro “God Put A Smile Upon Your Face” – he even makes Coldplay sound cool.

3.”We All Belong” – Dr. Dog
Although this album was released this year, I have a theory that it may have been recorded around 1974 - there aren’t very many bands on the scene in 2007 that sound like Dr. Dog. I hear hints of The Band, The Guess Who and The Beatles throughout, but it still manages to be original. With a church basement piano and some delicious vocal harmonies, they produce a brand of folky psychedelia that makes me yearn for the drugs of the old country. The band sounds like they are enjoying themselves during every track.
Even with a song titled “Die, Die, Die” on the album, it is oozing with optimism, spreading the message that this could be a great world if we could begin to understand that we all belong.

2. “Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga” – Spoon
I was convinced that this Austin band had hit a peak with “Gimme Fiction” but they proved me wrong with their newest release. It is short, but what it lacks in length it makes up for with substance. Their production has improved and with that comes a more mature sound. I also feel that their songwriting has improved and they, as a band, understand to a higher degree who Spoon is. Considering how long they have been around as a band, I am impressed with their ability to continue to make cutting-edge, quality rock music. To me, this is what an indie rock band should sound like.

1. “Sound of Silver” – LCD Soundsystem
A friend visited from Onyang and brought this with him when it first came out and I instantly fell in love with it. Amazingly, it has gotten better with each and every listen. Lyrically, it is full of witty nuggets of introspection and observation, but the album is driven by a killer band and some sweet cowbell solos. This is one of those rare albums that I find impossible to stop once I have started it – it plays as one long track in my head. I dare you to spin this album and not dance. After Daft Punk played at their house, LCD Soundsystem found a way to keep the party going – and I’m glad they did.

One thing I will definitely miss about Seoul is my ability to download anything I want - quite often before it is even available to the American public. Being an internet pirate is fun and I will miss it. Maybe to help myself adjust to the real world I will wear an eye patch for a couple weeks after I return.

Special thanks goes out to my International Editor, Andrew Foertsch Esq. for his assistance with this.

Much Love from Seoul

Theologians Don't Know Nothin' About My Seoul

2007-11-04T21:21:00.000+09:00

Jesus is bigger than Jesus over here. I see him all over town and I have started collecting pictures of him.

One thing that has surprised me is the fact that Jesus is always Anglo-Saxonish. I am under the impression that the actual Jesus did not look like he was from Ohio, yet the majority of Jesuses over here look like they work for an insurance company in Cleveland. In the middle-East Jesus has darker Arabic skin, in Africa Jesus has black skin but in Asia there is no yellow skinned Jesus. Despite this fact, the country I reside in is overwhelmingly Christian.

Koreans, if you allow me to stereotype for a minute, love rules, hate thinking outside the box and can be quite superficial. It seems to me that this makes them likely candidates to belong to one of the hundreds of glitzy mega-churches that fill this city. They find the church that looks the biggest and most holy with the biggest neon cross glowing atop the steeple and walk right in.

At night, the skyline lights up with hundreds of neon crosses like beacons of hope calling souls to the Lord (or to an all-you-can-eat buffet.) I will admit that at first I was a little shocked at all of the neon crosses, but I now realize that it is very Korean to mix the ideology of your religion with the advertising tactics if Vegas. On my first night in this town, I was picked up by my boss. I had been awake for over 24 hours and I had just entered the strange surroundings of Korea and the first thing that caught my eye was a neon cross. Then another, and another and another. I couldn't figure out what they were. At first I thought the cross was a symbol for a casino. Then I began to think that maybe it was a hospital symbol - that seemed more logical to me. When I asked my boss what they were, she laughed and said, "Don't churches in America have crosses too?" It may sound crazy, and to be honest I was in a crazy kind of mindset, but it never occurred to me that they could be churches. I am used to it by now, but it still seems incredibly gaudy (not "God"-dy) and a little bit sacrilegious. And speaking of sacrilegious, there are ATM's in the lobbies of some mega-churches over here. I am sure it happens at some of the mega-churches in the States too, but I find that a little bit repulsive.

Anyway, allow me to share a few Jesuses with you from around my neighborhood. I have others, but today I want to share three of my favorite.

The first, at the top of this entry is a Jesus statue that happens to be on a ladder. This steeple overlooks the tennis courts I play on with some regularity. I always check to see if Jesus has moved but he is usualy in the same place. It is still up for debate whether he is climbing up or down, but either way, when you can find a savior that is willing to do janitorial work around the church, I say you've picked a winning religion.

This Jesus is on a building at the university that is across the street from me. With some regularity, I see people too drunk to walk, literally kneeling at Jesus's feet. This piece of divine art is made up of hundreds of small, different colored stones. Koreans, unoriginal in thinking and style, must be able to relate to the sheep in this picture.

I walk by this virtually every day. I think it is cool-looking, but you must admit that it bears an uncanny resemblance to similar homages to Bob Marley and Che Guevera. Don't be too surprised if this image ends up on a t-shirt being sold at the Gap.

Even though the oddities of this country become more and more normal each day I live here, there are some things that still boggle my mind daily. I definitely thought I would be living in a country dominated by Eastern religious thought, but that could not be less true. There are some Buddhist temples around, but Jesus seems to be everybody's homeboy over here. It's weird that I moved away from the Bible Belt (where evolution is something the kooky non-believers made up) to a place where Jesus is more prevelant. Go figure.

I'm not sure how God will feel about this entry, so just to be on the safe side, pray extra hard for me when you are at church this morning.

Much Love from Seoul

Jayhawk Fever

2007-11-02T00:00:00.000+09:00

It is just after midnight in Korea and I'm about to head to bed. I probably won't be able to sleep very easily though, because I've got a big morning ahead of me.

I should be waking up around 8:30, heading over to Starbuck's and then sitting in front of my computer celebrating the beginning of the college basketball season in a KU shirt and my boxers. In Korea, I don't have access to much but radio feeds, but last year during the preseason they showed a live video feed from Allen Fieldhouse - I am hoping the same will be true tomorrow.

A package arrived in the mail today with Thanksgiving spices, "I am America (and So Can You,)" and the Sporting News college basketball preview. Even though I live as far away from Allen Field House as I ever have in my life (my move across the hall during the off-season places me about 10 feet further than I was last year,) I am pretty engulfed in Jayhawk basketball fever. I've been reading articles all night and can't wait to hear Bob Davis coming over my internet radio waves in the morning.

This also signals another milestone in my journey. I know I'm heading back Stateside in the middle of the Big XII season. I am excited to be a subscriber to the Jayhawk radio network via the internet, but I am equally excited (if not more so) to cancel that subscription and head to a place where the games are shown on televisions for free.

I know I'm not the only fan in the world thinking this is his team's year, and I know that this isn't the first time I have felt this level of optimism at the beginning of a KU basketball season, but that doesn't stop me from feeling this sense of elation. Season starts in a few hours - bring it on bitches...

Rock Chalk Jayhawk go KU!

Much love from Seoul

Keepin' My Fingers Crossed for Creed...

2007-10-31T01:04:00.000+09:00

Something exciting just happened - something that got me a little excited about the future.

I was checking pitchforkmedia.com and I saw that Iron and Wine has posted 2008 tour dates. I am really excited to get to see some live music once I return to the States and this is the first time I have seen tour dates posted by a band for next year. Now that 2008 is only a few short months away, it should be happening more and I am anxiously awaiting the time when I can start buying concert tickets for the spring.

I have lots of hopes and dreams for bands that I would like to see playing the midwest in a few months. KC and Lawrence shows are what I will really be on the lookout for, but I am also in the market to visit St. Louis, Columbia and Dallas (or Austin) to see friends and tunes. Hell, I might even make it to Portland if something amazing pops up.

This signals my inevitable departure from this kooky city back to a land with good beer, good food, better coffee, bigger boobs, live music scenes, English conversations in greater abundance, law enforcement that recognizes the validity of my driver's license, campfires on beaches, Whole Foods and way more freedom.

I am not ready to leave yet, but I am starting to get excited about coming home.

Much love from Seoul

Good News

2007-10-25T11:58:00.000+09:00

I walked into the neurologists office this morning and asked, "Do you have good news for me?" Her answer was, "Absolutely."

The diagnosis is a migraine headache. My head hurt for about six days and she said that it was due to a migraine. She didn't have very many answers as to why it happened or what I can do to make sure it doesn't happen again, but I think it is about the best thing I could've hoped for considering the other options she had thrown out previously. I do not have MS, I did not have a stroke and my body is not so overloaded with freedom that it has trouble functioning (although I still think that may be part of it.)

When I asked what I can do to make sure it doesn't happen again she told me that there is really nothing to do. She suggested I "keep on living like I have been living." I responded by saying that that may not be the best advice to give me, but I will take it anyways.

I have to say my encounter with the Korean medical system was all in all a pretty positive thing. There is socialized medicine here and I found it to be incredibly effective, quick and caring. Other than the language barrier I found no flaws in the system and was quite pleased every step of the way. At first I freaked out to be having issues so far from home, but in the end I am glad that I was here. I actually feel that I may have received better care in Korea than I would have in the States - and I have insurance here, something I most likely would not have in the States.

The last week has been pretty hectic. I am glad to finally get some resolution to the issue and move past it. I want to thank all of you that reached out across the ocean and offered support. It made me feel good to know that people all over the globe were sending good vibes my way.

Well, now it's back to life as usual. A little less than four months and I head back to the States. I'm ready to enjoy the final push of my Korean adventure and keep living like I have been living.

Much love from Seoul

Magnets Resonating Inside

2007-10-23T23:43:00.000+09:00

The chronicles of my brain and the Korean hospital system continue...

I had an MRI yesterday morning. I was pretty anxious going into the whole thing, but once it all began I became incredibly calm.

When I arrived at the hospital I was handed a pair of pants and a robe-like shirt that I was supposed to change into. I was escorted to a changing room and left to sort myself out. Before I was even finished unfolding the pants I realized there was going to be problems. The waist was elastic and fit quite well, but the length of the legs was comical. They looked like capri pants that I had paid a tailor to cut a few inches off of. Had they been a little baggier, I would have been the closest thing to MC Hammer Korea has ever seen, but instead I looked like I had stolen pants from a thirteen-year-old girl. I found the shirt to be comfortable, but the doc did not. It was similar to a robe in that the two sides of the shirt wrapped around and were meant to be supported with a cloth band that was tied in the front. Mine was missing a button and the shirt showed off the majority of my chest and belly hair. The sleeves went just past my elbows and the doctor was a little uncomfortable around me. I think he was worried the nurse may not to be able to do her job with so much sexiness exuding from the patient. He pulled the shirt as tight as he could and we continued on.

Immediately, I was asked to sign a form. the doctor said a whole bunch to me in Korean and said the word, "Sign!" I asked what I was signing and he said, "M. R. I." and pointed the those same three letters on the top of the form, the only part of the form I could actually read. I felt like there was probably important information on the form and probably something I was supposed to read before I signed it. They called an orderly in who spoke perfect English and he told me what it said. He also explained the procedure to me and, once I had signed the paper, I headed into the room with the orderly, doc and nurse in tow.

I laid down on the "bed" and put my head into the cage at one end of it. The doctor offered me headphones saying it would be loud. The orderly asked me if I liked Korean pop music or if I would prefer something else. I asked if they had jazz and he said, "Do you like Korean pop music?" I asked if there was a classical music option (thought it might help me stay calm) and he asked, "Do you like Korean pop music?" as the doctor put the headphones over my ears.

I was told that the most important thing was for me not to move. I tried to get in a comfortable position and then they buckled me in. The loud sounds of Korean pop idols filled my brain as the bed began to move backwards so the machine could take pictures of it.

Once the procedure began I went into a sort of trance. It was a forced meditation that I kind of enjoyed. My thoughts drifted from past memories to future hopes. I remembered concerts I had been to and people I had met. I pictured the drive from my parents house to Lawrence, thinking that the MRI would last about as long as that drive. The only thing that brought me out of the trance was when there was a song that came on my headphones that I recognized. I wasn't sure what it was until the first words came out: "I, I just died in your arms tonight..." The only song not in Korean and it happens to a rock ballad that references death in the first line. Not my first choice for a hospital ditty, but I'm not the Chung-Ang University hospital DJ.

It couldn't have gone much better, but yesterday wasn't the hard part. I go back in on Thursday for the results. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for the "too-much-freedom-in-your-system" diagnosis, but there are still some other possibilities out there...

I put together a little playlist that has been helping keep my mind of the shit that's going on around me. If you would like to play along at home, put the playlist together on your iPod, hold your breath till you're so dizzy that you pass out and head to the hospital:

1. "If It Wasn't For You" - Handsome Boy Modeling School
2. "Bodysnatchers" - Radiohead
3. "Sneakin' Out the Hospital" - Beastie Boys
4. "I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself" - The White Stripes
5. "Shake It Off" - Wilco
6. "Blue Balloon" - Ween
7. "Luckiest Man" - The Wood Brothers
8. "Cold Brains" - Beck
9. "Hercules" - Aaron Neville
10. "I Feel Like Going Home" - Yo La Tengo
11. "Hospital Beds" - Cold War Kids
12. "Trouble With Dreams" - Eels
13. "Weekend" - Dr. Dog
14. "Helter Skelter" - The Beatles
15. "I Shall Be Released" - Bob Dylan
16. "Heavy Metal" - Clap Your Hands Say Yeah
17. "Free" - Cat Power
18. "Spider's House" - Califone
19. "L'amour Ne Dure Pas Toujours" - Feist
20. "True Affection" - The Blow
21. "God's Child" - David Byrne and Selena

I've got about 36 hours until I find out what, if anything, is going on with my body. Hopefully I will have some good news to report in a couple days.

Much love from Seoul

Patient

2007-10-18T23:21:00.000+09:00

I spent a few hours at the ER last night.

During my last class of the day I started to lose my vision and my limbs and face got numb. I blocked it out until class was over and once I got to the teachers lounge I started to kind of freak out - and so did some of the people around me. I rushed (the word rushed may be misused here - I struggled in traffic in the back seat of a cab) to a nearby hospital as quick as I could.

An assistant from the school came with me so he could act as my translater. He is really good at Korean, so I trusted he was telling the doctor and nurses what was going on, but he is lacking in the English depertment, so I was pretty much in the dark.

I was sitting on a typical hospital bed in the middle of a large room full of other hospital beds. A woman was dying about ten feet from where I was as her family softly cried and consoled her. A young boy in another bed was standing on the bed while a doctor felt his penis. A man with severe head trauma was motionless a few beds away as his head continued to slowly ooze blood all over his pillow. And I was sitting in the middle of this, disoriented and listening to a Korean conversation that may very well decide my fate.

A nurse started taking my blood for tests and I collapsed backwards on the bed. After they had my blood, I was rushed around and some emergency tests were taken. I had to sign a few waivers that I'm still not completely clear as to what I waived. It was an absolutely terrifying experience. I speak often of feelings of helplessness in this country, but this forced me to completely trust people I had never met before.

Not long after the initial tests, the owner of my school rushed in with another woman from school. They were able to help me understand more of what was happening and definitely put my mind at ease a little bit. I had been in the ER for about an hour and had yet to hear a genuine word of English. Then the emergency tests came back and they were all negative (or positive, whatever the good one is) and I became much more relaxed.

A woman tried to do a heart test on me. She had a machine that would only work if she could get the little suction cups to suction to my skin. Apparently I am a little more hairy than most Koreans, because she could not get the cups to cling to my skin. It was kind of a humorous situation and helped ease the tension further.

It was a long night. I ended up back at home in a weird state of mind. I was very thankful for all of the people around me that came to my aide. Without the help of others, I am not sure what I could have done. At the same time, some atypical events transpired over the evening and reflecting on them was not entirely a joyful time.

I went to see a neurologist this morning and she decided that I need to have an MRI and an MRA on Monday to figure out what is going on. Again, a woman from school came with me. She showed me where to go in the hospital, filled out my paperwork and acted as translater between myself and the doctor. I feel as if I understand what is going on a little better now - now I just need to have some patience.

So, on Monday a large machine in Seoul, Korea will be taking pictures of the fruit inside my melon. I will have to wait until next Thursday to get the results. Looks like I may have a week full of stressful thoughts and worries. Good thing I'm a glass-half-full kinda guy.

If you pray, keep me in your prayers.
If you're a jew, rub Moses's belly for me.
If you practice voodoo, kill a chicken for me.

I'll be getting through this one way or another, I've just gotta be patient...

Much love from Seoul

Fireworks

2007-10-14T18:28:00.000+09:00

There was a huge fireworks competition held in Seoul last night. I bought a couple big bottles of beer and met up with friends to watch it all go down.

The competition came in three shifts. Japan did a show. America (Fuck Yeah!) did a show. And Korea did a show. To be honest they were all pretty good, but I truly thought that the Americans put forth the best effort - we Americans love blowing shit up and we're good at it. We sat close to the Han River, many miles away from the show. I heard that if you wanted to be near the competion you would have had to arrive before 3:00 (and the shows started around 7:00.) Even though we were pretty far from the center of the action, we still encountered a huge crowd. We had a great view of the show though, and I would say that all in all it was a good night.

Too Many People

This picture was taken as we were leaving. I was amazed at how many people there were even though we were so far away from where the actual event was taking place. I guess a lot of people had the same idea as us. If you look closely, you will notice that the sea of people does not end. It goes all the way under that tunnel and for another mile or more behind it. Fucking ridiculous. And if you look really close, you just might find Waldo.

This crowd was larger than the crowd I am usually surrounded by, but there are always huge groups of people everywhere I go. Seoul has too many people. According to my friend Ben (which means according to Wikipedia) there are more than 44,000 people for every square mile in Seoul. If you think about that for a second, it is mind boggling. It is one of the most densely populated cities in the world, and that is a fact that I can back up from experience. I guess I've gotten used to it, but it still bothers me. It is painful to be trying to walk on the street or through a subway station, only to be caught up in a "traffic" jam. It makes me yearn for a town like Lake Nebagamon where there are more trees than people.

Stereotypes

You know the stereotype that all Asians take pictures - it is true. The waterfront where we were was littered with tripods and cameras. I don't think this picture shows how many cameras there really were, but I liked the way it turned out. One of my good friends over here thought it looked like a shot from World War II.

Koreans take pictures of themselves alone on the subway, they take pictures of their meal when it arrives at their table at a restaurant, they take pictures of anything and everything. Maybe that is why I've been playing with my camera so much lately - maybe I'm becoming Korean...

Much love from Seoul

Fact or Opinion?

2007-10-09T23:27:00.001+09:00

I was teaching the terms fact and opinion to some second graders yesterday. We have discussed them before, but their little brains need lots of reminding.

So I went with opinion first. I asked what an opinion was and looked around the room to be met with looks of confusion. I said, "When someone gives you an opinion they are telling you what they..." and I placed my index finger on my temple. Instantly a bunch of hands went up. I called on a girl who said, "An opinion is what someone thinks." Wow. Not only did she know the answer, but she was speaking in full English sentences. I was incredibly proud of her (and the rest of the class by association.)

Now it was time to move on to fact. I asked what the word "fact" meant and one hand was raised. A young boy who goes by the name Jason Kim had raised his hand and had a confident look in his eye. I would be a liar if I said he is the smartest kid I teach. I was a little astonished he knew the answer, but I was pleased he thought he might know the answer. I called on him and he said, "You. Teacher you are fat."

I've worked with children long enough to not be offended, but I thought it was pretty funny.

Much love from your fat friend in Seoul

Pictures I Took

2007-10-07T19:16:00.001+09:00

I went on a long walk around the neighborhood today. I wanted to take some pictures and enjoy a nice afternoon. Once I began walking, dark clouds filled the sky, but I kept walking and shooting.

I also checked out the SeMA (Seoul Museum of Art) and got to see a cool photography exhibit (check the entry below for more on that.) It was a lovely afternoon and I think I got some good shots. Check it:

I ran into this cat on the street. He was eating some form of meat on a stick and I noticed an emblem that looked like the Royal's KC logo on his sleeve. As I got closer I realized that he was supporting the blue and gold. We had an akward conversation (he didn't speak much English.) It was easy for me to explain my excitement because I was wearing a shirt that said Kansas City on it and he was more than happy to let me take his picture.

I took a whole series of pictures in different mirrors around town. These are two of my favorites that I took.

Another good example of Konglish. According to a co-worker, the Korean on this sign refers to "hormonal medicine." I really like the triple "S" in the middle of the made up word. At first I thought it was some sort of Christian sex club, but I was wrong.

Here's a few more images I captured. This is the world I live in...

I had fun taking these. I've been waiting for a nice day to walk around and do this, but the weather has been pretty shitty as of late. It was a good day and I'm glad to share with you.

Much love from Seoul

Pictures I Didn't Take

2007-10-07T19:09:00.000+09:00

I've collected a sampling of photographs from the artists featured in an exhibit at the Seoul Museum of Art I saw today. The exhibit was titled "Landscape of Korean Contemporary Photography" and this should give you a good idea of what it was all about. I walk by this gallery all the time and it's never open. I was glad to finally get a chance to check it out.

There's No Place Like Oz

2007-09-30T21:33:00.000+09:00

I got to do something unimaginable this morning. Although I live in Seoul, I went to a party in Prairie Village, Kansas.

There was a big engagement party for a few very close friends and with the help of another close friend, I managed to make an appearance at the fiesta via webcam. Many other close friends were in attendance and we managed to keep the whole thing a surprise until the second I appeared on their screen and a room full of many of my best friends appeared on my screen.

There was a moment when everyone appeared that bowled me over. I was sitting at my computer screen reading an article on ESPN.com drinking a cup of coffee and then right there in front of me flashed these people that I miss so much. The element of surprise and the applause that the room erupted with filled me with an indescribable happiness. I was literally speechless for a few moments (which doesn't happen to me very often.)

"I" was set in the corner of a room and somebody pulled a couple chairs up to the screen. For an hour and a half I got to share stories and laughs. Seeing familiar faces and hearing familiar voices forced my mouth into a permanent smile. TO be honest, I couldn't stop smiling after the webcam session ended.

I've been living in Asia for well over a year. Throughout the past 13 months I have had minor bouts with homesickness, but I have become so far removed, I think I forgot how nice it is to be able to talk to good friends. I had forgotten what I was missing.

The only bad thing about the party was I could never talk anybody into cyber-sex. I did flash my tits and came close to taking my pants off, but no go. I thought I heard some mentions of a 3-way, but it never materialized...

Technology has really improved my quality of life over here. I am able to stay connected to friends all over the world. I instantly know the scores to games that are happening back home. And now today, I got to travel hafway across the world and have conversations with the poeple who mean the most to me.

It was a great pleasure to see many of you this morning. I can't wait till we can do it in person.

Much love from Seoul

Mr. Roboto

2007-09-15T15:48:00.000+09:00

Put this together last Friday night.
Thought some of you might enjoy it.

Keep On Keepin' On

2007-09-15T14:48:00.000+09:00

I think I have found my way out of the funk I recently found myself in, and if last night isn't proof of this, I don't know what is.

I decided to go to Costco to stock up on frozen items, booze and other essentials. I was going solo after I got off work at 6:00. It was sprinkling outside, but I am never one to allow the weather to dictate my plans, so I decided I would make the trip anywho.

To get to Costco you have to get off at the nearest subway stop and then take a cab a mile or two up a hill to the bulk-buying, bargain-hunter's paradise. By the time I came out of the proper station, the sprinkle had turned into a downpour. I was able to flag down two different cabs, both who tried to explain in Korean why they couldn't take me there. Both of them got an ear-full of English cuss words and slanders. I tried to bribe both of them with extra money and still they both said no.

I continued walking in the direction of Costco, all the while trying in vain to hail a cab and getting soaked to the bone. There comes a point when you are in the rain when you realize it will be impossible to get any wetter. I reached that point and said, "Fuck it." I turned the iPod up a little louder and began hiking. I made a wrong turn and ended up along a gorgeous river-walk area. I saw actual wild life (some gigantic white herons and a couple badger-like creatures) as I jammed to my tunes. (I just used a couple phrases that will baffle any of my friends reading this that have spent time in Korea: wild-life and gorgeous river-walk.) Wherever I had ended up, it was a beautiful little corner of Seoul and I felt lucky to have found it. The air smelled thick of the pine trees I was surrounded by and it smelled fresh - two smells you don't smell often in Seoul.

I was soaking wet, couldn't figure out the taxi system, lost, hungover, and incredibly content with life. I consider that a victorious evening.

I finally made to Costco. I got some strange looks - I am sure I looked like a vagrant who had come from under the bridge to Costco just trying to get out of the rain. Even though I have been here for a year, I am still having surreal Asian experiences and I need to enjoy each and every minute of them. As sick of Asia as I have been lately, I know I will miss certain aspects of the place once I return Stateside and I have realized that now is the time to keep on keeping on.

Much love from Seoul

Seoul Survivor

2007-09-11T23:03:00.000+09:00

It's been awhile since I've written anything. I was hoping I would have something more positive to say than my last posting, but my mood hasn't improved all that much.

I hit my one-year mark this past weekend. I didn't do much to celebrate. To be honest, I am now quite regretting my decision to stay. I really want to leave Korea, but it sure looks like I am going to be stuck here for another half year.

I'm not sure if I am just experiencing these feelings because I know that I could have gone home last weekend and they will go away once I get back into the swing of things, or if they are going to be a permanent problem.

One of the big things I have noticed is a clash of emotions I feel. Being here for a year, I now feel like a resident. Seoul and Korea are my home. I am used to them and feel like this is where I live. At the same time, I feel more and more alienated from the population. I am viewed as an outsider and a foriegner once I walk out the door of my apartment, but in my own head I see myself as one of them. I consider myself a part of this country, but am realizing that I am not seen that way by the populace. This is a frustrating fact to realize.

The mystery bumps that took over my body a couple weeks ago have mostly gone, but I have been experiencing other problems that have made my life difficult. I am powerless to help myself when it comes to most things in Korea. Again, at first I found delight in the challenge of succeding in a foreign land, but now it just frustrates me and makes me yearn for home.

Also, since most contracts in Korea last for a year, virtually everyone I was friends with when I came to Korea have left. A good Scottish friend had her big goodbye night out this last weekend and headed back to her home. It sucks that every time I make a good friend over here they disappear.

My world in Korea is constantly evolving and changing. I guess I need to be optimistic and realize that in the natural ebb and flow of my life over here, this valley I am stuck in will eventually turn into a hill and I will be back on top of the world again. I just hope I find myself there soon.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer...

Much love from Seoul

The Good Times are Killing Me

2007-08-28T22:09:00.000+09:00

I don't like to complain, but I've had some pretty shitty days lately and for some reason I always feel better when I lodge a complaint and send it into this abyss we call the internet. If you aren't in the mood to hear somebody bitch, this may be the wrong place for you.

For those of you that know me well, you know how important cooking is to me. There are very few things in life that give me as much pleasure as gathering some friends and cooking a big meal for everybody to enjoy together. I attempted to do just that on Sunday night.

There was a big English football match. Two of my good friends over here cheer on the Tottenham Hotspurs and they were matched up against perrenial powerhouse Manchester United. Even though I may not be the biggest "football" fan (we call it soccer,) I was excited to be a part of that sporting atmosphere. Some of the all-time favorite days of my life have been days involving big sporting matchups. They provide a time to get together with friends, have some drinks and join together in pursuit of a common goal - blacking out after the game ends. Regardless of how much I cared about the outcome of the game, I was excited for the event.

We all assembled downstairs and went shopping for chickens together. It had been a while since we last cooked beer-can chickens so we decided to do a round of them. I got the grill going and suddenly, two irate older Koreans showed up. They were talking down to me like I was a second -class citizen. The went on a tirade and one of the only words I understood was "police." Within minutes the police were there, telling me that I couldn't grill because the neighbors were complaining it smelled.

Allow me to bitch. My cooking smells delicious. We hadn't even gotten any food on the grill - there was only the smell of charcoal - and it smelled better than any alley I've been in in Korea. To get a better idea of what Korea smells like, follow these simple instructions:

1. Get a blender
2. Inside the blender, place a diaper full of shit, a cat that has been dead long enough to begin rotting and bigfoot's dick
3. Either blend or puree, depending on the desired consistency

This should give you a pretty good, tangible idea of how Korea smells. Considering that this is the smell I have been living with for more than the last 11 months, you might understant that I was absolutely flabbergasted to have an old man tell me that I was ruining the delightful aroma of his beloved neighborhood.

One of the worst parts of this whole exchange was the fact that the man and woman were ranting and raving to the police and, as expected, they were using Korean. I was given no chance to defend myself or my actions. I knew that the language barrier would make it impossible to get my point across well enough to persuade the police to allow the barbecue to continue. It was a situation where other people were ruining my evening and there was nothing I could do about it.

After a horrible evening on Sunday, I was almost looking forward to waking up on Monday morning for school. My intensive classes are all over which means I have to be at school a whole lot less and get to go in a whole lot later. Things were looking up - until I woke up.

I awoke to find my hands and feet covered in little zit-like bumps, boils and rashes. They were itchy like chicken pox, red and gross. The pharmacy offered little help, so I thought I could just wait it out and they would go away. I awoke this morning with twice as many bumps and they have now moved to my back, knees, theighs and stomach - as well as multiplying in the aforementioned places.

I was way skeptical of seeing a Korean doctor, but at the urging of my boss, I decided it may be time to do so. The doctor had trouble communicating with me. I told him I thought the outbreak had been caused by a batch of bad tuna. I asked him for Benadryl and he told me that he would prescribe me the next best thing.

When I got to the pharmacy, the pharmacist told me that the doctor had given me the wrong thing. "This will not help," she said. "You need more than this for your problems. This won't do at all." So I've got a pharmacist who speaks my language and has access to pills she can't give me, and a doctor who doesn't speak my languge who has access to pills he won't give me.

Korea has really been beating the shit out me for the last few days. I would fight back, but my hands are too swollen with little mystery bumps to make a fist.So now, here I sit in Asia, barbecueless and itchy, hoping that things get better. And it sure seems to me like they will, because I can't imagine things getting much worse...

Much love from Seoul

All Dogs Go to Heaven

2007-08-18T12:17:00.000+09:00

In my stories class that I have been teaching this month, I have been reading three different books with a crew of second graders. The first was a mystery, the second was non-fiction about famous pairs throughout history and the third, which we are reading right now, is a book about a boy who transforms into a dog while playing a video game.

There are some words and concepts in the book that are kind of hard to explain but I have been doing my best. One of the biggest problems we have encountered as a group is, although the book is aimed at early readers, it assumes that the reader is proficient in understanding American culture. I have had to explain a few things that we take for granted as normal, everyday facts of life. But one boy threw a cultural confusion back in my face and actually made me laugh out loud - and none of the other kids laughed because they thought his idea was legitimate. Kinda awkward.

So, the main character in our book is at a video arcade until he morphs into a dog. He is kicked out of the arcade and takes refuge at the local park until he is caught by the dogcatcher. The dogcatcher takes him to the pound (it took a while to explain what that was) and throws him in a cage with a few other dogs. The boy/dog is scared and confused and asks one of the other dogs, "Will they let me go?" To which the other dog replies, "Sure they'll let you go...to the great dog house in the sky."

So I ask if they know what this means. I get lots of guesses but no one is even close. Then a girl guesses that it is a happy place and a big place where dogs can run free. I agree with her but then start to explain the concept of heaven a little bit. A few faces light up with understanding and then instantly turn to horror when they realize that our main character will have to die if he goes there. This sparks a ton of questions and concerns for our main character. A few girls in the back of the room were close to crying.

As I'm trying to calm everyone down and explain that he will probably find a way out, one boy throws his hand up. I call on him and he asks, "After they kill dogs at the pound do they eat them?" I was stunned. I honestly laughed hard for a few seconds until I could catch myself. No one else was laughing. I composed myself and explained that there aren't very many people in America that would eat dog - especially a dog at the pound.

I could tell my answer had done nothing to satisfy his curiousity, but I wasn't about to explain further. I had no idea how to explain to a young child how repulsive some people in the world find his culture's habit of eating dogs. It was just one of those incidents that caught me so off guard that I hardly knew what to do.

This class, along with my other extra classes, ends this upcoming Thursday. Four more days of a grueling schedule and then I return to my charmed Asian existence...

Much love from Seoul

Fuji Rock Fest Pics (pt. II)

2007-08-15T01:26:00.000+09:00

I've allowed the memories to reverberate through my head. I've let the musical performances marinate in my brain and I have gained some perspective on them. And I've waited much too long to create this post. Here goes...

Tunes

The music was fantastic. Hopefully most of you have seen the Shins video I posted on youtube. If not check it out (there's a link a few posts down.) I got to see an equally sweet and intimate show with Grace Potter and her band, the Nocturnals.

I have been digging on Grace's music as of late and I was really excited to see her live. Unfortunately, the jackasses that lined up the schedule had her playing her one set of music at the same exact time as Feist. We all wanted to see Feist, so it looked like I wouldn't get a chance to see one of my favorite bands at the festival. Then we found out about these acoustic sets that were taking place at these little booths all over the grounds. The Grace Potter one started a little after midnight (right after a killer Beastie Boys set.) There was hardly anyone there when we get there 10 minutes before they started. I sat down right in the front row next to the bass player's girlfriend.

They were pretty drunk, but not too drunk to play. They were rocking acoustic instruments. At one point the drummer was playing a drum solo on those metal columns you can see behind him. Obviously, there were many reasons to go to this festival, but the most important in my mind was the music. I miss live music over here so much it hurts. A show like this Grace Potter show allowed me to be living and breathing live music. I could hear the voices coming out of thier mouths over voices coming out of the speakers. She has an incredibly soulfoul voice and they blew me away. I could hear the wrong notes and the on-stage banter as they rocked my soul. These small shows were one of the really cool and unique parts of my weekend. It is not very often you can be up close and personal with your favorite bands.

Clap Your Hands Say Yeah played an equally good but totally different kind of set. They were on a stage called the Red Marquee in the last time slot of the weekend on that stage. It was the only indoor venue at the festival. We tried to get there early, but it was already packed when we arrived almost fifteen minutes before they started. We pushed our way to the front and I thought we were pretty close. Then the lights went down and there was a huge surge forward. The mob behind us pushed us forward another 10 feet.

Thankfully, CYHSY relied heavily on their first album, playing almost every song I wanted to hear. The crowd was way responsive to them. I was amazed with how many Japanese people there were around me that spoke little to no English, that knew every word to every song. It was cool. It also happened a lot at the Shins show. All the people around me were singing along with every song. I guess it shows the Japanese have good taste in music.

CYHSY had the crowd going for over an hour, but then it was time to end the show. They played one more, said the obligatory "Arigato" and headed towards the tour bus. The crowd was screaming for more. Then they turned on the houselights, the international symbol for "show's over." The crowd only got louder. Next, some Japanese stagehands came out and started unplugging the keyboards. The crowd got louder still. Finally they gave in and came back out. They looked just as surprised as I was at the love the Asian crowd was showing them.

There was some muttering on stage and then I heard, "this is not our song." A few chords later, it was quite apparent that they were playing "Helpless" by Neil Young. It was a magical moment for me. I had goosebumps and closed my eyes. I was in the Japanese hillside, I was seeing some incredible music and life is a pretty good thing.

Other music highlights:

Deerhoof was the big surprise of the weekend for me. I have listened to a little of their music, but their live show was amazing. They were all three incredible musicians. Their songs were incredibly layered for a band with only three members. Their music is as fun as it is mindblowing. I was smiling most of the time they were on stage.

Feist did a killer set as well. She played a huge portion of her new album and a smattering of some old numbers. Her band was good and she was electric. She has a strong and confident stage presence while maintaining her demureness. There was a small but very appreciative crowd in attendance at her show and you could tell she was enjoying herself. I could have watched her for another hour, but she only had a fifty-minute time slot.

Peter Bjorn and John, Lily Allen, The Beastie Boys, !!!, Marva Whitney, Elena James and the Hot Club of Cowtown (from KC,) and a few cool Japanese bands rounded out the weekend. I went for the music and left a happy customer.

People and Scenery

The people were incredibly Japanese - polite, helpful and good-spirited. Everyone I encountered seemed chill. A few favorites:

This guy was one of my favorites of the weekend. He had a basketful of raw coffee beans to his left. He was roasting them in this machine and then letting them cool next on his right. There were a few hippie Japanese chicks behind a counter that kept coming out to grab beans to grind and brew into the some of the most delicious organic coffee I have ever tasted. We spent some time chilling in the tent that housed the coffee house. I had three cups of coffee on Sunday morning because it was so good.

At the back of a stage called the Field of Heaven, the festival employed the professional lighting help from a few lads just like this guy. They stood at the back with huge reflectors on their chest and they danced/swayed/tried not to fall over to the music. They all had different colored lights aimed at their torsos. The lights danced all over big clothes overhead. It provided a spectacular light show and made for some good eye candy.

One of the coolest things I encountered was the disco-ball forest. During the day, it looked cool, but it night it became delightful.

Bright spotlights pointed at the balls created hundreds of light rays streaming throughout the woods. It was a sight to behold. I found it hard to capture the essence of a forest lit up like a discotheque on camera, but I tried my damndest.

I had high hopes for my trip to Japan. And to be honest, the trip couldn't have gone much better. There were a few minor problems and inconveniences, but I found it to be a perfect introduction to Japan and its people. The concert was perfect and my time in Tokyo made me want to move there.

I signed a new contract yesterday that has me staying in Korea until the end of February - then it looks like I'm back to the States. Even though it's another six months, I feel in some ways like I've hit the home stretch. Until then, just know that I'm sending...

Much love from Seoul

homeless

2007-08-13T12:21:00.000+09:00

I still plan on doing a big Fui Rock Fest recap on here, but with the extra summer intensive courses I have been teaching, I spend a lot less time at home in front of a computer and frankly have a lot less energy once I do get there. Plus I've been drinking a lot lately.

Which brings me to a story I would like to share with you. I found myself in an interesting situation last Sunday night through Monday night. I went for bloody mary's last Sunday and got quite inebriated. I found myself in a cab with a few people and a few beers around 1:30 in the morning. I pulled my keys out of my pocket to use the bottle opener that clings to my key ring. We got to a girl's apartment and kept drinking and had some delicious pesto bagel concoction that was a beautiful early morning breakfast. Once the time came, I left the apartment and headed to the street to hail a cab home.

Once I got home, I stumbled up the four flights of stairs and got to my door. Swaying back and forth, I discovered that my keys were not in my pocket. This would be a problem for anyone in any country, but for me, in Korea, at 3am early on a Monday morning I was in a pretty desperate situation. I have no cell phone. No one that I know has a copy of my key. I was sweaty, drunk, alone and homeless in Asia.

I started knocking on doors of my co-workers and found one who, thankfully for me, had just come down with a bad case of tonsilitis. He was awake, unable to sleep and coughing. I pieced a few different pieces of furniture together to form an L-shaped "bed" and passed out for a five-hour nap before I had to go to work.

Since I couldn't get into my apartment, I figured I would go to work in the same clothes that I had been wearing the night before and then come home at lunch for a shower and a change of clothes. I splashed a little cold water on my face in my co-workers apartment, said thanks for the place to sleep and headed to Starbuck's. I bought a cup of coffee and got on the subway. I felt hungover, sweaty and gross. I was surrounded by Asian businessmen and businesswomen. They were wearing custom-tailored suits and fashionable dresses as they read today's newspaper and prepared for the workweek. Now, I feel out of place quite often in Korea, but this was a time where I felt like a vagrant homeless man that was ruining the professional ambiance of the morning subway commute. As I wallowed in my sorrows as a feral ex-pat in Korea, one of the nicely dressed businessmen stepped in front of me to queue up to get off the train. As nice as his black suit was it could not hide the gigantic stain of bird shit that had been dropped on his shoulder. I couldn't help but get a wide grin across my face. Never have a been happier about somebody else getting shit on. I usually don't enjoy other people's pain, but this was different. That bird shit really cheered me up. As stinky as I may have been, at least there was no feces on my clothes - I knew I had that going for me and I was looking for something positive to hold on to.

Once I got to work I asked my boss to call my landlord and see if he could unlock my door for me. As it turned out, he was out of town and on his way home. He said he would unlock my door, but he wouldn't be back in Seoul until around 7:00 pm. I had to work all day in the clothes I had worn to a luncheon with work on Sunday, at the bar that same night and while I slept in a warm, muggy apartment. I smelled like bar. Sweaty, smoky bar.

Needless to say, the shower I took once I got home that night was one of the best I have ever had in my life. After a long shower, I fell into bed thankful that I was finally home. It is still a strange concept to me that this apartment is my "home," but an experience like this really makes me appreciate this little corner of the world that I call my own.

I have learned my lesson. I have decided that it makes sense to copy my key and have somebody hold onto it for me in case of emergency. Also, I am never going to drink ever again.

Much love from Seoul

Live Acoustic Shins

2007-08-01T12:33:00.000+09:00

The Shins did a killer two-song acoustic set on a small side stage early in the afternoon on Sunday. The opened with "Australia" and then did this sweet version of "Turn on Me." They were playing to a crowd of about sixty to a hundred people, so the performance had a nice intimate feel to it and we were fortunate enough to be in the front row.

I can't really figure out how to get the video to embed, so just follow this link. Watch until the end to see me going crazy with excitement:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGx7FKAdpa4

Fuji Rock Fest Pics (pt. I)

2007-08-01T01:25:00.000+09:00

It's been a long weekend and I got home not all that long ago. I was drinking a cup of espresso in Tokyo this morning and I am now home in Seoul this evening. I plan on posting lots of pics and sharing stories from the weekend tomorrow, but I thought I might share a few pics now before I hit the hay...

I had a stellar weekend. We met the Shins and got a picture with them. I ate Kobe beef at a Japanese steak house. I spent the weekend in the mountains of Japan and it was as close to a perfect weekend as one can have. I have lots more to share, so stay tuned...

Much love from Seoul (and Tokyo)

Heading to the Far(er) East

2007-07-26T12:33:00.000+09:00

I leave for Japan in a little over 20 hours. I can't wait to experience Tokyo and shake my booty for a few days on Mt. Fuji.

I've had visitors for the last few days and it has been going nicely, but I've had to work a ton and I'm excited to head to Japan and do some maxin' and relaxin' with them. I'm charging the digital camera right now and can't wait to post some photos of my weekend.

Check back next week...

Much Love from Seoul

A (not so) Relaxing Summer Vacation

2007-07-23T22:12:00.000+09:00

Today was the first day of our summer intensive course. For the next 20 school days I will be teaching a lot more classes. Today I was at work from 9am to 9pm - even with a few breaks in there, it was still a long day in the classroom. Two thoughts from today:

1. In class with my older kids tonight, I was shocked to hear them all mutually agree that they hate summer vacation. They get four weeks off school, but their regular teachers give them a ton of homework to do while their off and their parents sign them up for extra classes in English, piano, violin, math, science and tae kwon do academies. It baffles my mind to hear young kids talk about how much they loathe summer vacation. I'm glad I didn't grow up in Korea.

2. One of my new classes is a group of 2nd and 3rd graders who have never been in an English class before. Today, I had forty minutes to teach them: "Hello, I am ____________." and "What is your name?" It took us all of class to get it down, but we did figure it out in the end. I have never taught kids at such a low level. It makes it even weirder that they are smart, older kids. You don't run into very many kids in America (hopefully) that are normal, intelligent, well-adjusted 3rd graders that can't speak a lick of English. I have my work cut out for me, but they seem like good kids.

Kids at our school use English names (instead of their Korean ones) while they are in class. I have yet to be able to name any kids...until today. I threw some names up on the board and let them choose. I now have a class with a Kellie, a Katie, a Nicole and a Ted. Should be a fun class.

I have discussed other theories of giving classes names. Today I went with putting friends names on the board, but here are some of my other favorites: naming all of the kids after Cosby kids; naming all the kids after rockstars (Axl, Mick, Ringo, etc.;) naming them all after food (Lasagna, Rutabega, Gorgonzola;) naming them all after dictators (Adolph, Fidel, Karl (okay, he's not really a dictator but it's a cool, fun-loving, 100% commie name);) and naming them all after Simpson characters. As you can tell, I have a lot of extra time at work to theorize.

I've got visitors coming tomorrow evening. I am looking forward to seeing some familiar faces in Korea.

Much love from Seoul

Casual Dining

2007-07-21T00:10:00.000+09:00

I went out last night on a Thursday and accidentally got wasted. Hey - it happens. I ended up having kind of a rough day at work. I got home from work at ten till eight, just in time to watch a friendly "football" match between Manchester United and Seoul FC on my TV. The Koreans were, as predicted, made to look like fools on the pitch as I viewed the game intently and comfortably from my bed. That was the first phase of my night and as enjoyable as it was, I was much more excited for the second phase of my night.

I decided that I had been hungover too long and after many years of drinking, I know the best way to make a hangover disappear: I cracked open a bottle of wine and began cooking. Earlier in the day I bought some ground pork, ground beef, parmesan cheese, garlic and some other important and secret ingredients to make meatballs. I had some red sauce I bought at Costco last weekend and some spaghetti straight from Italy I bought at the western market to go with the balls. I also picked up a small package of baby greens to make a side salad to go with my dinner.

When the cooking was finished and everything was ready, I placed the meal on a small floor table I have and I sat on my floor in my boxers. Drinking wine and "oohing" and "aahing" the incredible dinner I had prepared I felt an immense amount of contentment.

I try hard to share funny anecdotes and witty insights into this weird culture on this blog, but sometimes, I just gotta be me. Thought you might enjoy a story about my real life here. I sincerely apoligize for any trauma I may have caused with the mental image of me eating dinner in my boxers.

Next week at this time I will be in Japan and I am crazy excited for that journey. Stay tuned for some good pics and stories...

Much love from Seoul

Annoyed

2007-07-14T17:21:00.000+09:00

It's been a while since I have written. Not a whole lot has been going on in Korea. I haven't had a proper break since mid-February and things are getting a little monotonous in my day-to-day Korean adventures. I am eagerly anticipating a nice, relaxing five-day break in two weeks and the trip to Japan that will occur during that break. I really need some time to recharge the ol' batteries - and Mt. Fuji with a bevy of good bands should do the trick.

Now that I've been here for over ten months, some of the small cultural things have really started to piss me off. Since I don't have any exciting anecdotes to share, I thought I would make a list of things Asians do that pisses me off. Get comfortable, this could take awhile:

1. Asians Can't Walk or Drive

The driving thing is a horrible stereotype that is painfully true. I have had many inebriated rides home from the bars where I genuinely felt that I would be safer if I was driving. Clearly, there are no driver's ed. classes over here. Drivers are erratic and out of control. The roads have an "every-man-for-himself" feel to them. Cars and motorcycles zigzag all over the road. Accidents are commonplace, however I have never seen a car pulled over by a police officer for a traffic violation.

So I guess I shouldn't be surprised that the sidewalks are very similar to the roads. People do not walk in a straight line - nor do they respect other people's paths. The Asians are erratic and out-of-control walkers. It baffles the mind to watch two grown women walking towards each other run into each other. You would think that after fifty or more years on this planet they would have learned how to walk down a sidewalk without colliding with others. To make matters worse, oftentimes motorcyclists take to the sidewalk to go around the congested city streets.

2. People Stare at Me

I understand a young child being curious when he/she sees a foreigner, but adults will directly stare at me. At first I found it kind of funny, but now it's just annoying. My least favorite brand of stare: when I am going up or down an escalator and a Korean is going up or down the other way and they stare at me until we meet and then they rubberneck me as I continue down or up. Sometimes I will intently stare back. Sometimes I will try to ignore their stares. Sometimes I smile. But I am pretty sick of all the stares.

3. Littering

My co-workers and I have a running joke going about the trash situation in this country. At first when you arrive, you think there are no trash cans. This is true. You almost never encounter a trash bin to place your trash in. For this reason, people put their trash pretty much wherever they want. There are little trash piles in every alley and quite often, they reek. Imagine vegetables and meat carcasses rotting in the hot sun for a few days, multiply that smell by a thousand and you have an idea what my neighborhood smells like.

So our joke goes something like this. We are walking down the street and we have an empty water bottle, Starbuck's cup or beer bottle in our hands. We say, "I don't see a trash can. Where can I put this," then we say, "Oh, there's one!" and drop our trash right there. I realize I am only adding to the problem, but I think it's funny.

The weirdest part of this scenario is how the trash always seems to disappear. Trash never sits for more than a few days - no matter how out of the way it is placed.

The one place people put trash where it does not disappear is in the hallways of my apartment building. People will have trash that smell like rotting fish carcasses (probably because they are full of rotting fish carcasses) and decide to put it in the hallway so their apartment doesn't smell. This leads to some atrocious smells in the halls of my building. Sometimes the smell can be unbearable.

4. Speaking Korean

I don't understand Korean and that's all these fuckers speak. With all the damn English schools in this country you would think somebody would be able to communicate with me.

5. Men Wearing Pink

Being comfortable enough with your sexuality to wear pink is a good thing. But 9 out of 10 guys wear pink everyday in this country. Clearly, this is a minor complaint, but while I'm complaining I thought I'd go ahead and put it out there.

6. Adorning every neighborhood with the same stores and apartment buildings

Every time I stop at a new subway stop I am excited by the possibility of encountering new stores or products when I reach street-level. Alas, I live in Korea so that never happens. I think there may even be a law to regulate the placement of certain establishments. Literally, every street in Korea has: a McDonald's, 2 Starbucks, 2 Baskin Robbins, 2 Dunkin' Donuts, a KFC, an Outback, a Pizza Hut, a Domino's, 37 noraebongs (karaoke,) one liquor store that sells nothing you want, 6 Korean restaurants that serve the exact same menu, 6 Korean barbecues that serve similar fare, a police station, 5 English academies and a handful of convenience stores that all sell the same items. If variety is the spice of life, this country needs to get a spice rack.

The skyline in Seoul is littered with apartment buildings that all look the same. They are all the same dull brown color. The only difference between them is the number on the side. They all have a triple digit number on the side so you can tell them apart from all of the other apartments that look exactly the same.

7. Owning Dogs

If your dog could see the dogs over here, he/she would be embarrassed for the whole species. It is rare you see a dog larger than a handbag - and many dogs travel in girls' handbags. Dogs over here wear outfits, boots, hats and special collars. Lots of dogs also get their hair done. When I come across a white dog that has been dyed pink or neon green I just shake my head. People treat their dogs like mere possessions and take them out like an accessory. I feel like most of these dogs, if given the choice, would rather be turned into dog soup than live this existence.

(little sidenote: I bought a Spin magazine today and they had the funniest thing featured. Go to www.feeladdicted.com and then click on the "products" category. They are featuring a blow-up doll for dogs. Check it.)

8. Drinking Shitty Beer

It's all they do over here. And when I say shitty - I mean shitty. I would die for some Bud Light or a PBR (even had a dream about drinking PBR last night - that's how desperate I am.) They sell the same few beers at every convenience store. You can find Budweiser sometimes, but that's a premium beer and you gotta pay premium prices if you want to drink the American dream in Korea. We have stumbled across a few decent breweries, but they are far away and pretty pricey.

9. Wearing Mullets

Korean men and boys love to rock the mullet. I am not as much annoyed by the fact that they have mullets, but I am upset that I cannot pull it off. I would love to walk the streets of Seoul in a mullet, but I think I may look like something that just left the trailer park and wound up in Asia.

10. Having Zits

Koreans of all ages are covered in zits. Buy some Oxy-Pads and finish puberty people.

Okay, after the last one I realize I am just starting to get mean. It felt pretty good to bitch for a little while though. Thanks for listening.

I know this may make it seem like I am really negative right now, but I am definitely not. I am comfortable in this country, generally happy and simply coming to terms with some of the annoying things the Koreans do around me. Just keeping it real y'all...

Much Love from Seoul

Amigos del Republico de Korea

2007-06-30T13:02:00.000+09:00

My homeboy Dee left on Thursday morning. I would say that Dee has been my best friend over here and it sucks that he bounced back to Bushtopia. His departure helped me realize that I have been here a long fucking time. The relationships I have formed with the people around me in this country are only possible with time, emotional bonding and booze.

I share a bond with the other foreign teachers at my school just by the sheer virtue that we are all foreign together. We all have cards in our wallets labeling us "aliens" and we often feel like that is a correct label as we navigate through the streets of Seoul - sometimes this country feels like a whole different planet. Working together during the week, we share experiences inside the walls of the school as well as outside. We share many of the same frustrations, delights, laughs, taste in movies and music, and culture-shocks. We are often referred to at school as the "foreign teachers." It sounds silly to me now, but when I first arrived I thought that when people spoke of the foreign teachers they were talking about the Korean teachers. In my mind they were the foreigners and I was normal - boy was I wrong. It has become so ingrained in my head that I am foreign that I had some trouble one night at an ATM. You had to choose between "domestic" or "foreign" ATM cards on the main menu. I kept hitting "foreign" even though I was using the bank card from my "domestic" Korean bank account. I have some trouble viewing myself in any way as an unforeigner.

We all had an awkward incident last night as we left work on a Friday evening. Just by happenstance, about five of us foreigners walked out of the school at the same time as a crew of about ten Korean teachers and our afternoon boss. We all walked down the street together having discussions and mingling with co-workers - foreigners and Koreans walking and talking as one. It was quite delightful walking down a street I walk daily alone with a big group of friends and co-workers. Then, as we neared the subway station, all of the Koreans abruptly said goodbye, waved and walked in a restaurant together. They had no problem walking down the street with us (or maybe they did and they just hid their disguist of us dirty, smelly foreigners, reeking of freedom) but there was no way we would be invited in to dine with them or even made aware of their dinner plans. Awkward. Really made me feel like we were the outcasts - the unpopular kids in middle school, the jewish family at KCCC, the black guys trying out for the hockey team, the white guys trying out for the basketball team, the only sober guys at a crackhouse, a couple straight guys at a lesbian bar, the fat guys at an anorexia convention, the al-Qaeda members at an NRA rally in Kentucky - you get the picture.

Times like this are when I rely on my foreign group of friends. I didn't even want to go to dinner with the Koreans - we had plans to take the new teacher to barbecue in our neighborhood - but I just feel like these socially awkward situations happen often, are pretty fucked up and it's good to have people to whine to. And the fact that I have them to go out to dinner with when the Koreans ditch us is kinda nice too.

Outside of my group of friends at school, I have been here long enough to meet some other people around town. I've met up with some of Brick's old buddies, ran into an old Camp friend I've hung out with a few times and even made some friends of my own. After ten months in this land I'm starting to feel somewhat established as a resident of Seoul. It has happened more than once that I will be out at a bar and run into people I have met on other nights - I find it weird that I run into familiar faces in Seoul, Korea.

Tonight, I'm meeting up with a friend of a friend of a Kansas friend. We're going out to celebrate Canada Day Eve and see a couple bands that I dig over here. It'll be nice to meet some new people that speak my language and make my non-Korean, Korean circle of friends a little wider.

Much Love from Seoul

me

2007-06-25T23:00:00.000+09:00

For an assignment last week, one of my middle school classes had to interview someone about their job and then write a report about it. Since I was the only one in the room with a job (lazy kids) I was the person they interviewed. I thought I might share some of what they came up with to write about after our group interview session. I thought this might give you some insight into my life and work in Korea. For the sake of journalistic integrity, I felt I should divulge the fact that I have combined their reports into one - but each sentence is still intact and in its original wording, spelling and capitalization:

kyle teacher is my ECC English teacher. kyle teache is twenty six years old. He is a teacher and he loves his job.

He teaches many classes. He likes a lot of kindergarden. He corrects homework and makes tests to them. Also he teaches us very kindly and funn. He also punishes bad students and meets parents. Also he founds the information and knows many things.

He needs to be patient. He thinks he is very happy and has no stress. He try to relax. His one of the bigges disadvantages of his job is that he is friends and family are far away from him. The main advantage of his job is he like to meet many children and give fun them and he is kind and smart very much.

I think he has a stressful job but he isn't he said I like my job. He likes kids, English and Korea.

Before you jump to any conclusions about my teaching abilities, I want you to understand that these kids have really improved their English skills in the past months. They have just begun tackling larger writings and I am pleased with their progress. English is their second language and they are all doing well with it. Plus, who do you think you are judging children like that? They're trying their best, so why don't you just lay off, asshole.

Life is good in Korea.

Much love from Seoul...

Fan Death

2007-06-22T00:29:00.001+09:00

Let's get silly. I am about to teach you about something that may save your life. Or, it is just an ignorant Korean urban legend that affects virtually all Korean citizens. I have had discussions about this topic with well-educated co-workers who believe every word of it to be true.

The theory of fan death goes something like this: if a person is inside a sealed room - doors and windows closed - and they are utilizing a fan, within time they will die. Although there is little explanation beyond this basic theory, it is a widely-held belief. There are many death certificates with this in Korea cited as the official cause of death. Ask a Korean person how this is possible and they will have trouble explaining it, but that does not mean they will not believe it.

Now I'm no doctor (although as most of you know, I did major in nutrition in college) but I have a hard time believing this theory. There are theories that the carbon dioxide levels will rise due to the fan, there are theories that air blowing by your face will change the way you breath and there are theories that the fan will come to life and brutally attack you with whatever knife or chainsaw is available. I'm still not sure how possible any of these scenarios are, but I know that people around me in this country have warned me often about allowing a fan to run in my room. There is a genuine sense of concern when you tell people that you are opening yourself to the possibility of fan death.

I have racked my brain to find an equivalent belief in my homeland, but I have had trouble pin-pointing one. I think horoscopes and the belief that marijuana is worse than alcohol are approaching the same level of societal ignorance, but neither are as widespread or dumb.

For now, I'm not going to worry about it and I'm going to keep staying cool in my apartment during these warm summer months, but if I wind up dead and my fan was on, you all will know how it happened. Probably a heroin overdose...

Much love from Seoul

Movin' On Up

2007-06-13T23:59:00.000+09:00

(I will write this blogging soon, but real quick I want to give an update from two blogs ago - the one about the alphabet. I just read the word "hangul" on the opening blogger page (that means "Korean.") I clicked on the box and found an option for English! I have been surrounded by nothing but Korean characters for the last seven months on blogger and I finally figured out how to put the site in my native tongue! I am so literate!)

I moved last Wednesday. I didn't move far, but the move has created a few problems. First off, I have had no internet until yesterday afternoon. Living on this side of the world, I rely on the internet to stay in contact with friends, family and information. Without it, I have felt a bit lost. It was great to get it up and running yesterday.

The apartment I moved to is just across the hall from my last apartment, but it is a much better living space. Before me, a married couple lived here, so it is obviously much bigger than the solo spot I had been inhabiting. The view is another reason I moved. In my last place, I could look out across an alley and see a rooftop or look down and see a trash pile. Neither were that appealing. Now, I have a view of the 63 Building, the tallest building in Korea and, because I live on the corner of the top floor, I can see it out of two windows instead of the standard one window each apartment in this building has. I can see for miles and feel like I am a little closer to the heart and the soul of the city. Now for the big kicker: I have a queen-sized bed. I am not what people refer to as a small man. I fit real well in a twin-sized bed up until about the age of eight. Sleeping in such a small bed for the last nine months has been a real pain in the ass.

The new place still has a lot of work. Some major shopping is in order this weekend to get this place equipped to deal with the hardcore bachelor life I hope to be living in it, but for now, it is a pleasant change. I am slowly turning it into my new home. I plan to stay in it until I move out of Korea next spring, so it seems well worth a little effort to make it my own.

It was ironic that I was moving last week, because for the last five years I have moved at generally the same time. Only instead of across the hall, I have moved across the country up to Wisconsin. There's a little plot of land up there that I love, and I have been experiencing some withdrawl lately knowing that good friends are congregating there. I know I shall return, but as I walk through the smog-filled, shit-smelling, hustling and bustling foreign streets of Seoul, I sometimes I wish I could be whisked away to the Lake in Wisconsin where life is pretty close to perfect.

For now, this is my home though. I had a weird moment the other day that helped me realize just how much it is my home. I was talking with friends about the whole situation with Mr. Kim Jong-Il and the North. As we were discussing I made the statement that ,"If they attacked us they would only be hurting themselves. They would have nothing to gain from attacking us." I paused for a moment and realized that I was including myself with the South Koreans. I was referring to the whole country and me as "us." There was no real thought process about doing it until it was done, and then it kind of freaked me out. But I guess there's no way around it: I'm a South Korean. My nine-month, halfway point came and went last weekend and I celebrated like any real Korean would. I drank a shitload of soju and made an ass out of myself.

Making both of my countries proud...

Much Love from Seoul

Everybody's Working for the Weekend

2007-06-04T00:18:00.000+09:00

This is one of those bloggins that will help answer the question, "Does your family know about your blog?" I think this will give a clear, emphatic, "No!"

I had one of the best weekends of my life. Not just one of the best weekends in Korea, but one of the best of my life.

Friday brought one of the best orgasms of my life with my new Irish ladyfriend. Huge portions of the night were porno-quality. I feel that it is not necessary that I go any further, but let me just say it was an incredibly pleasurable experience. Hope to do it again. I wasn't feeling my best when I walked out of work, but the end of the night made me realize why I was put on this Earth.

Saturday morning brought another delicious orgasm (this admission is why I say my parents are not aware of this - and if they are, they just stopped reading. If they did not stop reading they are repulsed beyond belief. I mean, there's a decent chance they can read over one orgasm, but two?) I spent an hour on the subway heading home, reading the paper and glowing in manner I have not in Korea. I got home and prepared myself for a dinner the boss lined up at one of the best Italian restaurants in Seoul.

I realize that I live in Asia, so a great Italian meal may not seem attainable, but I also live in one of the biggest cities in the world. Although there is not an immense amount of diversity here, there are surprises in certain corners. The restaurant we dined at was one of those surprises.

We had a five course meal chosen by my boss. Everything was accompanied by different delicious red wines. Start to finish it was one of the best meals I have ever had in my life - scallops, mushroom soup, seafood pasta, steak and cake. The main course of beef tenderloin steak was delicious. I come from the land of cows, so I have had difficulty finding acceptable beef in this country, but this dinner was unreal - artfully presented and pleasing for the taste buds. Good times with good food and good friends. I expected great things out of the dinner and everything put in front of me exceded my expectations.

After dinner, four of us roamed the streets of Apgujong, known as the Beverly Hills of Seoul. I was looking for a brewery that Atwood and I stumbled across a while ago. It took over an hour and a pit stop at a wine bar to find the joint, but the wait was well worth it. I definitely drank the best beer I have had in Korea. We did a sampler that had six beers - everything other than the pilsner was out of this world. I love beer and this place had beer that made me happy.

I played some great tennis today under a sky full of sun and fluufy clouds. Dee and I had the courts to ourselves and God was smiling on us. It was a perfect day to be outside - and tennis was only the beginning. We bought some Salmon Milano at Costco after tennis and grilled up some of the most delicious seafood I have had in Korea (way better than live octopi.) Nothing says summer like delicous grilled meats with friends and drinks.

There was some intense internal conflict going on inside my head a few weeks ago when I wrote about being totally alone in this country. It is still true to a certain degree, but weekends like this one remind me why I chose to be so far away from home and all the people and places I love. I am getting closer to me and learning things about life that cannot be learned anywhere other than Korea, and that is a good thing. I reach my halfway point in a week, which is perfect because I feel like I am about halfway along in my quest...

I miss you all
In Kansas, Wisconsin and elsewhere
Much love from Seoul

Alphabet Soup

2007-05-30T00:27:00.000+09:00

I have recently done something that has way improved my life in Korea. I learned the Korean alphabet.

Korean characters, unlike the ones used in English, make the same sound everytime you see them. Although I am now reading at a first-grade level (or lower,) at least I am reading. I can sound out most words I see. This does not mean I will understand the words I am reading, but I can sound out words and this has revolutionized my life here.

I have learned a lot of the words for foods I like, and even know the words for many foods I have never tried. Now, when I walk into a restaurant I can read a menu and realize what most things are. This means a lot of menus around Korea have gone from two or three items I know how to order to twenty or thirty. This really opens up my options.

I have also realized that many words are very similar to their English counterparts. On my walk to work I read words all the time that are easily translatable for me. Some examples of groups of symbols I have walked by for months that have now become words to me: piano, Americano (in the coffeeshop - most of the words on a coffeshop menu make sense to me when I sound them out,) supermarket, chocolate, and many many others. To be honest, I get a thrill and a sense of accomplishment when I read a word. Until now, I have felt like a small child wandering into the middle of a movie with no idea of what is going on, but now I kinda know what is going on.

Speaking of movies, there are lots of English movies and TV shows on my TV. Generally, the titles are written in Korean in the corner of the screen. I enjoy trying to figure out what movie is on by reading the words before I figure out what movie it is by the images.

I have even encountered some Korean words that I have learned just from living here, and now I read them on signs or storefronts and can figure out what I am looking at. The word "hof" loosely translates to "bar." Not all bars are labeled with the English translation, "hof," but now that I can read it, I know where they are. Same goes for singing rooms. They are called "noraebongs" in this country and I just realized that a few of the buildings in my neighborhood are these kind of establishments.

This has also helped me with my job. I understand my kids better and the problems they have in the classroom. There is only one character in Korean for an L/R sound. Kids are always messing up these two letters and I get it now - I know a little better how to fix their problems.

I feel smarter and more in control of my destiny over here now. I am still functionally retarded when it comes to communicating in Korean, but now I have a little insight into what's going on around me.

This might all sound cheesy, but it is incredibly frustrating to be illiterate. I am still a foriegner, I am still an outsider, but now I have a little more access to things in this country.

Life is looking up (plus I got some this weekend, which always helps.)

Much love from Seoul

Buddha's Birthday

2007-05-20T00:03:00.000+09:00

I get a day off work this week in celebration of Buddha's Birthday. I spent my afternoon in Insadong checking out festivities geared towards this celebration. I watched a parade, some sort of martial arts that was pretty hardcore (they were kicking eachother in the faces,) and ogled the many lanterns hanging around town. I haven't posted many pictures lately, so I thought I'd post some pics of Korea - she was very photogenic today...

The top pic is taken at a temple that I took photos of a while ago and posted. It's the same temple, but it looked much more festive today. These lanterns created a kind of ceiling between the temple grounds entrance and the actual temple. I thought they looked cool.

I like the second pic above a lot. This statue of Buddha is more like the Buddha you would see in a Disney movie and less like the Buddha that is usually represented in Asia. People were putting money in his hand and a woman was putting it in a slot that is just below the bottom of this photo. Someone must have thought Buddha also looked thirsty, hence the water bottle set at his feet.

So, I kept waiting for this girl to get out of the way before I took a picture of this lit Buddha-balloon landscape, but when she struck this contemplative pose, I felt she was the perfect addition to my picture. Her mom kept telling her to get out of the way too, but I think the picture is actually enhanced with her presence.

Above is a picture of the parade. These ladies were pretty in pink. The picture doesn't do them justice, but they were wearing more makeup than a clown at a Mary Kay party. They even painted on side-burns (which kind of weirded me out - I don't really get the signifigance of adding facial har to a feminine face.)

This last pic is actually the first pic I took today. I took the long train ride to Insadong from my place. For parts of the ride you are above ground - and it was hard for me to look at the skyline because the sun was shining so brightly. When I finally got to Insadong, the weather had taken a 180-degree turn - it was pouring. Fortunately for me, it didn't rain long. I started to walk towards Insadong after a stop-off at the bookstore (I bought the Lonely Planet guides to Belgium and Amsterdam) and I encountered one of the most beautiful rainbows I have ever seen. I think it was a solid combo of sunny skies, a lot of moisture in the air post-rain and one of the smoggiest atmospheres in the world that helped create this natural wonder. I took four different pictures and still don't feel like I fully captured the beauty of the rainbow (it was showing every color, like a fucking bag of skittles) but I did my best. If you look close, you can see the rainbow arcing over this pagoda.

If you're in the market for a new background to your desktop, may I suggest you enlarge the first photo and set it as your background. It will do wonders for your Karma...

I feel that if Buddha's birthday was celebrated in the States, I would celebrate a little differently, but for the time being, I'll take the day I had.

Much Love from Seoul, and happy birthday Buddha!

Bubble Boy

2007-05-19T14:35:00.000+09:00

This is one of those thoughts that has bouncing around inside my head for a while and I haven't been totally sure how to express it. My thoughts aren't very well organized in my head, so I'm just gonna start ranting and hope by the end they make sense to me and you...

I don't talk to very many people in Korea. The majority of the people that I come in contact with on the streets and in stores don't speak my language. When I first arrived I would make an attempt to converse with people, but as time has passed, I find it much easier to leave my iPod headphones in my ears and just stay in my own little bubble. I have found that transactions actually run smoother when I take language out of them.

When I'm not on the city streets, I am one of two places: school or home.

At school, I walk in the door and head to the computer room where I check my e-mail or see how my fantasy baseball team is doing. I might have a conversation or two with my fellow foreign teachers, but not much. I find myself forcing conversations with the Korean teachers because I want to get to know them better and I am desparate for conversation, but I find we don't have a lot of common ground. I want to talk about a new band or tell an anecdote that I find hilarious and they want to talk about Korean fashion or "Friends." They're not to into the music I like and oftentimes, my sense of humor gets lost somewhere in translation. And I don't give two shits about Korean fashion or "Friends." The other side of this is that I teach in forty minute increments, with short five-minute breaks in between. Five minutes isn't really enough time to have a long detailed conversation and really express thoughts. It's basically enough time to get your books ready for the next class, tell a few jokes and be on your way.

Where I really get a chance to talk to people that speak my language is within the classroom. The kids are forced to speak English and they are stuck with me for forty minutes. My main conversation partners are children between the ages of 6-13 that speak English as a second language. Now that I write that and realize it, that's pretty fucked up. However, we do get to have a myriad of different, insightful conversations. We talk about pets, weather, colors, furniture, family members, how to tell time, numbers, sports and all sorts of other neat-o things.

In all seriousness, I think this is why I have grown such a fond attachment to some of my students. They are the people in Korea that I talk to the most. Even if we don't talk about real things, I do see many of them every day. I can tell what kind of mood they are in and they tell me little stories about their lives (even though sometimes I have no clue what the hell they are talking about) and I nod and smile and encourage them to speak English. Some of my classes have diaries and they write real personal entries. I read a diary at work yesterday of a girl I have taught for a while discussing her grandfather's death. She doesn't speak great English, but I could decipher most of what she was trying to say ("Today was a sadder day." - I've been on her about using the past tense in her diary and I think she tried to make "sad" past tense.) I can relate to her, because I am human and I can relate to her human emotion of sadness. I miss those emotional connections that I have with people back home. Without having people to talk to, the little times where things aren't going so great, become terrible. I think we all need outlets when shit's going down, and I don't feel like I have those outlets over here. Human emotions are meant to be shared - they just don't mean as much if you have no one to share them with.

There is one conversation partner that has been absent from this blogging: me. Like I said, when I'm not on the streets, I am either at school or home. At home, I've got me to talk to. I spend massive amounts of time alone, which is kind of weird. I don't think I'm turning into Ted Kaczynski or anything, but I have questioned my sanity a few times. I do find myself talking aloud to myself.

I read the "Dharma Bums" by Kerouac when I got to Korea, and there was a line that I underlined when I was reading it that I thought I should take to heart in my time here. In the story, Kerouac is being driven up a mountain, where he will sit at the top and look for wildfires. He will be totally alone for months, at the top of Desolation Peak, with his only human contact being a radio call once a day to say there are no fires. There is an old man named Happy driving him up the mountain and he offers some advice to Jack about his time alone. Jack is saying how excited he is to go it alone for awhile, just as I was when I came to Korea, and Happy says, "You're saying that now but you'll change your tune soon enough. They all talk brave. But then you get to talkin to yourself. That ain't so bad but don't start answering yourself, son." For some reason, I feel like this is a measure of my sanity. I allow myself to speak aloud to myself, but I make sure I'm not answering my own questions. The last thing I need is to come home with a split personality disorder.

A big part of the reason I left America on this journey was to become more self-reliant. I wanted to take myself totally out of my comfort zone and force myself to make it on my own for a little while. All in all, I am loving it, but the loneliness I would encounter was not something I fully appreciated until I was alone in Asia for eight and a half months.

For now, I'll just keep cruising through Korea in my bubble and keep getting to know Kyle a little better. I'm not that bad of a dude to hang out with. And neither am I.

Much love from Seoul

Sexual Harassment

2007-05-11T00:44:00.000+09:00

I've been geared up all week to write an extensive account of our Cinco de Mayo festival in the alley behind our building last weekend, but something so ludicrous happened at work today that I feel like it has gained priority and I need to share it.

We all had to come into work early today to watch a sexual harassment video. The video viewing was mandated by the Korean Ministry of Labor. The reason for the mandate was explained as follows: "There was an incident with a woman who no longer works with us. She reported an incident to the Ministry of Labor...and...and...it's complicated." Through word of mouth I have heard the woman was one of the "helper" teachers who essentially work at our school for twenty minutes a day, directing the kindergarteners to the buses and riding in the bus with them home. I know no more.

It seems fair to assume that the incident would involve one of the old Korean men who drive the buses, but they were not in attendance at the viewing. Also, if the gossip is true, it seems like the "helper" ladies should have been in attendance as well. They were not.

All of us teachers, both foreign and Korean, piled into a room at 2:30 to watch a short video which would hopefully explain to us the harms of sexual harassment (or give us pointers as I had hoped.) The mood was anything but professional. I witnessed (and took part in) more sexual harassment in the thirty minutes in the classroom than I have seen or heard in my eight months here.

There were numerous problems with the dvd/computer setup, which gave us more time to sexually harass each other. I suggested we do some role playing on stage. I asked some of my co-workers if they wanted to make out during the movie. We talked about butt-touching, boob-staring, penis-licking, etc.

The video was scheduled for 2:30 so we could all be in class by 3:00 when most classes start. The setup finally got up and going at about 2:58. We sat in the dark and made crass comments while a Korean woman on screen spoke Korean. The only thing I understood on the screen was "annyong haseo" at the very beginning which means "hello." The rest of the time, I listened to the incredibly inappropriate comments that were being made throughout the audience. It was actually a really fun, bonding experience for the lot of us. The video was on for just long enough to take pictures to send to the Ministry of Labor and then we were all out of there in time to teach class.

I was amazed a the encounter for a few reasons. In the States, I feel like a claim of sexual harassment would be taken very seriously, but here, it was laughable to all parties involved. I was also amazed at the willingness to laugh in the government's face. They mandated we watch a video to fix our behavior, but they had us all sign the paper and get the hell out of there as soon as there was photo evidence of the viewing taking place. They can't tell us what to do. We shalln't respect their authoritie.

I dig this country and its willingness to allow boob-staring in the workplace...

Much Love from Seoul

Rules Rule

2007-05-05T11:26:00.000+09:00

Ever since I was a young lad, I have been pathologically anti-authority. I always question the establishment and think I am smarter than the people in charge. I think many Americans are the same way. We are brought up aware of the pitfalls of mindlessly following our leaders without using our own brains (see: Hilter, Adolph, "1984," by George Orwell, the Enron Corporation, the Iraq War, any song by Green Day, etc.)

Koreans do not think the same way. They love rules. The phrase "thinking out of the box" does not exist in this country. There aren't very many risks taken in this country. Every neighborhood looks the same. Every building looks the same. The insides of buildings look the same. I find it quite astonishing the minimal amount of diversity I encounter in a city of this size. In actuality, it is baffling.

People in this country need the rules tell them how to behave. There are little cultural guidelines on how to behave in almost every situation. I feel like everything in this country is all just pomp and circumstance. People don't always say what they feel - they generally say what they feel is the right thing to say.

As I walk the streets of Seoul, I am constantly surrounded by rule-followers.

The other day, as I was walking to work, I was crossing a crosswalk. This is a crosswalk I cross virtually every day. The little green man on the sign was beckoning me to cross the street, but as soon as I began to cross, a red man appeared on the sign as my green friend disapeared, warning me that the time to cross was over. I know this intersection well enough to know that there is about a 20-second buffer from the time when the crosswalk turns red to the time when the actual light turns red. I had plenty of time to cross the street without any real danger of being hit by a car, so I went ahead and began to cross anyway.

A girl was running across the street towards me as the light changed (people always run through crosswalks and up to crosswalks. God forbid getting caught in the street while the light is red. This is not 'Nam - there are rules!) The girl that was running screamed "Hey!" and grabbed me. She pointed at the little red man and looked at me like I was crazy.

There was a geniune look of dread on her face. She saw this foreign person who was about to commit suicide. No one in Korea has ever been daring enough to cross on a red. I could tell she thought I was stupid. Why else would I be in the street while the little red man looks down on me with shame? It was her duty to point me in the right direction - back to the side of the street from whence I came. She was doing her one good deed for the day; she was saving my life.

I said, "Thank you," and proceeded to cross the street. I think her first inclination was to call an ambulance to scrape my body off of the street. Then when I fully crossed the street with my body still intact, I think she wanted to call the police. How dare a foreigner come to Korea and break the rules.

The 60's never happened in Korea. Anti-establishment is a nonsensical term in this land and that is something that I have trouble dealing with over here. Fuck Authority...

Much Love from Seoul

AWAYLS SMILE!

2007-04-26T00:24:00.000+09:00

This was written on one of my middle school student's notebooks this evening. It seems to me to be a perfect motto for me to adopt while I am living in Asia. I think I've had similar life mottos in the past, but I've never spelled them so perfectly.

This utter sense of optimism, mixed with a well-intentioned attempt to use the English language is the reason my soul is awalys smiling over here - and a big part of the reason I'm not ready to come home yet.

Another great moment: I had a kid attempt to say the word "pronunciation" over eight times in class, and with a delicious amount of irony, he never could pronounce it correctly. We were reading guidelines for reading and the same kid read the sentences, "Never speak too quickly. Try to speak at a natural pace," so fast he sounded like an auctioneer on amphetamines. I actually asked him if he knew what the word "irony" meant - he just blankly smiled and said, "Teacher no." (author's sidenote: the word irony was one of our vocab words last month - I don't think he's been studying too hard)

Most of the stories I share here have to do with my life outside of the walls of the school I work at. I thought you might enjoy a few stories from the front lines...

Much love from Seoul

Meat, Smoke and Me

2007-04-23T23:26:00.000+09:00

My school had an outing to the countryside two weekends ago. We all went out to the mountains (teachers, bus drivers, administration - no kids) and played a bunch of soccer and kickball, ate some real good food and did some karaoke singing once the sun went down. It was a stellar time. At the end of the night, I was handed a little bonus that I used to pay for half of a brand new, full-size Weber grill from Costco.

Those of you that know me well, will understand how important having a grill is to me. The lack of an available grill has been one of the only downsides to living in Korea, and the problem has now been fixed.

Assembling my new, shiny grill in the alley, I couldn't help but smile. I knew what kind of joy and culinary fulfillment this tool will bring to my life in the next 10 months I spend here. I have never owned a new grill - I've always hand-me-downs and garage sale grills. This grill is perfect. I am also a little excited about the fact that I am only going to use the grill for 10 months, so I can abuse the hell out of it.

I have now had the grill for a total of eight days, and already I have grilled three times: KC strips, peppers and potatoes the first night, beer-can chickens on Friday, and ribs, asparagus spears and potatoes last night. I believe I have already gotten my moneys worth out of the grill and it has hardly been a week.

The grilling season has officially begun here in Seoul. I have gotten some looks from people in the alley who wonder what exactly is going on inside the smoky black orb surrounded by strange foreigners, but as I have said many times on this blog, people look at me weird wherever I go and whatever I do, so I have become pretty comfortable with the quizzical glares.

I am so happy about the new world of grilling that has been opened up to me here in Korea. I think I might be able to end this damn skirmish with the North if only I can get some of my beer-can chickens, covered in Gates rub and sauce across the border to Kim Jong-Il and his people and let them taste what freedom tastes like...

Much love from Seoul

Perspective

2007-04-22T19:56:00.000+09:00

I spent the night down in Onyang last night to help send off Mr. Atwood in style. He's back to Bushtopia on Wednesday. It's always great to get out of the city for a while and hike through the mountains, eat some Korean barbecue and black out at different bars. It's been great having a friend living outside of Seoul to go visit and I will miss having him around to chill with.

We had a discussion a few weeks ago about how weird it will be to try to relay certain stories to friends back home. We both agreed that as the culture shock has worn off, our perceptions of what is "normal" have totally changed.

At first, I found it very weird to see grown men in business suits at 7:00 p.m., hunched over, too drunk to stand, on a main road, holding a bottle of soju in one hand and their cock with the other, urinating. As crazy is it may sound, this is now somewhat commonplace to me.

One of the first things I noticed in Seoul was the overwhelming stench of fish. There are fish markets in every alley. The smell of frying fish wafts through the halls of my apartment building from morning until night. I found it incredibly repulsive when I first arrived, but now I am totally used to it.

There is a theory in psychology that states that the brain will receive sensation stimuli and notice them when they first appear, until a stimulus has been around for a while and then your brain will stop noticing it. Even though a certain smell, sound or sight is in your surrounding environment, you will stop taking notice of it. I guess this describes what has happened with the fish smell and I think it is a good metaphor to describe my overall outlook on Korea. Things that once made my eyes open wide have now become things that I don't even notice.

I was baffled at first by four-year-olds with cell phones, street vendors selling dairy products and rat poison out of the same cooler, throw up on the street, Korean kids using their fingers to give themselves "slanty" eyes and mock the Chinese and Japanese, girls dressed in cheerleader outfits dancing in front of furniture stores trying to bring people into the store, people eating silkworm larvae on the street like candy and many other countless things. As time has passed however, these oddities have just become a part of my day-to-day life and I have grown fully accustomed to them.

*******************

In other news, this week I got my tickets to go the Fuji Rock Festival in Japan for this summer. So far the lineup includes: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, Yo La Tengo, The Shins, The Cure, Iggy Pop, Feist, Gov't Mule and others. My li'l sis is going to be visiting around then and the two of us are going to check out the festival. The atmosphere is supposed to be incredible and I think it will be a great time. I am already pretty excited for it even though it's not until the end of July.

Other than that, life is good in Korea. I have been a little bit lazy with this blog lately, but I am hoping to add entries with a little more regularity from now on. I've been doing a lot of writing lately on a little side project of short stories I am doing. I'm hoping to have some of those ready to send out via e-mail to some of you all. I think you will be pleasantly entertained.

Much love from Seoul

words

2007-04-10T23:52:00.000+09:00

I am employed and valued in this country because of my ability to speak the English language. English is very important to the people of South Korea. They see it as a way to be accepted into the global community of both business and media, thus almost everyone studies it. Obviously, Korean is the main language of Korea, but English is everywhere. Everywhere!

This happens to be great for me since I really don't speak much Korean (and read even less.) The Starbuck's menu is fully in English, the subway system is all labeled in Korean and I can always find someone on the street who speaks enough English to help me when I am having problems. This definitely helped ease me into this crazy land when I found myself quite culture shocked when I first arrived. Although the majority of the time it is helpful, I also find that a lot of the time it is there for mere decoration. The status and outward appearance of an establishment becomes much more sophisticated and hip if its name is written in English - regardless of what those words are. A lot of places will have a motto written in English, using so many long and loaded words that the saying almost loses all meaning to a native English speaker. Please allow me to give a few examples.

This is a clothing store in Itaewon. I think this is one of the best names for a store ever. I can't imagine a better way to get you point across and tell the consumer the benefit of using your product in such a direct manner. If you want to look fucking lovely, I suggest you make a trip to Seoul and I can show you a store that can help you out. Another good name is "Pink Fanny." I think they are also a clothing store. Those of you international and astute readers will remember that "fanny" is British slang for vagina. My British friends get a big kick out of that place.

TN is a brewery that I drink at as often as I can. TN stands for "Taste Noble," which really means nothing but it does have the word "taste" in it which means something and "noble" which makes me think my taste buds will be in the company of royalty as I drink their beer. Above is TN's motto, which adorns the elevator that takes you up to their pub. I am still waiting for a brewer with inferior ales to come rushing through the door and the brewers and waiters at TN will pull out swords and fight to ensure that they do not surrender their satisfication to the world. I still have no idea what they mean when they call themselves "the name of the new challenge." The place makes the best beer in Korea though, and for now I will attest to the fact that they have at least never surrendered their satisfaction to me.

I want to be clear here that I could literally walk around Seoul and take pictures all day finding ridiculous English phrases and names around every corner. Like I said, English is everywhere and obviously, not all English teachers are as skilled as me.

One place where I find a special amount of irony in products covered in silly English is at my school. Our children are supposed to be learning all about the English language and how to use it to communicate correctly. The clothing that is worn and the school supplies that are bought contain English that is so atrocious I sometimes wonder if I am getting anything across to them. Again, I could take pictures for weeks and still not fully catalog all of the ridiculous English contained within the walls of my school, but here is one fine example of over-usage of the English language by someone who doesn't fully have command of it:

This box was given to me on Valentine's Day by one of my students. It was full of little candies and it was very sweet of her to have brought it. However, I am still pondering the exact message she was trying to get across to me. I think the overall vibe of the words is easy to decipher, but the overall meaning gets lost on me. I asked one of my Korean co-teachers what it meant and she launched into an explanation of the word "beacon" and how lighthouses are used to help ships avoid the coast. I politely explained that being a native speaker, I actually understood every word contained within the phrase, but was wondering if she could explain what the words meant as a whole. She intently stared at them for a few moments and then said she had no idea. She has since come to me asking me what certain English phrases mean, and I have yet to be able to understand a single one.

Pencil cases and notebooks are full of these nonsensical phrases. "Happy friend that hugs the love at the other friend time happyness gathering of intimacy." "My thoughts and donuts are all on paper of genius computer." "dogs cute fuzzy smile on cat hair belly love."

I guess I would compare the English usage in this country to the old "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" dog in the States. Everybody knows enough spanish to understand that in America; everybody has at least some basic phrases under their belt ("Yo quiero una cervesa y dos tacos por favor," "Donde esta la mota?") To a native spanish speaker I am sure that the phrase may not hold that much meaning, but to those of us with the late night munchies, the little chihuahua that could speak Spanish sent us straight on a course to Taco Bell. Maybe the companies hope that their usage of English phrases over here will have the same effect on their local market.

I am very appreciative of the fact that English is so prevalent over here. It's the reason I am able to be here and it makes my life much easier - and quite frankly provides me with non-stop laughs.

Hope all is well with all of y'all

Love from Seoul

An Asian Tradition, Beer Pong

2007-03-31T12:39:00.000+09:00

My buddy Dee and I decided we should black out last night; and black out I did.

Yesterday, Dee hit up the local sports store and bought some ping-pong balls. My favorite thing about the sports store is a large box they have in the window labeled "6 Second Abs." I feel that the name is either incorrectly translated or the Asians have come up with an unbelievably efficient way to tone your abs.

After work we got some Korean barbecue and had a few pregame drinks. We went to a local grocer and bought plastic cups and headed back to our neighborhood to play the inaguaral beer pong match of the 2007 season.

We lined up the cups and let it fly. The first game was definitely a game for the ages. It was back and forth the whole time until the end when Dee managed to pull away, and eventually made a shot into my last beer, almost ending the game. However, beer pong enthusiasts will remember that one is given a rebuttal opportunity to save their own ass and stay in the game. Dee still had two cups on the table which meant that I would have to make two perfect throws to send the game into overtime.

I set my feet, lined up the shots and made two shots under pressure. Local sports journalists have compared it to the Christian Laetner shot against Duke. Others have called me the Asian-American Tiger Woods (not to be confused with the actual Asian-African-American Tiger Woods.) I'm cool under pressure and have ice flowing through my veins (or beer) when the game is on the line.

I ended up winning the game, which is even more impressive when you learn that the game took place in Dee's apartment. It was an away game for me and I still managed to pull out a victory.

The beautiful part about beer pong is: although one player may be defined as the "winner" and the other as the "loser," there are no losers in beer pong. Everyone is afforded an equal opportunity to black out, thus we are all winners.

The beer we were using for the game was Cass Red. Cass is a beer I've been drinking ever since I arrived in this cooky land. It is basically a shitty Natural Light, but don't allow those words to convince you it is decent - it is a horrible beer. Recently, Cass has come out with Cass Red which is basically the same beer with twice the alcohol content. I'll be honest, it did the trick.

Somewhere around 1:00am we ended up at the convenience store buying more beer. The convenience store is about 100 yards from our apartment building and somehow I managed to lose Dee on the way home. I honestly have no clue how we got separated, but we managed to part ways and I woke up with two gigantic beers in my fridge and a minor pain in my head.

I don't remember coming home or how my night ended - a textbook case of blacking out. I set a goal for myself at the beginning of the day and I accomplished it. Let this be a lesson to all of you, if you set a goal and really put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything. Reach for the stars!

Love from Seoul

2am Ramblings - Inspired by Bukowski

2007-03-24T01:57:00.000+09:00

Home
is where I want to be
but I think I'm already there
I walk this Earth being me
and seeing what I want to see
the people glance my way
as I saunter through the day-to-day
business of living life
The memo says: "Production levels are
down for this quarter, so try to do your best to
go the extra mile."
No camplaints come from me
as I walk the city streets
Doing what I can and trying to understand
All I can do is
Smile

Away
from what I understand
as normal
the people fill the streets
and walk amongst the fleets
of money-making schemes and
loudspeaker dreams screaming sales and
tales of the Korean unknown
treasures waiting in the bed of trucks
along the alley

If only the
mute button
on my remote control
worked on trucks

A Little Taste of Home

2007-03-21T23:48:00.000+09:00

I finally saw one. I've been looking for one ever since I arrived in Seoul and I finally saw one today. I was walking down into the subway station by my apartment and a Korean girl was walking the other way wearing a Royals shirt. One of those powder blue t-shirts with the front graphic resembling an authentic Royals jersey. I knew it would happen at some point, but I got incredibly excited when I saw it. However, I'm not 100% sure she is a loyal KC fan.

I would equate people wearing English shirts over here to Americans getting those Chinese character tattoos - they might not necessarily know what they mean, but they think they look cool. I saw a guy walking the streets the other day wearing a nice blazer and a shirt that was a fake Skittles shirt that said "Shittles" and had a toilet paper roll instead of a cloud at the end of the rainbow. One of the kids I teach who happens to be about 10, wears a shirt on a regular basis that has a huge marijuana leaf and the number 420 on it. There is even a legend around our school of a kindergartener who used to wear a pair of jeans with a patch that said "Too drunk to fuck." Looking back on it, I wonder if some of the Chinese character encounters I have had in my past were more vulgar than I ever imagined.

People wear American sports teams' gear all over this city so I've been keeping a lookout for somebody wearing Royals, Chiefs or Jayhawks garb. I did see one guy wearing a Chief's getup when I was Christmas shopping, but I don't count that encounter as an official siting. Picture this: I saw a guy that was a few inches taller than me and weighed about a small child more than me. He had a Chief's visor circling his head just below his crew cut. He was wearing shorts even though it was freezing out and had an official Chief's Starter windbreaker from 1994 keeping his upper-half warm. He looked like the kind of guy that would be walking the streets of Raytown getting ridiculed by the locals. All he was missing was the Zoobaz pants.

I digress. Back to the whole "taste of home" part of this blogging. This past weekend was the kickoff of one of my favorite international events - March Madness. Nothing makes me feel more at home than watching the Jayhawks run some ball. The first game took place live on my computer at 8:00 am on Saturday morning. In order to make Seoul a little more Lawrence-y, I trekked across Seoul earlier in the week to buy all the fixins for Louise's West bloody marys: V8, A1, worcestershire and tobasco with fellow Jayhawker, Mr. Atwood, providing the pickles and vodka. We were pretty well shit-canned by 11:00 am. Nothing says home like being close to blacked out in the a.m. while the Jayhawks beat a team by 40 points. We topped the weekend off with some Sunday beer-can chickens coated in Gates hot and spicy rub and covered in Gates sauce.

I haven't really been homesick very much. Sure I miss friends and restauants, but my quality of life is so great over here, that most of the homesickness thoughts just come in passing. Either way, it is still nice to get a little taste of home every now and then. Between my Royals fan neighbors, Louise's West bloody marys and drunk kids cawing out windows, I feel like this place is becoming more and more like Kansas every day. I'm guessing by this time next week Seoul will have decided that evolution never really happened and their main export will shift from electronics to wheat.

Love from Seoul

You Say Tomato, I Say Tomatoe

2007-03-12T23:31:00.000+09:00

Confusing stuff like this happens so often over here I've become somewhat desensitized to them, but this made me laugh so hard I thought I would share.

On Friday night, I went to a Brazilian barbecue restaurant. They have a huge spit out front where they cook all different kinds of meats and side items: lamb, an assortment of beef, pork, chicken, sausage, potatoes and pineapple. Servers circulate throughout the restaurant with the skewers and you pretty much eat as much meat and side items as you can. The food was absolutely delicious (as was the Chilean red wine.) I find myself eating a lot of Asian food, being that I live in Asia, but sometimes it's nice to get some cuisine from other parts of the world.

Dinner ended and we were pretty full and a little tipsy. My buddy decided that the perfect ending to our meal would be some hookah smoke. Tons of bars over here have hookahs with a variety of different tobaccos. None of us were too familiar with the area, so I decided to ask the waiter if he could point us in the right direction.

Now, I still have yet to learn Korean, so I still rely mainly on actions, body language and other people's understanding of English in order to communicate with others in this country. Fortunately for me, the majority of the waiters at this restaurant were Brazilian, therefore they also were not Korean-speakers - they spoke Portuguese. I don't speak Portuguese, but they were also fluent in Spanish and asked if we could speak it as well because they were more comfortable with it than English. My Spanish doesn't take me much further than being able to engage in simple conversations and, conveniently enough, restaurant Spanish, but it was enough to get by. Even though we were all speaking our second language, I felt like I was communicating with our servers on a level I am unable to in most restaurants I am in in Korea. It made me feel great.

So I felt like we had become kind of chummy with our waiters and I thought he could point me towards a bar that would have hookahs. I asked, in English, "Hey man, do you know where I could get a hookah around here?" To which he responded, without missing a beat, "No. No hookers around here." I lost my shit. I was laughing so hard I didn't even bother to try to continue the conversation and figure out where a hookah bar was. I was just content to walk out of the restaurant with our waiter thinking I was that comfortable loudly asking where a man could find a whore. It's amazing how highly people think of Americans over here.

Love from Seoul

What about the Muslims?

2007-03-03T12:19:00.000+09:00

In many of the subway stations around Seoul there are large projection screens placed on the median in between the two sides of the tracks. On the screens they show some news highlights, stocks, commercials and public service announcements. My favorite public service announcement is an anti-terrorism ad. The whole ad is Korean, so I don't fully understand it, but I think I hava a pretty clear understanding of the message they are trying to get across.

The ad begins with a typical subway station during a busy rush hour. People are going this way and that as police officers keep a watchful eye on the commuters. Then, the camera zooms in on the face of a white man - the only white man in a sea of Koreans. The white man's shifty eyes and scruffly beard make it evident he is up to no good. Then, and this is the part where my heart starts to race, the white man places a backpack under a seat in the subway. What is in the backpack? I usually carry books and an umbrella in my backpack, and I am a white man, but one can only assume the shifty man in the ad has a backpack full of WMD's. Really, it's the only logical solution.

The ad now shows a young girl and her father noticing the terrorist and his actions. They rush to a phone and dial a number, presumably the number that is flashing on the screen. In an ironic plot twist, these people must have seen the very ad they are starring in.

Next, they show police officers checking the subway for any backpacks that may contain bombs. They have WMD-sniffing dogs at their side and their faces make it evident they will be all business on this search. This a stark contrast from the usual demeanor of the Seoul subway officer - they are essentially the equivalent of American shopping mall parking lot security guards, the kind that stares you down as you enter the parking garage and then goes right back to napping once you have passed. The kind of securtiy guard that has a car with yellow blinking lights on the top that are used only in emergency situations - like when he runs out of donuts or has take a leak really bad. In the station by my school I actually saw one of the subway officers wearing slip-on shoes - not the best attire for the terrorist-chasing seen in the ad.

This is where the ad gets a little confusing, but I think I've deciphered the meanings. The next image flashed on the screen is a close-up of the young girl. Her face on the screen looks one part terrified, one part worried and one part freedom-loving. Suddenly, her visage becomes engulfed with flames. The drug-sniffing dogs and their masters have failed the little girl and the terrorists have won another victory in the war on terror. Or have they? I think her face may be engulfed not with the flames of terror, but with the flames of freedom because she was wise enough to call and report the white man with a backpack on the subway. Without her courageous action, the terrorists would have won - but she has saved many a life today and we will all get to work on time and alive because she did her duty. It really makes me feel at home to see such patriotic and paranoid propoganda.

I sometimes forget that we are all soldiers in the war on terror and this ad offers a sobering reminder that at any moment, a white man could be plotting to take my freedom-loving life. I try my best to be ever-vigilant as I walk through Seoul - always keeping an eye out for white people with backpacks. In a city where there are about 10 ESL teachers for every 1 citizen (that's an exaggeration, but there are a shitload of us over here) I encounter many potential terrorists each day, but I make sure to report each and every one to the police. One can never be too careful - there is a war going on.

Kill Whitey

Love from Seoul

Oink Oink

2007-02-22T23:41:00.000+09:00

Happy New Year! It's now the year of the Pig here in Asia, which for me means extra helpings of bacon with my breakfast and five days off of work. I spent the break playing tennis, traveling around Seoul and drinking heavily. A few highlights:

My co-workers and I discovered a restaurant called "Carne Station." I'm all the way in Korea, but my extensive knowledge of the Spanish language (I only flunked one Spanish class in college) helped me to decipher that this restaurant would have lots of meat. However, I was not prepared for everything else that would come along with a visit to Carne Station. As you walk in the door, you are charged about $23 US and then sat at a table with a grill in the middle - typical for Korean barbecue restaurants. They have a huge buffet line with all sorts of meats, side items, pastas, soups, kimbabs, breads, rice, sauces and ice cream - an array definitely worth the $23 entrance fee. The food was impressive, but here's the kicker: the fee also includes beverage. They have my favorite Korean beer on tap, Red Rock, as well as a myriad of wine and liquors. I drank way more than $23 worth of booze and believe there is a good chance I ate more than $23 worth of food. I'm pretty sure the maitre'd cringed when she saw me walk in. She was well-aware that they would be losing money on letting me in the door. I will definitely be returning to Carne Station.

On Sunday, Atwood and I got some beers and ordered some archived KU games off ESPN Full Court. We ordered the Nebraska game which had aired only a few hours earlier. Neither of us knew the outcome of the game so it was pretty fun to watch. It made me feel like I was at home. All that was missing was the barbecue, the Boulevard and the bowls. The Hawks beat the Huskers up and down the court like they were playing a middle school team. March Madness, here we come!

I also took this opportunity of some time off to check out the COEX Aquarium in Seoul. It is supposed to be really impressive. The first room of the aquarium made me regret paying to enter. They had fish that looked like the fish you were given in second grade as a party favor from the rich kid when you went to his birthday party. And at the back of the room they had a small terrarium with a chipmunk in it - a fucking chipmunk! The experience did improve, however. There were electric eels, sharks, massive sting rays, large and small lizards, elegant jelly fish, etc. It didn't motivate me to become a marine biologist or anything, but it ended up being a fun way to waste an afternoon.

Again, Happy New Year! I've been preparing some photo essays for some future bloggings. I have been collecting silly English (which is everywhere,) pictures of Korean food and am always on the lookout for other eye candy I think y'all may enjoy. Stay posted...

Love from Seoul

I'm a Murderer

2007-02-11T18:09:00.000+09:00

I did it again. I killed a student. I came to Korea with the best of intentions, but I can't help my cultural ignorance and I've killed a minimum of three students. Allow me to explain.

The names of the dead in Korea have historically been written in the color red. I, being a teacher who does large amounts of grading during classes, generally carry a red pen with me at all times. So if I find myself in a grading situation where students are lining up at my desk or tossing their workbooks on my desk, I sometimes get confused about whose work is whose, and I will non-chalantly write the student's name on their work with my red pen. This simple act has been met with screams ( I am not exaggerating here, I have made children scream) when the student sees I have written down their name in red.

At first I thought it was a joke - a student was trying to play a prank on me, but it became very evident to me that this was no laughing matter. The first incident involved a student who I have had since my first days here. She is a sweet and intelligent and very involved during lessons in a class full of jokesters. We get a lot of work done during class because the students are very smart, but we also laugh a lot because it is a class full of big personalities. This student handed in her homework without a name and when I asked whose it was, she raised her hands and said it was hers so I wrote her name on it (in red.) She freaked out. She ripped the paper out of my hand and was visibly uncomfortable. I had placed her name among the names of the dead and really the only thing left for her to do is wait for the Reaper. And why is she going to die? Because her teacher is moron.

There does appear to be a way to fix this problem. The few times I have slipped and committed this faux pas - if the student is willing to spend a few minutes using a pencil or pen to cover the red so the name appears to be written in any color other than red - then the Grim Reaper my not be able to decipher the fact that they are on the list of the dead and they may be safe.

I have realized how much this actually scares the kids, so I go way out of my way not to do it. But if I do slip, I always allow them to fix my blunder. The student will be mentally out of class until I allow them to correct my mistake (by coloring over the red with a pen or pencil) and they feel safe again. I just hope none of these kids really end up dying in some weird mishap like that movie where those students cheated death by not getting on a plane and then the plane crashed and then death came after them with a vengeance - and then the parents will blame me for "murdering" their children and this blog will act as a confession in court.

I make little cultural blunders regularly, but as far as I know, this is the only one that results in death, so I'm really working on not doing it anymore.

Before I sign off, I want to send some congratulations back to America. Not to the Rowe-Borum wedding party, not to the Jayhawks for kicking MU's ass, but to Ted Haggard. This blog has given him a hard time once or twice, but I feel he deserves a hardy congratulations for becoming ungay. He has completed his three-week stint in not-gay rehab and I'm glad to see he is ready to return to the church. It's great to see a man go from the depths of sin - smoking meth with male prostitutes - lift himself out of those depths and return to normal, non-gay society. Now he can finally lead a normal heterosexual life of smoking meth with female prostitues. Way to go Teddy! You are an inspiration for all.

Love from Seoul

Kyle: Cultural Learnings of Korea for Make Benefit

2007-02-09T00:35:00.000+09:00

This morning, at the Dongjak cultural arts center in Seoul, South Korea, a thespian performance of epic proportions went down. The kindergarten class from my academy is preparing to graduate in a few weeks and their play/dance show today was one of their final activites together as a class. They have been practicing for weeks and this morning was the culmination of all of their hardwork.

I teach older kids, so I don't see the kindergarteners much (except for when I am playing Santa Clause) so today was a good chance for me to witness them in all of their cuteness. There were some incredibly goofy shows and some silly moments where mistakes were made. The whole show was done in a kindergarten/Korean-style English, so large portions were not understood by me (or the Korean-speaking crowd.) There was the story of the 3 Billy Goats Gruff, the Lion King, Chicken Little, etc. In between the plays there were elaborate dance routines. The dances were well-choreographed and all of the children were in crazy costumes - the kind of costumes you would expect to see in off-Broadway shows. I was both impressed and shocked. And then, a dance routine came on that blew me away and helped open a window into the mindset of the Korean culture: a dance routine done by four-and-five-year-olds where they were shaking their hips, gyrating their booties and doing other various dance moves that I would deem innappropriate for high schoolers.

As risque as the dance was, it was nothing compared to the outfits being worn. The boys were wearing what may be termed in Korea as "b-boy" wear, but the girls were wearing short, short skirts and tops that were essentially two strings and a strap. I made the comment that if I have a daughter some day, the only reason I can see her wearing a similar outfit is if she comes of age, gets kicked out of my house for excessive cocaine use and multiple stints in jail and is forced to take a job at a strip club to help make ends meet. Until then, she will wear an outfit like the four-year-olds were wearing over my dead body. I was literally speechless when these girls walked onto the stage.

As I said, this incident allowed me to gain a little perspective on Korean culture. Since I don't understand the language, I take a lot of cues from body language and outward appearances. I was shocked by the routine and outfits, but I was equally shocked by the parents' and teachers' reaction to the outfits - nothing but smiles. The parents clearly thought the outfits were as cute as the duck outfits worn in the "Ugly Duckling." When one of my American coworkers questioned one of the Korean coworkers about the slutty outfits, she responded with a baffled look. She explained that the dance they were doing was adult so it was only appropriate for them to wear clothes that were suitable for the performance.

Sexual attitudes change from culture to culture and I've been interested in Korean sexual attitudes since I arrived here. I have seen many a Korean lady who I would like to do "further socialogical studies" with, if you catch my drift. There is a weird combination of sexual openness and sexual repression that occurs all at once. The Korean woman is a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a quagmire. Today, the incident with the kids made me aware of a wider cultural thinking and hopefully a window into the Korean woman's psyche. I think I learned that what is shown on a superficial level (i.e.- slutty outfits in a bar) is sometimes just a reflection of what is seen as appropriate for the situation, not necessarily an invitation. In a bar on a Friday night, the Korean female feels that it is expected of her to dress up and appear sexy - and this is in no way an indication that she desires sex. Whereas, on a Friday night in a bar, the Kyle feels that it is expected of him to check out the girls dressed up and appearing sexy - and this is definitely an indication that he is good to go at any minute. So different, but yet so similar.

Jagshemash and Love from Seoul

Hooters

2007-01-30T01:50:00.000+09:00

I think it is well-known that I am a boob man through and through. And if there is one thing that Korea is lacking, it is boobs. So I was quite excited when I got to visit a new restaurant that opened her in Seoul: Hooters!

I'm not the biggest fan of Hooters in America, but here, it is great. Girls flirt with you (in English) and they serve bar food like no other place in Korea. They have taken extreme measures to make sure that the Korean Hooters resembles the American Hooters as much as possible.

Everything in this bar revolves around the boob; and I, for one, appreciate that. There is no concern for service or food quality, but everyone seems very concerned about how much you notice the girls' boobs and how much of an opportunity they get to dance and show off the bounce-ability of their boobs and asses.

I have come to miss girls in the form I once knew them in America - and Hooters provided a welcome opportunity for me to remember how great the objectification of women truly is.

God Bless America

Love from Seoul

dreams

2007-01-28T17:09:00.000+09:00

I am fully out of the funk I found myself in in the middle of last week. I had a good rest of the week and my weekend has been fun at times and relaxing at times - just what I needed. I think it's time to get back to what I originally wanted to talk about when I last tried to post: dreams.

In Korea, I have entered a totally different world than the one I was used to. The people are different, the language is different, the neighborhoods are different - everything is different. As I walk around the city awake, I encounter surreal things every where I go. However, when I sleep, I routinely return to my regular life.

As I sleep, I encounter people and places that I am much more familiar with. Quite often, I mix eras and thoughts from throughout my life, but I have found dreaming to be one of the most pleasurable things I do over here. I recently found myself in my gradeschool, surrounded by high school friends watching a KU game on a computer. I have found myself in the house I grew up in surrounded by people whose names I don't even remember but I recognize them from my past. Sometimes I am in Korea, but surrounded by friends or family.

I have been shocked at some of the faces that have popped up in my dreams. People I have not thought about for over a decade will show up where I least expect it. I can't tell you how many times I have woken up with a smile on my face. I have no idea how some of these people creep back into my psyche. Sometimes I can pinpoint an event or reason for the memory, but most of the time they come out of nowhere.

This will come as no surprise to those of you that know me well, but I also find myself dreaming of food: smoky barbecue, greasy Winstead's and Ben and Jerry's. I have learned to enjoy the rice and noodles and fish that I am surrounded by over here, but when I dream I get to return to REAL food.

Another interesting minor problem I have encountered is being taken over by my dreams when there are things going on in the real world while I sleep. This is weird, but I think some of you will understand this scenario. During Chief's season, Chief's games would be on in the middle of the night, usually ending at either 6am or 9am. So, if a game would end at 6am and I would wake up at 6:15, I would instantly realize that the game was over and I would want to know who won. I usually would lie in bed in that state of half sleep and half awake going in and out of the dream world where Larry Johnson is getting injured and Christian Okoye is scoring a winning touchdown until I forced my self to get up, turn the computer on and check the score and then I would be able to go back to sleep. I have been having the same experience when there are KU games on - I have to force myself to wake up and check the score otherwise I will be totally tormented in my dreams.

As I near the five-month mark in Seoul, I am becoming more comfortable with my surroundings, but at the same time it is nice to make my nightly trek across the ocean to return home for a few minutes to be surrounded by all of you. See you at Winstead's.

Love from Seoul

Kyle and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad past couple Days

2007-01-24T23:04:00.001+09:00

I've had a rough couple days. I had a whole blogging ready to write about (my dreams over here - I'll have to get back to it another time), but when I tried to log on to blogger, for some reason, everything on my blog has changed back to Korean. I have it set on English, but for some reason it reverts back to Korean from time to time. I'm assuming it is one of the stellar new and improved features of the new and improved blogger. All I can say abou the new blogger.com is: I'm a huge fucking fan. So anywho, I logged on to write about one thing and have decided to instead bitch - I need to vent - I figured it might make me feel a little better. If you're looking for something witty or humorous or deep, get the hell out of this site and go rent a Pauly Shore movie because this isn't going to be pretty.

I am nearing the end of what our school calls "intensives" where I have in effect picked up 80 extra classes over the last four weeks. That's a lot and it has begun to wear me down a little bit. To give you an idea of how I'm feeling, I haven't taken a nap since I've gotten to Korea until this this weekend and over the weekend I took three: one on Friday evening, one on Saturday afternoon and one on Sunday evening - and I didn't even do any substantial drinking this weekend. The intensive schedule ends on Monday and I couldn't be more excited to go back to normal schedule. To be a little bit positive, my paycheck next month will be laced with a bunch of overtime hours, which will be nice, so if I can just get through these last few days everything will be gravy.

Last week was my birthday, and having a day that is supposed to be all about you in a country where you are more or less on your own is kinda wierd. I wouldn't say I am lonely, but I do feel alone a lot of the time, and my birthday really intensified the feelings of being alone. I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but there is something terribly depressing about sitting in a room at 2am on your birthday, nursing the bottom of a fifty dollar fifth of Crown Royal, alone with your thoughts, getting too drunk to jerk off. On the plus side, I bought myself an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins that was pretty incredible, so I guess I would have to say it wasn't all bad.

My computer is slowly dying.
I ripped one pair of pants and permamently stained another - and they don't sell clothes for fat people in Korea.
I need a haircut but can't bring myself to visit the mullet-prone barbers of Korea.
I don't even want to begin ranting about my Saturday - it was just one failure after another - taking place all over the city.
It's been fucking cold around here lately - and it's supposed to get colder.
The Jayhawks lost to Texas Tech?
One of the few birthday presents that made its way across the ocean was a collection of Bukowski poems from my mom titled, "You Get So Alone."
I keep getting e-mails telling me about sweet bands coming through KC and Lawrence and it really makes me miss live music that isn't flowing from my iPod.
I miss my friends.

To be honest, my mood really lightened up today and I had a really good day at work, but when I tried to log on to my blog tonight and it was all in Korean, my blood started to boil. I don't lose my temper very often, but I was screaming and I realized it was because of all the pent-up negative energy I've been trying to hold in and ignore. This has been rather cathartic (just like when Mike Shank beat the shit out of the old used car in "American Movie.")

Love from Seoul

In An Octopus's Garden

2007-01-13T13:49:00.000+09:00

For an early birthday treat I visited a restaurant by my school that I walk by every day. Like most seafood restaurants in Seoul, it has many aquariums decorating its front window full of sea creatures that they will kill and cook up for you. But for this venture, there would be no chef needed, because I was there to eat live octopus.

The octopus was brought to our table cut up, but very much still wiggling. It looked like a bowl full of caterpillars. It had been covered in sesame seeds and oil was brought to our table for dipping - whether it was for flavor enhancement or lubrication I'm not sure.

It is very important to do a good job chewing the little guys because there suction suckers on their tentacles are very much still operational and every once in awhile people have been known to choke when a resourceful tentacle holding on for dear life lodges itself in someone's wind pipe.

When I had one in my mouth it suctioned one end of itself to the inside of my gums and the other end to the outside of my gums, leaving it laid across my teeth. I bit down and it realeased itself from my gums, but continued to wiggle until it was swallowed. The texture was unlike anything I have ever tasted. It was real rubbery and didn't have a whole lot of taste, but it was a fun experience.

I don't know how often I will be going back, but I documented my first taste with a video my friend shot for me. I posted it on YouTube and this is the link that should take you there:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MZz0tPDFOJY

Love from Seoul

Seoul Train

2007-01-04T23:17:00.000+09:00

Last weekend, for the first time since I arrived in this foreign land, I was confronted by someone and made to feel incredibly foreign.

I went to the Irish bar, O'Kim's, in pursuit of some brewery beers. They brew their own beer there and my buddy from Vermont and I were hoping we could drink some quality beers that might remind us of the microbrewed beers from the States. We shared a few beers and a few laughs and built up a solid buzz. On the way to the subway station to return home we stopped by a convenience store and purchased a few tallboys for the ride.

Before I take this story any further I need to explain a little something about Korean culture. Alcohol is sold and legal to drink virtually everywhere in Seoul. If you're like me you might assume that this open policy would lead to drinkers all over the city - but it doesn't. In fact, you almost never see people drinking in public other than bums (and if you're homeless, and the street is your home, I guess you're not really drinking in public are you.) People have no problem being insanely drunk in public, but the actual act of drinking is seen as somewhat shameful and frowned upon. Fortunately for me, being a white, American, English-speaking giant, my existence is somewhat shameful and frowned upon, so if I add a beer into the equation, I don't feel like it makes me that much more socially unacceptable. My foreing chums and I have made quite a habit of picking up "roadies" for subway rides on the weekends and no one has ever really questioned us. Now back to the story...

It was a Friday evening so the subway was pretty packed. We had about fourteen stops to go to get home, but I had a beer in my hand and a buzz in my head and life was good. We made it a few stops before an old man who was visibly drunk got on the train and came and stood right next to us. He reeked of alcohol. He started saying things in Korean to us and making some motions with his hands. We weren't sure what he was saying, but it was obvious he was drunk and not happy. His hand motions became a little more complex once he realized we were clueless about what he was trying to say. He was motioning for us to chug the beers, crush the cans and put it in our pockets out of sight. He realized his efforts were futile and we didn't buy into his Confucius way of thinking (that the young must adhere to the old's way of thought) and he began berating us loudly in front of the full subway car. The subway had turned into the old man's stage, a pulpit for him to preach to the whole car about the two foreigners who weren't following social norms. He stopped even talking to us and was just addressing the crowd. The on-lookers began to shuffle their feet and nervously look at the ground - it was uncomfortable for all. My buddy finished his beer and put it in his pocket, but I just kept on drinking, at this point not for my own enjoyment, but simply to spite the old man. He was being a cock and making me feel like an outsider in a city I have grown accustomed to calling home. I go so far out of my way to follow social customs as much as possible and be good guest in someone else's country - but my love for Korea and its people is not unconditional and if this fucking chinaman wants to tell me what to do...I'm sorry I'm losing my temper. There comes a time in every man's life when he must look to the "Big Lebowski," for advice. Any advice Walter? "Dude. I'm talking about drawing a line in the sand, Dude. Across this line, you DO NOT... Also, Dude, chinaman is not the preferred nomenclature." Thank you Walter. Like I was saying, I go out of my way to be respectful, but this situation was one of the first times where I felt like somebody had crossed that line in the sand.

There is a little bit of irony in the fact that the drunkest guy on the subway was offended by a couple guys bringing beers onto the train. We were hurting no one, not bothering a soul but this man deemed it necessary to make sure the whole car realized what transgression was going down in the corner of the car. He was too drunk to stand and spitting all over the people around him as he yelled, but we were the ones in the wrong.

We did make it back to our stop without an altercation, even though I was a little bit worried my buddy was going to lose his cool a couple times. The old man was facing him from the start and directed most of his speech at him. But we got home and kept drinking in the privacy of our own apartments, which didn't bother anyone.

For the record, I will not stop drinking on the train. It makes no sense to me that others don't join in. The subway could be a sweet party on a Friday night if everybody that just got off work had a cold one in their hand. Seems like a much better commute than being stuck in traffic, honking your horn and yelling at the other cars as you blow off some road rage.

Maybe next week I'll get a boom-box, a cooler, invite my boy Don Cornelius to Korea and hop on the Seoul Train.

Love from Seoul

Who speaks Korean in Korea?

2007-01-01T22:00:00.000+09:00

I know it's been awhile since I last posted, but when I updated to the new version of blogger, seeing that I listed my home as Seoul, South Korea it turned everything on my site into Korean. I've been trying to change the language in the options, but I can't figure out how. So as I am writing right now, my screen is full of Korean - everything except for the words I am typing. Who speaks Korean in Korea? Not me. Hopefully I'll figure out how to fix it so I can navigate through the site much easier and make my postings much easier.

Well, I guess New Years greetings are in order, so, "Happy New Year." I've decided that today on New Year's Day it would be a good time to reflect upon 2006 and recount some of the lessons I have learned from the year that we have left behind:

1. Lamar Hunt definitely went to Heaven. And I think there's a good chance he became good friends with the right people up there.

2. Asia is pretty wierd.

3. If I'm ever on a plane and it is full of snakes, I hope Samuel L. Jackson is also on that same plane.

4. Donald rumsfield is the best Secretary of Defense the US has ever seen. (Dick Cheney taught me that one)

5. Kimchi (pickeled cabbage) is a delicious snack. It is the dish of Korea and at first I was quite repulsed by it, but now I have grown quite accustomed to it and learned to love it.

6. Never take for granted the easy accessibility of good micro-brewed beers and quality whiskeys.

7. Never go hunting with Dick Cheney. In fact, if you're ever around anybody from the current administration and they have a gun, get the fuck out of there.

8. Screech Powers is a dirty, dirty man.

9. If the desire is there, you can have anything you want. For example, if you desire a grill in, I don't know, let's say South Korea, all you need is a bird cage, some tin foil and a strong desire for a taste of home.

10. There's no place like home (Kansas ain't that bad of a place to live after all!)

Happy New Years to all and here's to 2007!

Love from Seoul

The Reason for the Season

2006-12-25T21:24:00.000+09:00

(The following story did not actually happen. Well it did happen, but not exactly the way it is told. I have taken a few liberties, but you don't live in Seoul so you may never know the full truth. (okay, you'll probably be able to figure out what happened.)

I would also like to say that there are no alterations to these pictures. Although it may look like photoshop was used, a Jesus mask from the back of an AdBusters magazine was utilized to create this story.

Also, if you are offended by this story, remember that Jesus was a pretty cool cat. He did turn water into wine for a whole field of partiers, so I think he was probably a pretty laid back dude.)

Merry Christmas to all! We are only a few short hours away from the end of Christmas day here in Korea, but it was quite an eventful holiday. I have to work tomorrow, which shows how important the holiday is here in Korea - not very. The atmosphere today was lovely and moderately cheery, but not the day it is in America. Because of the lackidaisical attitude toward Jesus's birth in this country, he usually chooses to come to Seoul to kick it on his birthday - you know, keep a low profile. This year was no different, and fortunately for my friends and I, he decided to hang with us for the day.

Thanks to a Christmas package from my parents, I have a fully stocked array of KC barbecue rubs in my cupboard. I let Jesus pick his favorite spice to put on some beer-can chickens and he chose Arthur Bryant's poultry and fish rub - a good choice. I guess you should expect the guy whose dad created the universe to have a pretty sophisticated palate.

I seasoned up the birds and Jesus told some stories about the first century (or as he calls it "the good old days") and we all threw back a few cold ones. I asked Jesus what he usually does for Christmas and things got a little awkward. Being a jew, he celebrates Channukah (and coincidentally is a huge fan of the Adam Sandler song "The Channukah Song." He loves the line about OJ Simpson not being a jew.) He didn't realize our party was B.Y.O.M. (bring your own menorah) and was dissapointed to find that all we had was incense - no candles. We played with a little dradle he brought and watched the Borat movie (which he found hilarious - "an interesting critique in the form of parody on modern society and the xenophobia that exists within American culture." he said) and things turned out alright.

I think it's a little ironic that the first year of my life that I don't attend church on Christmas, Jesus visits my place and shares Christmas dinner with us. And truth be told, he was a pretty good guest. Jesus was a big fan of the beer-can chickens and enjoyed Korean beer. He even told me I was a better cook than his wife, Mary Magdalen, which I took as a high compliment. He said his favorite dish is a shrimp alfredo dish the chef from the Titanic cooks for him up in heaven, but he's had that on his birthday every year for almost the last hundred years or so, so he was glad to switch things up.

All in all it was a pretty good Christmas Day. I missed seeing friends and family in KC, especially all of the Wicinski family activities around Beau's house, but if you gotta spend a Christmas away from KC it may as well be with the company of Arthur Bryant and Jesus Christ.

Love and Merry Christmas from Seoul

Are You Ready for the Country?

2006-12-17T20:59:00.000+09:00

For the first time since I arrived in Seoul, I left the metropolitan area and headed south to the country. I went to a small town called Onyang where Atwood lives. It took about an hour and a half in a train to get there, but I felt like I was much further than just an hour away.

I didn't arrive until late Friday evening. We had a few drinks at one of his buddy's places and then headed to the WA Bar, a western bar that's real big over here. There happened to be a few Russians in the bar that decided to share some of their political views with us. The first opinion I heard was (in a Russian, James Bond villian-esque voice),"America, Fuck You!" Interesting point. There are 300 million of us, but I am totally okay with him grouping all Americans into one. He then continued by stating "Putin victorious," or something to that effect. Wow. It was a good conversation.

This first encounter was a good introduction to the town. I met a lot of cool people and had a stellar time, but there is a little different feel to the town. I felt like the locals were a little less open to outsiders. Walking around the city we got a lot of looks. In the train station there was an elderly man that looked me up and down, head to toe and then began talking to himself in Korean. I can only imagine what he was saying to himself (probably, "America, Fuck You!")

Saturday brought real nice December weather. It was a bit chilly, but good weather to go hiking through the hills/mountains that are Atwood's backyard. We explored the mountains and came across a bunch of Korean burial mounds. Some are marked with grave stones, but many are just large mounds that are well-groomed and placed in a small patch of the forest with no trees. After living in the great Northwoods of America for the last 5 summers, I feel at home when I'm surrounded by trees. Unfortunately, trees are about as easy to find in Seoul as condoms that fit an American man. It was really nice to be able to be away from the city and scamper through the woods for a while.

Saturday night, we went out for a grand Korean barbecue dinner. It was one of the best barbecue restaurants I have been to in Korea and a great way to start the evening. As we were finishing our first bottle of Soju, we noticed it had begun to snow. Big, fluffy, Christmas-y snowflakes. It was a fun night. We headed to the WA Bar after dinner and many people were outside standing in the snow, watching it come down. As the night went on there were many forays outdoors to throw snowballs or build snow-bunnies. There is some intrinsic cheer that comes with snow. It is calming and brings a smile to everyone's face. It was a welcome touch to my weekend to get to enjoy a snowfall during my excursion to the country.

When all was said and done, it was a pretty perfect weekend. I had a great time, didn't spend too much money and got to meet some new people that speak English.

When I got back to the train station in Seoul though, I had a weird feeling that I was home. I was back to where I live - my home. This was kind of a earth-shattering thought to have because until today I hadn't really thought of Seoul as my home, but more a place where there's an apartment that I can sleep in for free and a school that will pay me to speak my native tongue. But I have become accustomed to this city and its people and it was a good feeling to have to be home.

Love from Seoul

Korean Doppelgangers

2006-12-14T22:15:00.000+09:00

When I first arrived in this country, I must admit that felt as if I was in a sea of faces that were all the same. This city (and its surrounding area) has close to 23 million poeple. However, after a few months in Korea I have started to recognize certain people around town that I see on a regular basis and I constantly think I see other people I know, too.

As I walk through the city, I am sometimes forced to do double-takes because I see someone and I am sure I know them. Now, obviously being in my position it is very unlikely I do know the person I have just encountered on a street in Asia, but my natural, split-second reaction is "What is he/she doing here?" Usually something about their visage or the clothes they are wearing puts a certain thought in my head and for just an instant I think I see a friend. A few days ago I was 100% positive that I saw Larry Frarey in a subway station (true story, and since he's a world traveler it wouldn't be that unbelievable), but it wasn't him. I was also pretty sure I saw my grandma the other day, but it was an Asian instead. It doesn't take long to figure out that I was mistaken, but for a second I feel like I had a visitor from home.

Occasionally I will see somebody and it will make me laugh. I will see a forty-year-old Korean Matt Gold on the subway or a nine-year-old Korean Brett Lentz on the street corner. I will see a twenty-six-year old Korean Bob Hamelin or a fourteen-year-old Korean Ricki Lake. People I recognize are everywhere, only I don't really know them. It's kind of fun to go out exploring and see who I'll meet each day.

This might sound kind of weird, and to be honest, as I read back through this, it doesn't sound all that believable, but the experiences I have had have been shared with my co-workers. They will also see people from their "other life" here in Korea and be positive it is them if only for a few short seconds. There is something about being away from home and so far removed from all of your friends that makes you wish to see them in the strangest of places. I think as I am separated from people I have a vaguer sense of their physical traits and mannerisms, so an Asian substitute can momentarily convince me it is truly them; just somebody that resembles them is enough for me.

So if I see your Korean doppelganger tomorrow, I will make sure to give you a nod and say hello.

Love from Seoul

In Insadong

2006-12-10T22:36:00.000+09:00

I went Christmas shopping in Insadong all day today. It was quite tiring. Trying to shop for sisters is hard enough - I always feel a little out of my element in botiques that cater to high-school and college-aged girls - but shopping for them in Korea made me yearn for a Tiffany Town, Westport or Town Center. I did get the job done and took a few pictures while I was at it. I bought a Nikon Coolpix S8 camera yesterday and took out for a spin today.

The first photo I took is of a sculpture that was dedicated the week I arrived in Seoul. It was done by a Swedish-born, American artist. The sculpture marks the beginning of a long river that was one of the dirtiest and most polluted areas in Seoul (it used to be underground) but has been renovated and cleaned up. On a sunny day the riverwalk will be packed with people taking photos and enjoying the fountains that are part of the now clean river. This is one of the first areas in Seoul I discovered and it's one of my favorites. There are a lot of art galleries and restaurants around the river and it's a good place to spend an afternoon.

The second photo is a close-up of some of the ornate decorations on a palace. Insadong has many different palaces, but I was able to walk up close to this one and take a close-up photo of the ceiling.

The third is of a statue I found. The plaque in front of this statue was all in Korean and since I don't know Korean I have no clue who he was, but I liked the statue.

Today was my first attempt at using my camera. I'm still learning how to use it and figuring out all the features it has. I should be able to take some good pictures of the night life here and other interesting things as they happen. I'm excited to be able to share some images with everyone and if I can figure out how to post movies, things could get silly.

Love from Seoul

dong-dong-ju

2006-12-10T02:29:00.000+09:00

Last night I had an authentically Korean evening. Along with four of my fellow teachers, I went to a barbecue restaurant down the street and ate galbi. Galbi is some of the best meat you can buy. It is pork rib meat that comes marinated. In addition to having good meat, this place has the best kimchi in Korea. Every place serves kimchi (pickled cabbage - THE dish of Korea) but I usually just push it to the side and eat the main course. This place serves a spicy and flavorful kimchi that hits me just right. The Korean barbecue restaurant experience is something I have come to love. Dinner was absolutely fantastic and proved to be a great start to our evening.

Next, we headed to a place right by our apartment. We have had a running joke that this restaurant sells dog, because it has an outward appearance of being very rustic. It is actually a traditional Korean Hof (bar) where they serve nothing but traditional Korean fare (no dog though.) We were full so we weren't eating, but we were drinking. We tried to order beer and soju, but neither were served at this place. We ordered a traditional drink called dong-dong-ju which is a perfect mix of egg nog and chicken soup. They bring you a pitcher of the alcohol in a vase-looking pitcher and they give you little soup cups to sip out of. When we first walked into the restaurant I saw others drinking dong-dong-ju and I assumed they were sipping soup. It is high in alcohol, and it did the trick. I was pretty much blacked out by the time we left the joint. This place had a real cool vibe. The walls are covered in what might appear to be ornate ancient Asian paintings, but each one is covered from top to bottom with signatures and quotes left by former customers (reminiscent of the Jazz or the Wheel.) It is a cool college hangout that ended up being one of the coolest places I have visited in Seoul. It was really nice being in a place that was so hip and so authentically Korean.

I bought a camera today, so I will be adding pictures to document my stay here as soon as I can. I plan on taking the camera out onto Seoul tomorrow and should have some photos published by tomorrow evening.

Love from Seoul

Short Notes and Anecdotes from Seoul

2006-12-08T00:33:00.000+09:00

As I approach my three-month mark here in Korea, I thought I would share some short stories and little observations from my experiences here in Seoul:

one
I went to T.G.I.Fridays with some friends a few weeks ago and felt like I was right back in my element. Dinner was alright and I got kind of drunk. At the end of the meal I headed to the bathroom to use the facilities before we left. A lot of bathrooms around here have weird components to them which make me feel like I am in some foriegn land (imagine that), but this bathroom whisked me back to a bathroom I once knew at the Ward Parkway mall. Everything, including the toilets, reeked of America. I went to wash my hands, but the soap was really watery. I tried to work up a lather on my hands, but it was impossible with a soap so watery. When I felt like I had sufficiently cleansed my hands, I dried them off and then started to walk out of the bathroom. This is when I began to smell a wintery fresh smell coming from my hands. I returned to the sink to realize that I had covered my hands with the complimentary mouthwash and missed the soap altogether, even though it was clearly labeled "SOAP" in English.

two
This week was the second time that a student has accused me of being a Harvard graduate. The kids in my classes equate my knowledge of the English language with all-around intelligence - and I do not tell them that are wrong. There's a crazy contrast between the way I feel inside the walls of my school (intelligent, in control, able to talk to everyone around me) and the way I feel on the streets of Seoul (dumb, not in control, unable to talk to anyone around me.)

three
I have been able to debunk a lot of Asian stereotypes in my time here, but there is one that has actually been strengthened in my mind: Asians are fucking terrible drivers.

four
The word "salsa" is incredibly similar to a word in Korean that means diarrhea. So if you ever find yourself in a Korean-Mexican restaurant, be very careful when ordering chips and salsa. Maybe just ask for the CCQ dip.

five
I know I've already devoted a whole writing to the weird TV you find over here, but I have found a channel that is almost more baffling than anything else I've seen. It's a video game channel where games like Doom and Warcraft are played out on your screen. They will sometimes cut to the players playing the games on a stage in an auditorium full of nerds. The video games are accompanied by excitable announcers who explain everything that is happening. It provides all the excitement of playing video games without all of the pesky finger exercise involved. It's too bad there's no weed over here because it seems like it would be the ultimate way to play video games stoned - both hands stay free to munch on Cheetos.

I get paid tomorrow and plan on buying a digital camera. Hopefully, the next time I post it will be accompanied by some photos from around town.

Love from Seoul

Beauty and the East

2006-11-29T12:53:00.000+09:00

Beauty is a relative thing. What is considered beautiful in one place may be considered ugly in another, but most of us were brought up to believe that what is on the inside is what matters most.

For centuries people have tried to augment their outward appearance. Whether they have done it with minor measures (makeup, wearing stripes to look skinny) or with drastic measures (see Michael Jackson) people have tried to make themselves more beautiful. Plastic surgery is kind of a big thing in South Korea, but there is one surgery that just baffles me: eye surgery.

For the first few weeks I was here I didn't notice it, but after it was pointed out to me, I started to notice it everywhere. Girls get eye surgery to make their eyes look more open, giving their face a more European or American look. Most of the models in advertisements on the subway and on the street have clearly had the surgery, so the standard has been set - you are not a truly beautiful Korean unless you don't look like one. What a fucked up mentality.

I have decided to protest this surgery I am going to have surgery to close my eyes and make them look more Korean. I'm not sure how the surgery works, but I'm sure it is expensive so I will have to wait until I have saved up enough money. I will change nothing about my personality or other physical appearances, just my eyes. I guess my other option is getting surgery to open my eyes even further, making me look like some kind of surprised cartoon character.

I don't like it when people pretend to be something they aren't (see Ted Haggard.) One pleasant thing about my journey to Korea is the chance I have gotten to see myself adapt to totally new people, both of a new culture and from my own. Starting anew somewhere gives one the chance to augment their personality for the better and I am proud to say, I am pretty much the same over here as I am in the States. I guess that means I'm pretty happy with what's inside. Now I've just got to get a tummy tuck, some butt implants, a boob job and that eye surgery.

Love from Seoul

Caw Caw

2006-11-26T23:46:00.000+09:00

I can say, without fear of hyperbole, that today was one of the best days of my life.

I woke up and bought a cup of Starbucks coffee, a few donuts and cleaned up the apartment. When that was done I read for about an hour, took a shower and then turned on the KU pregame show for the Florida game. I find it somewhat redundant to explain the next few hours of my day as I watched the KU game to those of you that got to see the game, but to those of you that did not I can say only one thing: Fuck Yeah! It was one of the better games I have watched in my lifetime and ended the best way I could have hoped (well, maybe it should have ended in regulation, but beating the number one team in the country is never a bad thing.) My beloved Jayhawks looked like the best team in the land for 45 minutes of action and I could not have been happier for that game to be the first game I get to see of the season. My only regret is not being around more 'Hawks fans, but it was a great taste of home to get to see the boys win a game of such magnitude. Little did I know, that would not be the only taste of home I would have this day.

Within a half hour of the game ending (after an obligatory phone call to the old roomies after a win like that) I headed downstairs to fire up the birdcage to cook a turkey for a belated Thanksgiving feast. There were a lot of question marks involved with the cooking of a turkey in a bird cage, but one thing was for certain: I was going to use a whole bottle of Jack Stack all-purpose rub that Fred sent over to season the 12-pound bird. The bird was placed on a large fruit cocktail can full of Hite Prime ( a local brew), for there isn't a single beer can in Korea that could support a bird that size. The turkey cooked for over three hours and throughout the cooking process hunched a little bit to the side, but the final product was unquestionably one of the best turkeys I have ever eaten - the outside was flavorful and the inside was moist - it tasted a lot like freedom. To the turkey we added Stove Top stuffing that was sent over from Vermont, corn, broccoli, carrots, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and an ice cream pie from Baskin Robbins for dessert. Although it is an American holiday, I sat around a table with friends from all over the world: Canada, Norway, Kentucky and Korea. It was a great way to celebrate Thanksgiving (even though the dirty Kentuckian was there) and a good time was had by all. I had an uncontrollable smile for most of the meal and was so thankful to be sitting around a table with such good people. I think my friend John put it best when he said, "A Thanksgiving dinner like this in Korea is like getting a glass of ice water in hell."

The dinner could not have turned out better and the game could not have turned out better. To top it all of I hit a double eagle and a hole in one to win a round of Tiger Woods golf on PS2 and found a grocery store that sells Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Finally Korea has lived up to its moniker: the Land of Miracles. If things keep going like this, I don't think I'll ever make it home...

Love from Seoul

(keep checking back - I'll post photos of the ordeal as soon as they're e-mailed to me)

Happy (real) Thanksgiving!

2006-11-24T01:43:00.000+09:00

As most of you know, I live in the future. Thanksgiving has already come to a close in Korea although it is just beginning in the States. I left work at 9:00pm and headed straight for a place called "Outback Steakhouse." "Outback Steakhouse" is a crazy Korean restaurant in Seoul that sells steaks and has a wacky Australian theme with Koala crossing signs on the wall and Australian lingo on the menu - only in Korea, huh?

I ordered a steak and bottle of wine from my waiter (he is "my waiter" - I have been to Outback many times and he is the only waiter that speaks fluent English) and enjoyed the Korean version of a Thanksgiving feast. I tried to explain that today is a big holiday in America, so to appease my holiday wishes he brought me a complimentary plate of Korean made pickles, which were terrible. I sat at a table alone listening to an old Jerry Garcia show ("walking alone in the mission, in the rain") as I enjoyed a delicious steak and bottle of wine. It wasn't the same as an American Thanksgiving feast, but it was quite enjoyable. I couldn't help but be a little homesick, but at the same time I was incredibly thankful for the life I am living: I live in a great city with a great job and great friends back home that are missing me greatly (right?...right?) I walked out of the restaurant with a smile on my face and a full belly realizing that as far away from Kansas City as I get, and even though I am not physically there, I am still there in spirit. When the lights come on, my smile should be present in each and every one of your thoughts, for the lights represent the soul of Kansas City and the Seoul of Kansas City lives inside me. I wish I was there to spend this time with all of you, but for now that is impossible. Wishing I was there and wishing this city had more Christmas lights...

Happy Turkey Day to all, and to all a good night...

Love from Seoul

Strippers With Benefits

2006-11-21T12:04:00.000+09:00

I ventured to Itaewon with a few friends this weekend to check out what had been advertised as a "New Live Music Bar!" Apparently in this country, "New" means old, "Live" means loud and "Music Bar" denotes a place where shitty music is played. However, I think we can all agree that "New Live Music Bar" is much more appealing than "Old Loud Place Where Shitty Music is Played" - it definitely doesn't roll off the toungue as smoothly. As much as the band sucked, the bar was okay and it happened to be in a part of town I have been curious to visit: an area affectionately called Hooker Hill.

Hooker Hill isn't too flashy; it's surprisingly low-key. There are other bars, restaurants and convenience stores intermingled with other store fronts in which friendly females sit by the door smiling, hoping you will enter and have a drink. What nice girls. I was quite surprised by the area. I have heard stories of Hooker Hill, and I guess in my mind I had always pictured something similar to the neighborhood in Sin City where the prostitutes control the land with swords and the police dare not go. Instead, I found something much more similar to the situation in Full Metal Jacket where the ladies confront you in a non-chalant manner and offer to love you long time.

The girls all seemed genuinely interested in me. I haven't found the Korean ladies to be all that into big hairy white guys, but these girls saw something special in my pants (my wallet.) As most of you know, I am both polite and a gentleman so I went out of my way to allow some of them to come on to me. I played dumb and told them that indeed I did enjoy sex and had lots of money - and then promptly continued walking. I told one that I hoped to make a "sexy-time explosion inside her," but then walked away asking my buddies for "high five okay."

Many of the stores had their own Korean Hugh Hefner's. While one of my friends made a call on his cell phone, a man approached us wearing a silk robe and slippers and coyly smiled at us and pointed his eyes in the direction of an unattractive thirty-something standing in the doorway. Unfortunately for him, our answer we gave with our laughter was: not sober, not drunk, not even if it was free. Either way, it was great to see that Hugh has been such a solid role model for generations of Korean pimps.

Now I know the question that's on all of your minds (at least Tom's) is "Did you?" The answer is no - and I don't really plan on it. Maybe after I've been here longer and become a little more like Kim Jong Il ("I'm so ronery") I might make the trek, but for now, it seems a little bit too weird to pay for it. There's enough people in this city that it seems like I should be able to find somebody to sleep with me without an exchange of currency. And if that doesn't work, there's always the internet to keep me busy...

Love from Seoul

English

2006-11-15T22:19:00.000+09:00

Talking on the phone with friends and family recently, I realized how awkward my converstation skills have become. I spend a lot of time alone, and when I'm not alone I am usually conversing with Korean children whose English skills are less than stellar. I thought I would share an example of an actual conversation I had with a Korean man that works at my school that speaks limited English to help you understand both how limited my English usage is and the kind of conversations that fill my days here in Korea.

(The following takes place on the cement paddock that sits behind my school. I was on a break and smoking a cigarette as was my coworker. There was a harsh cold wind blowing as we both sucked down our smokes as quickly as we could)

Me: It's cold.

Coworker: Cold?

Me: The weather. The weather is cold.

Coworker: Ahh...Cold.

Me: It is nice. Not hot.

Coworker: Nice?

Me: I like cold. (patting my stomach) Fat man likes cold - no sweat.

Coworker: (laughing)

(At this point I flick my cigarette down towards the back of an apartment building. I regularly aim for this slab of concrete that is inside a large metal cage - today I nailed it and was quite proud of myself)

Coworker: Gas! That gas! (followed by laughter)

Was he serious? The laughter told me that it was either a joke or he found it hilarious that I had possibly just set into motion a series of events that may lead to the school exploding or burning down. To be on the safe side, I don't think I will be aiming for that slab of concrete anymore. Encounters like this one happen all the time. I use a limited amount of English and body language to get across a thought or idea and leave the conversation terrified that I may be blowing up a school (or disgracing an ancient custom or simply coming across as an asshole).

This last weekend I began working out of a book titled "Survival Korean" and I learned the first set of characters. I am excited to learn to read the weird code that everything is written in in this country. If I can start to speak just simple sayings, I feel like I could become a much more effective citizen. And hell, if it helps me get a little ass, that wouldn't be bad either.

Love from Seoul

Sunday - Two Parts

2006-11-13T00:22:00.000+09:00

My alarm went off at 9:15am this morning and I woke up to listen to the KU game. It was a great way for the team to start their season and a great way for me to start my day. Today was a good one. I have two things to share tonight, please enjoy (hell yes).

Part One - A Story

With two of my fellow co-teachers, I went to Costco today. The store itself was two stories of pure bulk-item deals, with some American foods I haven't seen since I left the States (like "real" processed Kraft cheese slices). It really made me feel like I was at home in the capital of capitalism. As sweet as Costco was, what I would like to share with you is the story of the journey there.

To get to Costco you have to take a short subway ride and then hail a cab and have it drive you up a large hill. We had no idea where Costco was, but the procedure to get there had been explained to us: you are supposed to hail a cab outside of the subway station and ask to be taken to E-Mart (which happens to be right next to Costco), Korea's version of Target. If you ask a cabby to take you to Costco, they will take you to a popular apartment complex that in Korean sounds like "Bosco." We left the subway station and began trying to hail a cab. This proved to be almost impossible on this busy Sunday afternoon. Plus, hailing a cab for three scraggly white kids in Seoul is not an easy task on a not-so-busy day. After fifteen fruitless minutes of waiting at a cab stand, we decided to start walking in a different direction on the other side of the street, hoping we could find an empty cab. As we were walking away from the cab stand, I noticed a couple of white kids walking the other direction who we almost asked for directions, but we decided to just keep crossing the street and hope for the best. We finally got a cab to agree to take us. It was an old man who was an abnormally agressive driver - and to point out that a driver in this country is abnormally agressive is like pointing out the 450 lb. man who just went back for sixths at the all-you-can eat Shoney's is overweight - it's probably not necessary and it could be a little rude. The guy took us there in a roundabout way (we found that out when a different driver took us back a totally different way) and was driving somewhat more like a maniac than most other drivers in this country. After we'd been in his cab for around twenty minutes we got stuck in a traffic jam. Cars weren't moving around us, and neither were we until our cabby got distracted with one of the gauges and took some pressure off the brake. Finally, our car started moving, but unfortunately the car in front of us had not. We slammed into the car in front of us and our driver started laughing. Allow me to repeat: We got into a wreck in the middle of a traffic jam and our driver started laughing. The woman he hit was being quite polite until he started motioning to the back of her car and presumedly saying, "your car looks alright...so I'll just be on my way." He got back in the car like he was ready to drive off and she became livid. We threw money onto the console and got the hell out of there. We walked the rest of the way. As we were grabbing a cart, I couldn't help but notice the two white kids we were going to ask for directions over a half hour earlier were walking into Costco ahead of us.

The lesson here is twofold. Walk whenever it is an option and never, ever, for any reason get in a car that is driven by a Korean. Lessons learned.

Part Two - An Expensive Habit

I've picked up an expensive habit over here. Not meth. Not kimchi. Not even Korean whores. Instead, I have been reading books all the time. The problem is, English books are quite expensive over here. For example I went and bought Steve Martin's "Shopgirl" and read the whole thing tonight. Last Sunday I read "Choke" by Chuck Palahniuk. It would have honestly been cheaper for me to buy a bottle of liquor and six liters of beer at the local convenience store than to buy "Choke" - and it only lasted me one night.

When I was younger I used to read all the time. Reading is a much neglected pastime of mine, and I am glad to return to it. With all the free time I have, I find reading to be a good use of my time and I've already read a couple real good books. To give a little perspective on my reading habit, this summer at camp I read about 100 pages of one book. A few weeks ago I read "1984" by George Orwell in about three days. My next goal is to find more used bookstores around this city. I'm complaining because it's expensive, but it is delightful to have so much extra time to commit to reading. Dare I say, I think it may even be good for the Seoul.

(Okay, I halfway apologize for all of the cheesy puns with the word Seoul, but it's such a nice way to bring everything full circle, and with all the time on my hands, I devote at least thirty minutes of each day to "cheesy pun creation." I'll get tired of them soon and stop, but for now you're just going to have to live with them.)

Love from Seoul

A Seoulful Day

2006-11-08T00:02:00.000+09:00

I felt really Korean today.

My day started with a little paperwork around my apartment and then I got this crazy craving for some bibimbap. Bibimbap is a dish that is served in a large bowl with all of the different ingredients presented in an array reminiscent of a pie chart. There is rice, carrots, some kind of delicous green squash (but not a zuchinni), seaweed, and lots of other vegetables, all with a sunny side egg on top. You add a hot pepper paste to the mix and mash the whole dish together. It is tasty, spicy and hearty. It's all served for a little less than $3.oo. It's the first time since I arrived in this country that I walked out of my apartment dead set on some Korean cuisine. Sure, I've eaten many a Korean meal, but I always happen into them - today was the first time I made a B-line straight for the Korean food and knew I wouldn't be satisfied until I had some. In case you were wondering, it was fucking good.

After lunch, I headed to the local Wooribank. It is a Korean bank that has a branch right by my apartment and one by the school I work at. I lined up a Korean bank account, acquired a bank card and deposited a bunch of money. Come payday this Friday my school will be direct-depositing a couple million Korean won in my account. If you know the exchange rate (100,000 won = one Korean whore), it's not that impressive, but it will still make me an official Korean baller. Life is good.

I've become increasingly more comfortable in the past few weeks. I feel fully acclimated to my suroundings and feel like I understand my job a lot better, the culture a little more and the language none - but I don't care anymore!

I'm already anticipating a little homesickness come Thanksgiving. Let's face it, Thanksgiving is a holiday made for fat kids and KFC will be a lackluster replacement for an American Thanksgiving feast. Also, I haven't missed a Plaza lighting ceremony in KC in over ten years. To prepare to battle my homesickness, I have bought a new lamp, but I haven't turned it on yet. I will simultaneously be lighting one light here in Seoul on Thanksgiving at the same time as the Plaza lights will come on to have my own little celebration. I think it will be special.

Love from Seoul

Beer-Can Seoul Style

2006-11-04T02:51:00.000+09:00

Today could not have turned out better. I woke up to listen to the 'Hawks game on the radio, and found that the website I have paid to offer me up a radio feed is also offering. a video feed for the preseason games. Not only did I get to listen to the game, but it was also synched up with a video feed straight from Allen Field House. Good shit.

My struggle to cook beer-can chickens for dinner lasted all day, but ended up more successfully than I ever could have hoped. The contraption that you are looking at above is a MacGyver-esque piece of barbecue fantasy that could only be put together in Korea. The base of the grill is a small half barrel bought at the grocery store down the street. I don't think people buy their grills very often. The packed grocer had three grills stacked on top of eachother and the top grill was filled with fly swatters and hangers - I almost missed it. We also bought a grilling rack which you can see sticking out from underneath the cover. The cover is the top of a bird cage I bought in the market by the school I work at. I got some crazy looks from people on the subway while I was holding a large, empty bird cage. The top of the bird cage is surrounded with aluminium foil (I found it quite apropos to use a bird cage to house my beer-can chickens.) With a little foil to fill the holes in the spaces between the lid and the grill, the whole cooking device worked perfectly. The chickens were insanely good and made me feel like I wasn't living in a country full of rice and bean paste.

As if life could not get any better, the mix I've been trying to post on iTunes has finally been posted. They initially had some problems with me mentioning the name of the Ween song, "Let Me Lick Your Pussy," but after I removed that title, it has been published after a few different tries. The funny thing is they have labeled "Where'd the Cheese Go" by Ween as explicit while not labeling the less offensive "L.M.L.Y.P." explicit, even though the lyrics are so dirty they make the new Screech porno look clean.

Go to itunes, click on Music along the left panel, then click iMix and enter Seoul double-I (really "Seoul II"). It's a tasty mix of funky grooves sure to delight.

Love from Seoul

TGIF

2006-11-02T23:18:00.000+09:00

I haven't looked forward to day more than tomorrow since I've been here. My day will begin with my alrm going off at 10:00 am to listen to the first Jayhawks basketball game of the season. No Max, but Bob will be here with me in Seoul, as well as Bill and the boys, which will be quite enough. I look forward to a solid showing and I think we're going to get to see (or in my case hear) a lot of the freshmen with both CJ and Sasha out of the line up.

After the game I will head to school. Tomorrow will be the shortest day I have worked at my school and will become my regular Friday schedule. I will got in at 3:00 and leave at 7:30, with a 55-minute break right in the middle. On my way home I plan on picking up a whole chicken and some cans of beer (do you see where I'm going with this?) and try my first shot at beer-can chicken in Korea. I found a small grill at the grocery store down the street from my place and we're going to fire it up in the alley by our apartment. The grill doesn't have a lid, so some improvisation will be needed to make it all work, but I'm confident that by the end of the night my mouth will be whisked back to the barbecue Mecca that is Kansas City. I wish I had some Boulevards to accompany the feast, but beggars can't be choosers.

Wish me luck. There will be more to come and hopefully pictures after tomorrow.

Beak 'Em 'Hawks!

Love from Seoul

Boob Tube

2006-10-30T23:50:00.001+09:00

TV over here is weird. Not just because it is all in Korean, to be honest that's the most normal thing about it.

First, decency rules: This one halway makes sense, but still baffles me. When a show is on in English, they are allowed to use virtually any language they want. Movies from America and England are allowed to contain all of the original language. However, I have seen many occurences where the Korean translation on the bottom of the screen omits the cursing. Not as blatant as F*#@, but there are holes or dashes where one might expect to find the Korean word for Fuck. Apparently, someone who speaks English can handle crude language, but if you speak Korean your ears are to fragile to be exposed to this vulgarity.

Nudity is shown quite often. I've seen some crazy more-hardcore-than-Cinemax stuff on TV here - and I just have basic cable. They always blur out the below the belt shots, but the content can be pretty explicit. Believe it or not, this doesn't really bother me. What's weird about it is that although sexuality is openly shown in all of its rawest forms, other things can't be seen. Entourage is on all the time over here. In an episode I was recently watching, the boys went to a gentleman's establishment where they cursed up a storm and received lapdances from some young women. When they were finished, they went back home and fired up the bong - at least I think that's what they were doing. There was a mosaic placed over the bowl and lighter, like the mere sight of a roasting bowl is too much for the masses to handle, but strip clubs in all of their glory (or non-glory) are totally acceptable. It seems to me like most people who don't know what they are looking at might assume that behind that mosaic is a large crack pipe or a something even worse. I found it very odd. Before I saw that I felt like anything goes on TV, but after that I feel like I don't fully understand what is acceptable in this country. It seems to me like a wierd place to draw the line of decency.

Second, programming: Probably my favorite show on Korean TV is a show (I don't know what it's called because it is in Korean) is a show where there are two contestants, I think usually the same two, that try to train their monkey to do certain things. It may sound like I'm referring to something dirty and vulgar here, but they literally train monkeys. Weird tasks, like collecting eggs and bringing them back to their trainers or doing activities in a classroom on a mini-bike and then they are awarded points based on how well they do. The monkeys are those weird little helper monkeys, and they're pretty smart. If a monkey can understand what is going on in the show, I figure I should be able to at least follow some of it. It's this chubby unlikaeable guy training one monkey and a cute twenty-something girl training the other. I root for her and her monkey and they usually win - I think it's fixed. I've been trying to find a back alley bookie that will take bets on their monkey competitions, but so far I have been unable to find one.

I also really like Korean commercials. Some of my favorites, no matter how many times I watch them I have no idea what they are actually for. I'm also real into some of the cheesy television personalities that truly are beyond description (think that Hap Hazard guy from KC, with a Korean flair). There's a guy for Lotto that smiles so big I think he shoots botox directly in his face before each commercial shoot and there's a guy that advertises for some restaurant that seems to sell every kind of food, and he shoves it all in his mouth close up. Soju commercials are Korea's answer to the American beer commercial. They are ridiculous and make people's lives look so much better after they drink a little bit, even though Soju is Korea's answer to old Europe's wormwood absinthe, only more poisonous and less fun.

There is another program that really makes me wish I understood Korean. It is a kind of soap opera that is huge in this country. It takes place in an old oriental village, maybe Korea, maybe elsewhere. There is heavy drama and the citizens of this city are captivated by it. Right after the initial Kim Jong Il scare a few weeks ago I was walking through a subway station right south of where I live (Sadang). There happens to be a few large TV's right in the middle of the station where people are always watching while they wait for trains. There was a huge crowd assembled around a one of the TV's. Everyone in the crowd had real somber looks on their faces and were intently watching the screen. I was convinced when I turned the corner that I would see an announcement that WWIII had just begun. Instead, one of the main characters was in a casket as a younger man with an equally fake beard eulogized him. My first exposure to this show and it's power was in a small chicken restaurant with one of my fellow teachers. We were sat right below a TV. At first I thought the whole restaurant was staring open-mouthed at the white kids in the corner, but then I realized everyone, from the cooks peeking out of the kitchen to the college-aged kids right next to us were staring at the boob tube.

It seems that even though I may not understand the language on the TV, I do understand the language of TV. Allow me to quote Homer Simpson:

"Television. Teacher, mother, secret lover."

The Simpson's are in in five minutes (I'm not kidding) I gotta go.

Love from Seoul

Oh, Friends of Mine

2006-10-29T00:42:00.000+09:00

I have come to the realization tonight that the world continues to spin even though I am far away from all the people I care about.

Jeff, Al and Andy are in Chicago with Kel, Beau continues to try to turn lemons into lemonade in KC, Dave is back in San Francisco after sending me to this upside down country, Ediger is in Hawaii dealing with earthquakes, Bridget, Roland and many others are hanging in KC, Nicole is in Dallas and I haven't seen her in years, camp people are all over the world, Wysong and his wife just had a beautiful baby girl (I haven't seen her, but c'mon), Zach is doing college to the extreme and is close to being someone who helps a lot of people in this world, Tom is in Emporia, Sam is in D.C., Mel is in Colombia, Tanner's got a life of his own with a wife and daughter, there are many people still in Lawrence, Ted Francis is God knows where, little Mikey Warner is living it up in Oregon with Dan and Porter's there too as well as Lentz, Huggins is in Honduras, and I'm in Seoul as far as I could be from everybody.

I came to this country to find myself and make a little money. The more I'm here the more I realize the friends I have made in my life are what matter the most to me. Please don't take this as a plea to come home or a signal of homesickness. I absolutely love my life in South Korea, but distance gives one perspective, and I've begun to realize how special my friends are. I guess I feel like I'm so far away that I am a little out of the loop. The only time I've cried in the last six years is when I learned that Lisa died - I knew the pain that was being felt by my good friends Beau and Zach and I wanted nothing more than to be at their side and I knew that was impossible. I feel now that I am so far away that not only can I not take part in others' bad times but I cannot take part in people's joy, indifference or lives in general.

My friends are always what have mattered the most to me, but now that I live literally half a world away from everybody I realize that they are what make me whole. I have learned that I am a strong person in South Korea. I have survived (quite succesfully if might say so myself) in a strange land and feel confident in the person that I am. A little boy sat in his bedroom in Kansas and wondered what he would become, and he is proud of where his life has taken him and the person he is, but he would be nothing without the people that helped shaped the person he became. Although this is kind of weak, this is a thank you to all of you that were part of this process.

I can't wait for the adventures that await me here in Seoul, but at the same time, I can't help but be excited about returning to the States to see all of you.

Sorry to get little cheesy, but I haven't got laid in a long long time and that leads to existential thinking.

Love from Seoul

p.s.- The picture above was taken in the A.M. in the great city of Prairie Village, KS. Pre-season basketball starts in five days - Go Hawks!

p.p.s.- I miss all of you, Hawks fans or otherwise.

Static

2006-10-25T01:03:00.000+09:00

I am surrounded by people in this city. Everywhere I go I can hear people talking. From the conversations old women are having at the bakery to the heated argument outside my window at 2:30 am last night, it is hard to escape the chatter of the many Korean people that inhabit this small area. The good thing for me is I don't speak Korean, so I never really "listen" to conversations, I just hear them. It's like somebody left the TV on in this country, but it's not quite tuned into the channel. I can see the body language and hear noise, but I'm never quite sure the exact meaning of a conversation.

I didn't realize what an advantage this was until I was riding on the subway lost in my own thoughts the other day when two American girls about my age got on the subway. It is rare that I see fellow country-persons, so I said hello and they said hi back. We exchanged pleasentries, and then I put my iPod headphones back on and went back to my thoughts. The two girls were talking loud enough that I could hear them over the music on my headphones, just like I can usually hear Koreans' conversations over the music, but this time my brain started listening to the conversation. They were discussing a foot lotion they have found in Seoul. You can't find it in the States and it's great. "Does it smell good?" "Oh my God, yes." How much was it?" It was like 20,000 won but it's totally worth it." "I would pay twice that to make the skin on my feet less dry." You get the picture. I realized I have probably heard this conversation in many different forms on the subway, but this was the first time I actually had to listen to it. I wanted to change the channel, but they were the only English speakers in the train and my brain has been yearning for spontaneous English chatter so much that I couldn't tune them out.

Obviously, there are times when I wish I could understand what people are trying to say, but I'm a glass-half-full kind of guy. I don't mind being left alone with my thoughts most of the time I'm in public. I think it gives me a better opportunity to take in my surroundings for what they are and not have to listen to the little bullshit conversations that surround me.

I gotta go. There's this store on the other side of Seoul that sells this great foot lotion. I'm going to pick some up.

Love from Seoul

Mallrats

2006-10-23T01:21:00.000+09:00

It has been raining ever since I woke up today. I didn't wake up until 1:30 in the afternoon, but still, c'mon. So with the outdoors being wet and chilly and a full Sunday with nothing to do, I decided to head indoors to a huge Korean mall with a friend.

The mall was so big that there was a Jackie's Kitchen (Jackie Chan's restaurant) by the door when we walked in and another one at the other end of the mall. There were two food courts, 16 movie theaters, and hundreds of flashing lights all over the mall. I totally experienced sensory overload when we first got there. There were people and lights and music everywhere. I felt like I was on drugs. There were also a bunch of convenience stores throughout the mall. How convenient. We walked in circles for a couple hours and we still didn't cover the whole mall. Coex is known for their aquarium and we never even saw it. Not only was there an extremely large and loud arcade, but there are projectors on the ceiling pointing down at different points in the mall where it is sensitive to motion and you can play video games with your feet -you can play soccer, go bowling or play frogger. Pretty sweet. I haven't has so much fun in a mall since I was 12. The best part is that it's all underground so if there is a nuclear attack, I just found my bunker.

Before I sign off, I want to comment on my night last night and one of the really cool things about being in Korea. Towards the end of the night I ended up at a cool bar called Bricx (Bricks) in an area called Itaewon. Itaewon kind of gets a bad wrap because a lot of US soldiers hang out there and it's a real Americanized area. At the bar, we sat down on some couches with some girls and some other guys and girls we didn't know joined us. I was sitting around a table with another guy from Kansas, a girl from Minnesota, an Indian girl whose family lives in Canada, a girl from San Francisco and her Korean boyfriend named Kyle, another girl from Canada and her boyfriend from Iran. I like the fact that I'm getting a healthy dose of Korean culture, but the sweet thing is I'm being exposed to people from all over the world that I get to converse with as well. It's amazing how much I have in common with people that come from such different walks of life. We all know that you can't judge someone just by their looks, but meeting people in this setting is allowing me to be exposed to many different points of view. I have also learned that stereotypes are totally useless. The most racist person I've met since I've been here was Canadian. Fucking Canadians.

It's been 13 days since North Korea tested nuclear weapons. Thanks Condoleezza!

Love from Seoul

If a Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Here's 4,000 Words

2006-10-15T16:02:00.000+09:00

I just got a couple pics - thought I might share them with you.
The first is from a Korean barbecue restaurant I went to with all the teachers after the speech competition at our school. We are sitting on the floor - not as comfortable as you may think. The green bottles are Soju. I'm not sure exactly what Soju means in Korean, but if I had guess I would guess it means, "shitty vodka." It's the liquor of Korea and when drunk in copius amounts it will make you go crazy and give you an insane hangover the next day. Go Korea!
The second picture is of me and two of the other foreign teachers, Dee from Vermont and Deidre from South Africa.
The third is a picture of me on my first night here. I had been awake for well over 24 hours. Some of the teachers took me out to dinner and drinks then we went a commons area at the university that is right by our apartments and continued drinking there. I was pretty dis"orient"ed. I was totally out of it and getting my first exposure to the Korean people. What was he talking about? Your guess is as good as mine.
The fourth is me with two of the Korean teachers from my school, Neo and Joy. Good people.
Hopefully there will be more to come as soon as I get a camera of my own.
It's been six days since the North has tested nuclear bombs - things are looking up.

Love from Seoul

Foreign Relations

2006-10-14T04:14:00.000+09:00

Up to this point I have only discussed some of the negative aspects of living in Seoul as an outsider - I think it is time a brighten this blog up and share some of the upsides of being a foreigner.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and checked my e-mail, put on some tunes and got ready to face the day when suddenly there was a knock on my door. I walked the five feet across my apartment and opened the door to find a woman about my age standing there with a smile. She was a warm woman who seemed like she wanted to tell me something. She muttered some words in Korean and smiled. I smiled back and said, "I speak English. I don't know what you are saying." She reached into her bag and pulled out a Bible. I realized that she wanted to spread the good Word. As much as I wanted to invite her in for a coffee and a talk about why I'm going to hell, the language barrier meant this could never happen. I pointed to her Bible and gave a thumbs up. She was still smiling and expecting me to see the light, so I quoted one of the premier bands of the 70's and 80's, the Doobie Brothers and said, "Jesus is just all right with me," and closed the door in her face. Being foreign isn't always bad.

You know those people on the street that hand out flyers. Allow me to quote the late great Mitch Hedberg: "When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying, 'here, you throw this away.'" There are tons of these flyer-hander-outers in Seoul. I saw two women the other day pretty much guarding the subway exit forcing every person that walked by to take one. As I approached, they both looked at the ground and pretended like I wasn't there. No one ever gives me flyers. I don't know if they assume I won't be able to understand it or it's just bad publicity to have your flyer seen in the hands of a foreigner, but I never have to deal with it. I am immune to the street advertisement guerillas. Good thing too, because there aren't very many trash cans in Seoul.

Life is good for a foreigner here in Seoul. Sure, there are times where I wish I understood my surroundings a little better and wish I was more in the "in" crowd, but I don't think there is anything wrong with finding the benefits of being an outsider and exploiting them. Now I've just got to find a Korean woman who can't resist my exotic Kansas accent...

Love from Seoul

Preparing for WWIII

2006-10-11T22:39:00.000+09:00

So, I've been watching lots of CNN lately; it's one of the only English channels I have. They have been talking a lot about the Korean peninsula which happens to be where I'm living. They are showing a lot of footage of protesters in Seoul burning pictures of Kim Jong Il and North Korean flags and juxtaposing that with file footage of the North Korean military 'goosestepping' around the North and really old footage of scientists in labs apparently building nuclear weapons. It's starting to kind of freak me out.

I have come to the realization that if North Korea decides to attack South Korea, they will head straight for Seoul. I have also read some speculation that there is a large amount of missiles pointed straight at Seoul and there have been ever since the Korean war ended...oh wait, the Korean war never ended. If you look back to high school history class you will see that the Korean War is still happening. There was never any peace treaty signed so it is just an active war in which they have taken a fifty-year break from fighting. So the country I am living in is in an "active" war with the country that has just tested its first nuclear weapon with plans to test more, as my current homeland announced today that they are preparing for a nuclear war "just in case." Let me make something clear - You wear a seat belt in a car "just in case" - you prepare for a nuclear war because you think a nuclear war might begin. I don't know much about nuclear weapons (although I do know how to say "nuclear" thanks to Homer Simpson), but I am under the impression that there isn't a whole lot you can do to prepare for a nuclear war other than start digging graves.

I don't want to give off the wrong impression here. I think at this point that war is still far off (God I hope I'm right), and I don't feel like my life will be ended tomorrow. But I am coming to the realization that my life is somewhat in danger. I am living in a city that has a big target on it and there's a leader with a severe Napolean complex just across the DMZ with the capabilities to blow it to bits. I would not consider this a very noble way to die and don't know what I will do if I survive a nuclear bombing. I don't speak the same language as anyone in my neighborhood. I don't know where to go to be safe. I wouldn't understand warnings on TV or radio. Man, I'm starting to freak myself out even more.

For now there isn't much I can do. I bought a pair of numchuks to keep me safe when the North Koreans attack and I've been watching a lot of Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme movies to learn how to use them. I need to go out and get a parka - the cold war is starting back up.

Keep me in your thoughts and keep your fingers crossed for me.

Love from Seoul